DISCLAIMER: I'm sure most of you friends of mine can guess who I'm talking to in this "parody," but I still want to leave it to interpretation. This is one of the most personal rewrites I've written in a while. Enjoy!
WILL I STILL BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN?
To the tune of "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down
Was watching Dancing with the Stars to ease my stressful mind
Then, that commercial came on, and I just felt like I could cry!
Anne's time as desktop queen would be over quite soon
Mere weeks until I switched to you, yeah
I see your face, and I cannot do anything but swoon
I get a light feeling whenever anyone says something about you
With my crush on you, I just feel like a kid
But I'm quite afraid that, too soon, this will end!
CHORUS:
If you do what Anne did, will I still be your biggest fan?
If you just shun evil, will I still dream of being your man?
I'll go on your fan sites, as long as I think it's right!
That alright?
Some say I'm wrong, some say I'm weak
But still your pictures I will keep
Yet, you're still human, so, one day, you might just let me down
Just can't get you out of my head!
V, did you hear what I just said?
I know that I am definitely obsessing now!
REPEAT CHORUS
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
REPEAT CHORUS
Yeah!
REPEAT CHORUS
Whoa, oh, oh!
(REPEAT UNTIL END)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Visualizing a Musical Problem
I'm sure everyone knows I'm a music lover. On my iPod, I have everything from Victoria Justice (of course, LOL) to Twisted Sister to Josh Groban to Run-DMC to TobyMac to John Williams to Jennifer Lopez to Rascal Flatts to Sara Barielles to the Donnas to Led Zeppelin to Thousand Foot Krutch and then some. I've said before that I'm an entertainment lover, and music is right up there with books, movies and television as one of my favorite types of entertainment.
However, there's something I've been noticing recently, and I'll use an analogy to explain it: During the summer of 2000, I spent a week at a sports day camp at a nearby church. Every day, while we ate lunch, they would have a short Bible lesson for us. One lesson, taught by a high-school-aged girl, began with a story from years ago about marbles, which she said were like Pokémon cards at the time, meaning everyone collected them. She described how, back then, there were some marble-sized balls that came from a X-ray machine, and people loved them because they looked cool; however, they also emitted radiation, which ended up hurting people. The moral of the story was this: There may be things in our lives that we think are cool, but are actually hurting us.
I bring that up for one reason only: Lately, I've wondered if my music is hurting me. Now, I know many Christians talk about lyrical content, but that's not a problem in my collection. Although I listen to some secular music, it's pretty much clean and without any need of censoring. The problem is that some songs, including many I've listened to dozens of times, evoke strange images in my mind.
What kind of images? Well, usually, they involve a person or group of people dancing. It's usually no one specific; the only ones where it's the same person every time are "Valerie" (which makes me think of Valerie Bertinelli getting down; no joke) and "Got My Mind Set On You" (which causes me to see a nameless dark-haired, fair-skinned beauty doing the Monkey). Some songs cause me to see celebrities dancing, but which one(s) I see depends on where and when I'm listening to that song. Other songs evoke video-game-esque battle depictions ("Wizards in Winter"), a grand-finale-like musical sequence ("Section 23: Get Up and Go"), and maybe some other things I'm not thinking of at the moment.
Now, let me be clear: The music-induced visuals are not obscene in any way. If there were some way to put my imagined visuals onto a screen, you would see that the dancing is quite similar to the stuff seen in Camp Rock or Victorious, and the battles are no worse than anything in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Even songs that have an eerie sound, such as Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me," don't cause me to see anything scarier than what can be seen on PBS Kids.
You may wonder: If the visuals aren't suggestive or violent, then why are they a problem? Well, simply put: While "seeing" those things, I feel like I'm going nuts. I know that what I'm "seeing" isn't real; however, some people with severe mental disabilities--ones worse than mine, that is--see strange things and insist that they're real. The fact that I'm seeing weird things just because I hear a certain song brings me too close to being like that.
Then again, maybe imagining things while listening to music is common, and I just don't know it. I wouldn't know, but I'd like to hear what you think.
However, there's something I've been noticing recently, and I'll use an analogy to explain it: During the summer of 2000, I spent a week at a sports day camp at a nearby church. Every day, while we ate lunch, they would have a short Bible lesson for us. One lesson, taught by a high-school-aged girl, began with a story from years ago about marbles, which she said were like Pokémon cards at the time, meaning everyone collected them. She described how, back then, there were some marble-sized balls that came from a X-ray machine, and people loved them because they looked cool; however, they also emitted radiation, which ended up hurting people. The moral of the story was this: There may be things in our lives that we think are cool, but are actually hurting us.
I bring that up for one reason only: Lately, I've wondered if my music is hurting me. Now, I know many Christians talk about lyrical content, but that's not a problem in my collection. Although I listen to some secular music, it's pretty much clean and without any need of censoring. The problem is that some songs, including many I've listened to dozens of times, evoke strange images in my mind.
What kind of images? Well, usually, they involve a person or group of people dancing. It's usually no one specific; the only ones where it's the same person every time are "Valerie" (which makes me think of Valerie Bertinelli getting down; no joke) and "Got My Mind Set On You" (which causes me to see a nameless dark-haired, fair-skinned beauty doing the Monkey). Some songs cause me to see celebrities dancing, but which one(s) I see depends on where and when I'm listening to that song. Other songs evoke video-game-esque battle depictions ("Wizards in Winter"), a grand-finale-like musical sequence ("Section 23: Get Up and Go"), and maybe some other things I'm not thinking of at the moment.
Now, let me be clear: The music-induced visuals are not obscene in any way. If there were some way to put my imagined visuals onto a screen, you would see that the dancing is quite similar to the stuff seen in Camp Rock or Victorious, and the battles are no worse than anything in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Even songs that have an eerie sound, such as Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me," don't cause me to see anything scarier than what can be seen on PBS Kids.
You may wonder: If the visuals aren't suggestive or violent, then why are they a problem? Well, simply put: While "seeing" those things, I feel like I'm going nuts. I know that what I'm "seeing" isn't real; however, some people with severe mental disabilities--ones worse than mine, that is--see strange things and insist that they're real. The fact that I'm seeing weird things just because I hear a certain song brings me too close to being like that.
Then again, maybe imagining things while listening to music is common, and I just don't know it. I wouldn't know, but I'd like to hear what you think.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Just One of the Girls?
When I was in sixth grade, there was a big divide in my homeroom's section of the cafeteria. It wasn't based on race, income, or clothes; it was based on gender. All the girls sat together, and all the guys did, too, but they didn't sit with each other...with one exception. A guy in my homeroom sat with the girls and became friends with them. Doing that led to kids labeling him as "gay," but I don't think he was; I think that he just knew how to get along with girls.
Why do I bring that up? Well, even though that incident is over a decade old, it very much echoes my current life. I've admitted more than once in the past that I get along better with girls than I do guys. The most probable reason for me being that way is because I was essentially raised by two women: my mom and my older (by eleven years) sister. I didn't even have anything remotely resembling a father figure until I was almost nine years old.
As most of you reading this probably know, I'd like to get married someday. However, if you've been my friend for a while, you probably also know that my attempts at finding romantic love have always failed. I've often wondered why that's the case. People have mentioned things such as not having a job, or the girl's interests not being similar to mine. However, even when I did have a job, and/or had quite similar interests to the girl I was asking out, I still remained dateless, despite the fact that almost all of my good friends--on and off Facebook--are female. After doing some thinking while experiencing sleeplessness last night, I came up with a theory: Maybe the reason I haven't gotten any dates yet is because girls don't see me as a guy; they see me as another girl.
That may sound quite strange, but I can explain: Just like that sixth grade classmate of mine, I was called "gay" or "a girl" when I was in school, mostly because of my interests. Other guys loved the NFL, graphically violent video games, and leering at scantily clad women. Me? I couldn't have cared less about any type of sports, I refused to even touch any "M" rated games, and the pictures on my binder and desktop were of fully clothed Disney Channel actresses. Who knows what school-aged kids would think of me proudly wearing a Victorious-themed shirt I made myself that imitates the whole "Team Edward"/"Team Jacob" thing, reading novels about wedding planning, or owning DVDs such as Leap Year or Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars? I realize that most people believe kids are just immature and don't know what they're talking about, but, frankly, I think they might be on to something.
I've always thought that being different from other guys would attract a lot of girls. One thing that comes to mind is the early Home Improvement episode where Tim's sports addiction completely ruined a romantic date Jill had planned for them. Since I couldn't care less about sports, any girl who dates me won't have to worry about that! However, after thinking about it last night, I wonder if girls do want a guy who likes things such as sports, tools, and cars, even if they themselves aren't into any of those things. Those things are considered masculine by society, whereas watching romantic comedies and having Josh Groban on your iPod are not. Unfortunately, too many people, including Christians, fall prey to society's standards without realizing it.
Now, here's where you come in: I'd like to get my female friends' perspective on this. If you have a comment you don't want to make public, or if you'd like to have a live conversation about this, send me an e-mail at MacMan4You (at) cox.net or message me on Facebook. I look forward to seeing what you all have to say.
Why do I bring that up? Well, even though that incident is over a decade old, it very much echoes my current life. I've admitted more than once in the past that I get along better with girls than I do guys. The most probable reason for me being that way is because I was essentially raised by two women: my mom and my older (by eleven years) sister. I didn't even have anything remotely resembling a father figure until I was almost nine years old.
As most of you reading this probably know, I'd like to get married someday. However, if you've been my friend for a while, you probably also know that my attempts at finding romantic love have always failed. I've often wondered why that's the case. People have mentioned things such as not having a job, or the girl's interests not being similar to mine. However, even when I did have a job, and/or had quite similar interests to the girl I was asking out, I still remained dateless, despite the fact that almost all of my good friends--on and off Facebook--are female. After doing some thinking while experiencing sleeplessness last night, I came up with a theory: Maybe the reason I haven't gotten any dates yet is because girls don't see me as a guy; they see me as another girl.
That may sound quite strange, but I can explain: Just like that sixth grade classmate of mine, I was called "gay" or "a girl" when I was in school, mostly because of my interests. Other guys loved the NFL, graphically violent video games, and leering at scantily clad women. Me? I couldn't have cared less about any type of sports, I refused to even touch any "M" rated games, and the pictures on my binder and desktop were of fully clothed Disney Channel actresses. Who knows what school-aged kids would think of me proudly wearing a Victorious-themed shirt I made myself that imitates the whole "Team Edward"/"Team Jacob" thing, reading novels about wedding planning, or owning DVDs such as Leap Year or Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars? I realize that most people believe kids are just immature and don't know what they're talking about, but, frankly, I think they might be on to something.
I've always thought that being different from other guys would attract a lot of girls. One thing that comes to mind is the early Home Improvement episode where Tim's sports addiction completely ruined a romantic date Jill had planned for them. Since I couldn't care less about sports, any girl who dates me won't have to worry about that! However, after thinking about it last night, I wonder if girls do want a guy who likes things such as sports, tools, and cars, even if they themselves aren't into any of those things. Those things are considered masculine by society, whereas watching romantic comedies and having Josh Groban on your iPod are not. Unfortunately, too many people, including Christians, fall prey to society's standards without realizing it.
Now, here's where you come in: I'd like to get my female friends' perspective on this. If you have a comment you don't want to make public, or if you'd like to have a live conversation about this, send me an e-mail at MacMan4You (at) cox.net or message me on Facebook. I look forward to seeing what you all have to say.
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Ultimate High School Crush (Version 2.0)
DISCLAIMER: This parody, like others I've done on this topic, is meant as a joke. Enjoy!
THE ULTIMATE HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH (VERSION 2.0)
To the tune of "Best Friend's Brother" by Victoria Justice
Never before have I such a great woman known
She's better than the girls on those new Disney shows
Every day, after lunch, her I do get to see
Oh, how I wish she and I could just run off and marry!
PRE-CHORUS:
About her I just cannot stop thinkin'!
I even dreamed about that lady last weekend!
I really wish out with her I could go,
But I don't, don't want my class to know!
CHORUS:
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
Cute, blond woman with a four-year degree!
Ashley Tisdale?
I don't need her!
'Cause I'm going to make that cute teacher mine!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
I just know that Ms. J should so be my wife,
'Cause I've been a reader for my entire life!
She not only reads, she has kids do it, too!
But, when it's required, I would never say, "Ew!"
REPEAT PRE-CHORUS AND CHORUS
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
'Cause she's such a dream, yeah!
You guys know what I mean!
I'm just so twitterpated!
REPEAT CHORUS
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
(REPEAT UNTIL END)
[For anyone who has ever had a crush on one of his or her teachers...this one is for you. :) ]
THE ULTIMATE HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH (VERSION 2.0)
To the tune of "Best Friend's Brother" by Victoria Justice
Never before have I such a great woman known
She's better than the girls on those new Disney shows
Every day, after lunch, her I do get to see
Oh, how I wish she and I could just run off and marry!
PRE-CHORUS:
About her I just cannot stop thinkin'!
I even dreamed about that lady last weekend!
I really wish out with her I could go,
But I don't, don't want my class to know!
CHORUS:
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
Cute, blond woman with a four-year degree!
Ashley Tisdale?
I don't need her!
'Cause I'm going to make that cute teacher mine!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
I just know that Ms. J should so be my wife,
'Cause I've been a reader for my entire life!
She not only reads, she has kids do it, too!
But, when it's required, I would never say, "Ew!"
REPEAT PRE-CHORUS AND CHORUS
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
'Cause she's such a dream, yeah!
You guys know what I mean!
I'm just so twitterpated!
REPEAT CHORUS
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
(REPEAT UNTIL END)
[For anyone who has ever had a crush on one of his or her teachers...this one is for you. :) ]
Friday, May 6, 2011
The Jennifer Stone Song
THE JENNIFER STONE SONG
To the tune of "Alone" by Heart and Jacob Lusk
Yes, girl, you are on my desktop
Love seeing you when I click "Start"
Loved you as the new Harriet the Spy
And you were great as crazed Harper!
But, I wish more people truly did know
Oh, about you, the great Jennifer L. Stone!
So, now, I will make your great name known!
The star of Waverly Place and Mean Girls 2!
Every scene that you are in, you own!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
For oh so long now I have wanted
To a talented young actress find, oh!
I knew that my search was over
When I saw you play that blogging Spy!
Yes, great places you will go!
With great talent you have been bestowed, Miss Stone!
Ohh…
Can't wait for M: I: Ghost Protocol!
I'll be watching it just so I can see you!
And, it will surely be great, I know!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
Miss Stone, Miss Stone!
[For you, Jennifer Stone! You rock!]
To the tune of "Alone" by Heart and Jacob Lusk
Yes, girl, you are on my desktop
Love seeing you when I click "Start"
Loved you as the new Harriet the Spy
And you were great as crazed Harper!
But, I wish more people truly did know
Oh, about you, the great Jennifer L. Stone!
So, now, I will make your great name known!
The star of Waverly Place and Mean Girls 2!
Every scene that you are in, you own!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
For oh so long now I have wanted
To a talented young actress find, oh!
I knew that my search was over
When I saw you play that blogging Spy!
Yes, great places you will go!
With great talent you have been bestowed, Miss Stone!
Ohh…
Can't wait for M: I: Ghost Protocol!
I'll be watching it just so I can see you!
And, it will surely be great, I know!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
Miss Stone, Miss Stone!
[For you, Jennifer Stone! You rock!]
Monday, April 25, 2011
Where Are You? (Sarah's Song)
DISCLAIMER: The person specified in this "parody"'s title is not on my friends list. So, if your name is Sarah, don't ask me why I wrote a song about you, because I didn't. Unless, of course, you are that person the song describes, but it's quite unlikely she will read this. Anyway, enjoy!
WHERE ARE YOU? (SARAH'S SONG)
To the tune of "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada
Camp in '98, yeah, that's where you met me.
You were so extremely friendly. (To me!)
I had Scooby madness at that point in time.
Yes, a friend in you I did find!
And every time I think 'bout those memories,
I wonder where you've been and where you are now!
Are you now teaching a class?
Or do you blow glass?
Wish I could find out!
I would give you a hug if I could find you!
I will remember you 'til the day I die!
Where on this planet did you go?
I may never know!
You made me grin wide!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
You were a believer,
And, now, so am I!
We may meet again when we die! (Yeah, hat's right!)
Wherever I find you, I hope we can talk!
I can't wait to tell you it all!
'Cause things have changed so much since the late '90s!
I've switched to Tori Justice; I wish she were mine!
I am a proud parodist; I write stuff like this!
No, it's not a crime!
Yeah, I read books for fun; I'm such an addict!
Movies and music are also pastimes!
What about you, though? What's your favorite show?
What's new in your life?
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
I can never fight those old memories!
They have me smiling; I can't let them die!
You were awesome like that; I wish we could chat!
Maybe in paradise?
[For Sarah, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. I haven't stopped remembering you, and I hope I never do. I will see you again one day, although it may not be on this planet.]
WHERE ARE YOU? (SARAH'S SONG)
To the tune of "Everytime We Touch" by Cascada
Camp in '98, yeah, that's where you met me.
You were so extremely friendly. (To me!)
I had Scooby madness at that point in time.
Yes, a friend in you I did find!
And every time I think 'bout those memories,
I wonder where you've been and where you are now!
Are you now teaching a class?
Or do you blow glass?
Wish I could find out!
I would give you a hug if I could find you!
I will remember you 'til the day I die!
Where on this planet did you go?
I may never know!
You made me grin wide!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
You were a believer,
And, now, so am I!
We may meet again when we die! (Yeah, hat's right!)
Wherever I find you, I hope we can talk!
I can't wait to tell you it all!
'Cause things have changed so much since the late '90s!
I've switched to Tori Justice; I wish she were mine!
I am a proud parodist; I write stuff like this!
No, it's not a crime!
Yeah, I read books for fun; I'm such an addict!
Movies and music are also pastimes!
What about you, though? What's your favorite show?
What's new in your life?
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
I can never fight those old memories!
They have me smiling; I can't let them die!
You were awesome like that; I wish we could chat!
Maybe in paradise?
[For Sarah, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. I haven't stopped remembering you, and I hope I never do. I will see you again one day, although it may not be on this planet.]
Friday, April 15, 2011
The Amy Adams Song
DISCLAIMER: I don't agree with everything in the movies I mention below; frankly, some of them are ones I haven't even seen. Otherwise, enjoy!
THE AMY ADAMS SONG
To the tune of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days
CHORUS 1:
This is the story of a girl
Whose film Enchanted was loved by the whole world
She made audiences all the world over laugh
Look at that bright red hair; makes me smile!
Two-oh-oh-seven, the year!
Audiences didn't know
That before they'd seen her!
She had guest starred on Smallville,
And in Talledega with Will Ferrell!
But, that witch sent her to Manhattan!
A land where a princess hadn't a clue!
McDreamy was her savior!
He found her, married her!
Saw it; it's true!
That role made Amy what she is today!
Her career jump-started with Disney parody!
Amy Adams is most definitely a great of today!
REPEAT CHORUS 1
After that, she found her way
Into Doubt and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day!
Some others most did not see,
Like Leap Year or that Moonlight Serenade!
Who could not love her actin'?
Singin' quite well she can also do!
If I see her, I will say, "Hey!"
Getting her autograph would be awesome, too!
No one can look like that actin' that way!
And, it all started with Disney parody!
I truly believe Amy is a great of today!
CHORUS 2:
This is a story of a girl
Who is beloved by the entire world
Doubt, Leap Year, Julie and Julia?
They were great because of her!
Makes me smile!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
Well, soon she will star as Miss Lois Lane!
I have zero doubts that she will do great!
Amy Adams, you are a great of today!
This is the story of a girl
Whose film Enchanted was loved by the whole world!
She made audiences all over the world laugh!
Look at that bright red hair!
This is the story of a girl
Whose pretty face is seen by the world!
And those who have seen her acting work
Do absolutely love her!
REPEAT CHORUS 2
Makes me smile!
[For you, Amy Adams! You rock!]
THE AMY ADAMS SONG
To the tune of "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" by Nine Days
CHORUS 1:
This is the story of a girl
Whose film Enchanted was loved by the whole world
She made audiences all the world over laugh
Look at that bright red hair; makes me smile!
Two-oh-oh-seven, the year!
Audiences didn't know
That before they'd seen her!
She had guest starred on Smallville,
And in Talledega with Will Ferrell!
But, that witch sent her to Manhattan!
A land where a princess hadn't a clue!
McDreamy was her savior!
He found her, married her!
Saw it; it's true!
That role made Amy what she is today!
Her career jump-started with Disney parody!
Amy Adams is most definitely a great of today!
REPEAT CHORUS 1
After that, she found her way
Into Doubt and Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day!
Some others most did not see,
Like Leap Year or that Moonlight Serenade!
Who could not love her actin'?
Singin' quite well she can also do!
If I see her, I will say, "Hey!"
Getting her autograph would be awesome, too!
No one can look like that actin' that way!
And, it all started with Disney parody!
I truly believe Amy is a great of today!
CHORUS 2:
This is a story of a girl
Who is beloved by the entire world
Doubt, Leap Year, Julie and Julia?
They were great because of her!
Makes me smile!
INSTRUMENTAL BREAK
Well, soon she will star as Miss Lois Lane!
I have zero doubts that she will do great!
Amy Adams, you are a great of today!
This is the story of a girl
Whose film Enchanted was loved by the whole world!
She made audiences all over the world laugh!
Look at that bright red hair!
This is the story of a girl
Whose pretty face is seen by the world!
And those who have seen her acting work
Do absolutely love her!
REPEAT CHORUS 2
Makes me smile!
[For you, Amy Adams! You rock!]
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