More than Books Now (The Sequel to "Library Love Song")

DISCLAIMER: For the people who haven't heard the amazing original, check out this link.

MORE THAN BOOKS NOW (The Sequel to "Library Love Song")
To the tune of "Freak the Freak Out" by Victoria Justice

Where I am going
Has many diff'rent things!
You think it's just a bore
With just books, nothing more?
Well, I think you should go there
'Cause you're just unaware!
That was true in days of old,
But is not anymore!
Music on CD!
Movies new to DVD!
PCs with Internet!
Like I say,
Things have changed!
Yeah, you should go there, too!
You'll always find something new!
So, what's it gonna be?
Will you go there with me?

PRE-CHORUS:
Movies, free to rent!
You can use the Internet!
Just two reasons, just two reasons!
All kinds of music!
Don't forget audiobooks!
Two more reasons, two more reasons!

CHORUS:
The library
Is awesome in every way!
You will say, "Wow!"
When you go there and do more
Than just check books out!
(Hey!)
Whoa, whoa, whoa…

You heard what I said?
I'd say it all again!
This 'berry is my friend!
I love it, I love it!
There is so much here!
I could live here, for real!
I'm glad I do live near
This awesome place right here!
Between this place's walls,
Entertainment aplenty,
Digital and literary!
Did you know, did you know?
Have I fin'ly convinced you?
Do you want to come here, too?
Oh, that makes me happy!
Let's go to the 'berry!
(Are you here?)

REPEAT PRE-CHORUS AND CHORUS

(Hey!)
Whoa, whoa, whoa…

Yes, you really should go!
(Hey!)
Yes, you really should go!

Are you with me?

REPEAT CHORUS

Whoa, whoa, whoa…

More than books now! (REPEAT)

The library!
That's where I'm goin'!
Yep, where I'm goin'!
That where you're goin'?

[For all my 'berry friends: Lydia, Kristi, Teri, Karen, Elke, Anne, Rosa, Gabrielle, Patricia, Julia D., Deborah, John A., Linny, Jessica H., as well as anyone else who works on a library's behalf.]

Celebrity Fanatics Vs. Sports Nuts

I think pretty much all of you reading this know that I'm a huge fan of celebrities of all kinds: actors, actresses, musicians, authors, etc. You probably also know that I'm not much of a sports fan. I said in another post that I'd tried sports in all forms--watching them on TV, as well as playing both physical and digital versions of them--and found them uninteresting. That right there puts me at odds with most of America, including at least ninety percent of Yanks with Y chromosomes. A public speaker could use a sports analogy during a speech to a crowd of 200+ people, and I'd probably be the only one among them who didn't understand it.
I've talked more than once about my experiences with sports and why I'm not a fan, so this post won't be about that. Instead, what I will talk about is something I realized earlier today while taking a break from my family's yard sale: My love for celebrities such as Victoria Justice, Kevin Max, or Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens isn't all that different than many people's love for their favorite athletes or sports teams.
First reason why: I keep track of my favorite celebrities' stats just like sports fans do with their favorite players. Some of you Facebook friends of mine may have seen statuses such as, "Happy birthday, Patrick Stewart!" or "Annie, it's your birthday, it's your birthday, it's your birthday, Annie!" (Yes, the latter is a partial parody of "Smooth Criminal".) You may wonder how I keep up with that. Simply put, I have a Google Calendar account that reminds me, and I've synced it with iCal on my Mac and the Calendar app on my iPad. I do have the birthdays of people I actually know on there as well; my entire immediate family, as well as my close friends, all have their "big days" listed on there. I also use such sites as IMDb and Plugged In, not to mention the countless fan pages on Facebook, to keep tabs on what my favorite famous people are doing. When a new Victorious episode or Siobhan Magnus single is announced, I get excited. I've noticed sports fans do the same thing: they keep track of the scores of every game, even if they're unable to watch it, and they also stay on top of whether their team makes it to the championship or not. Sports nuts get excited when good things happen to their favorite team(s)/player(s), just like I get excited when I hear good news about my favorite celebrities.
That brings me to my second point: Sports fans are upset by their favorite team(s)/player(s) losing, just like it hurts me when my favorite celebrities "lose." I may not be a sports fan, but one thing I know about professional league games is that, every time, there must be a loser and a winner. Sports fans probably have experienced their favorite team or player losing countless times, and I used to mock people who were bothered by that. I couldn't understand why it bothered them; was there really anything they could have done about it? Of course, as a long-time celebrity fan, I have seen cases where my favorite stars have "lost" as well. I'm not talking about scandals, although they've happened to both sports and movie stars; I'm talking about when one of my favorite celebrities just disappoints me big-time. One such example happened about two months ago. Most of you know that Jennifer Stone is my number two celebrity crush, numero uno being Victoria Justice. Well, I had waited for several weeks to see Mean Girls 2, a direct-to-video sequel that Jennifer starred in. Most of the reviews I'd read were negative, but that was also the case with the Amy Adams romcom Leap Year, and I thought that was great, so I just ignored them. When I finally saw MG2, I was quite disappointed. Yes, there was some crude content in it, but the movie would have been terrible even without that. I sat there throughout the film thinking, This is what I spent all these weeks waiting for?!! In that case, I thought the entire cast and crew of the movie, including Miss Stone, lost. It's not the only time that's happened; celebrities such as Patrick Stewart (when he starred in that abysmal The Mysterious Island), Anne Hathaway (Love and Other Drugs; need I say more?), Siobhan Magnus (her elimination from American Idol was QUITE unfair!), and even Kevin Max (some of the things he said in his autobiography Unfinished Work were quite shocking, and not in a good way) have done the same to me as well. You may think it'd be easier to be a celebrity fan, because there's a chance that the entire cast of a movie or show could win, but I disagree. Why? Well, in sports, there's always a loser, but there's also always a winner. In the case of Mean Girls 2, though, everyone lost, including me while I was watching it.
In conclusion, let me say this: On a comment on my note "The Disabled Vs. The Rest of the World," my friend Melissa said, "I find that human beings are afraid of what they don't understand." That's quite true, and it probably explains why my celebrity addiction has caused several people to remove/block me on Facebook. However, even though I have numerous sports fans on my friends list, repeated statuses on that topic have not led to me doing the same to them. I get that most of you don't quite understand why I love Victoria Justice and friends the way I do. Maybe, if you think of it being the same as you being a huge fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, Donovan McNabb, Yao Ming, or whatever sports team(s)/player(s) you adore, that might help a bit.
Any comments?

Will I Still Be Your Biggest Fan?

DISCLAIMER: I'm sure most of you friends of mine can guess who I'm talking to in this "parody," but I still want to leave it to interpretation.  This is one of the most personal rewrites I've written in a while.  Enjoy!


WILL I STILL BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN?
To the tune of "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down

Was watching Dancing with the Stars to ease my stressful mind
Then, that commercial came on, and I just felt like I could cry!
Anne's time as desktop queen would be over quite soon
Mere weeks until I switched to you, yeah

I see your face, and I cannot do anything but swoon
I get a light feeling whenever anyone says something about you
With my crush on you, I just feel like a kid
But I'm quite afraid that, too soon, this will end!

CHORUS:
If you do what Anne did, will I still be your biggest fan?
If you just shun evil, will I still dream of being your man?
I'll go on your fan sites, as long as I think it's right!
That alright?

Some say I'm wrong, some say I'm weak
But still your pictures I will keep
Yet, you're still human, so, one day, you might just let me down
Just can't get you out of my head!
V, did you hear what I just said?
I know that I am definitely obsessing now!

REPEAT CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

REPEAT CHORUS

Yeah!

REPEAT CHORUS

Whoa, oh, oh!
(REPEAT UNTIL END)

Visualizing a Musical Problem

I'm sure everyone knows I'm a music lover. On my iPod, I have everything from Victoria Justice (of course, LOL) to Twisted Sister to Josh Groban to Run-DMC to TobyMac to John Williams to Jennifer Lopez to Rascal Flatts to Sara Barielles to the Donnas to Led Zeppelin to Thousand Foot Krutch and then some. I've said before that I'm an entertainment lover, and music is right up there with books, movies and television as one of my favorite types of entertainment.
However, there's something I've been noticing recently, and I'll use an analogy to explain it: During the summer of 2000, I spent a week at a sports day camp at a nearby church. Every day, while we ate lunch, they would have a short Bible lesson for us. One lesson, taught by a high-school-aged girl, began with a story from years ago about marbles, which she said were like Pokémon cards at the time, meaning everyone collected them. She described how, back then, there were some marble-sized balls that came from a X-ray machine, and people loved them because they looked cool; however, they also emitted radiation, which ended up hurting people. The moral of the story was this: There may be things in our lives that we think are cool, but are actually hurting us.
I bring that up for one reason only: Lately, I've wondered if my music is hurting me. Now, I know many Christians talk about lyrical content, but that's not a problem in my collection. Although I listen to some secular music, it's pretty much clean and without any need of censoring. The problem is that some songs, including many I've listened to dozens of times, evoke strange images in my mind.
What kind of images? Well, usually, they involve a person or group of people dancing. It's usually no one specific; the only ones where it's the same person every time are "Valerie" (which makes me think of Valerie Bertinelli getting down; no joke) and "Got My Mind Set On You" (which causes me to see a nameless dark-haired, fair-skinned beauty doing the Monkey). Some songs cause me to see celebrities dancing, but which one(s) I see depends on where and when I'm listening to that song. Other songs evoke video-game-esque battle depictions ("Wizards in Winter"), a grand-finale-like musical sequence ("Section 23: Get Up and Go"), and maybe some other things I'm not thinking of at the moment.
Now, let me be clear: The music-induced visuals are not obscene in any way. If there were some way to put my imagined visuals onto a screen, you would see that the dancing is quite similar to the stuff seen in Camp Rock or Victorious, and the battles are no worse than anything in Super Smash Bros. Melee. Even songs that have an eerie sound, such as Rockwell's "Somebody's Watching Me," don't cause me to see anything scarier than what can be seen on PBS Kids.
You may wonder: If the visuals aren't suggestive or violent, then why are they a problem? Well, simply put: While "seeing" those things, I feel like I'm going nuts. I know that what I'm "seeing" isn't real; however, some people with severe mental disabilities--ones worse than mine, that is--see strange things and insist that they're real. The fact that I'm seeing weird things just because I hear a certain song brings me too close to being like that.
Then again, maybe imagining things while listening to music is common, and I just don't know it. I wouldn't know, but I'd like to hear what you think.

Just One of the Girls?

When I was in sixth grade, there was a big divide in my homeroom's section of the cafeteria. It wasn't based on race, income, or clothes; it was based on gender. All the girls sat together, and all the guys did, too, but they didn't sit with each other...with one exception. A guy in my homeroom sat with the girls and became friends with them. Doing that led to kids labeling him as "gay," but I don't think he was; I think that he just knew how to get along with girls.
Why do I bring that up? Well, even though that incident is over a decade old, it very much echoes my current life. I've admitted more than once in the past that I get along better with girls than I do guys. The most probable reason for me being that way is because I was essentially raised by two women: my mom and my older (by eleven years) sister. I didn't even have anything remotely resembling a father figure until I was almost nine years old.
As most of you reading this probably know, I'd like to get married someday. However, if you've been my friend for a while, you probably also know that my attempts at finding romantic love have always failed. I've often wondered why that's the case. People have mentioned things such as not having a job, or the girl's interests not being similar to mine. However, even when I did have a job, and/or had quite similar interests to the girl I was asking out, I still remained dateless, despite the fact that almost all of my good friends--on and off Facebook--are female. After doing some thinking while experiencing sleeplessness last night, I came up with a theory: Maybe the reason I haven't gotten any dates yet is because girls don't see me as a guy; they see me as another girl.
That may sound quite strange, but I can explain: Just like that sixth grade classmate of mine, I was called "gay" or "a girl" when I was in school, mostly because of my interests. Other guys loved the NFL, graphically violent video games, and leering at scantily clad women. Me? I couldn't have cared less about any type of sports, I refused to even touch any "M" rated games, and the pictures on my binder and desktop were of fully clothed Disney Channel actresses. Who knows what school-aged kids would think of me proudly wearing a Victorious-themed shirt I made myself that imitates the whole "Team Edward"/"Team Jacob" thing, reading novels about wedding planning, or owning DVDs such as Leap Year or Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars? I realize that most people believe kids are just immature and don't know what they're talking about, but, frankly, I think they might be on to something.
I've always thought that being different from other guys would attract a lot of girls. One thing that comes to mind is the early Home Improvement episode where Tim's sports addiction completely ruined a romantic date Jill had planned for them. Since I couldn't care less about sports, any girl who dates me won't have to worry about that! However, after thinking about it last night, I wonder if girls do want a guy who likes things such as sports, tools, and cars, even if they themselves aren't into any of those things. Those things are considered masculine by society, whereas watching romantic comedies and having Josh Groban on your iPod are not. Unfortunately, too many people, including Christians, fall prey to society's standards without realizing it.
Now, here's where you come in: I'd like to get my female friends' perspective on this. If you have a comment you don't want to make public, or if you'd like to have a live conversation about this, send me an e-mail at MacMan4You (at) cox.net or message me on Facebook. I look forward to seeing what you all have to say.

The Ultimate High School Crush (Version 2.0)

DISCLAIMER: This parody, like others I've done on this topic, is meant as a joke. Enjoy!

THE ULTIMATE HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH (VERSION 2.0)
To the tune of "Best Friend's Brother" by Victoria Justice

Never before have I such a great woman known
She's better than the girls on those new Disney shows
Every day, after lunch, her I do get to see
Oh, how I wish she and I could just run off and marry!

PRE-CHORUS:
About her I just cannot stop thinkin'!
I even dreamed about that lady last weekend!
I really wish out with her I could go,
But I don't, don't want my class to know!

CHORUS:
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
Cute, blond woman with a four-year degree!
Ashley Tisdale?
I don't need her!
'Cause I'm going to make that cute teacher mine!
Yeah-eah-eah-eah!
My English teacher is the one for me!
Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!

I just know that Ms. J should so be my wife,
'Cause I've been a reader for my entire life!
She not only reads, she has kids do it, too!
But, when it's required, I would never say, "Ew!"

REPEAT PRE-CHORUS AND CHORUS

Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!

'Cause she's such a dream, yeah!
You guys know what I mean!
I'm just so twitterpated!

REPEAT CHORUS

Ms. Jefferies! (Whoo!)
Ms. Jefferies! (Yeah!)
My English teacher, my English teacher!
(REPEAT UNTIL END)

[For anyone who has ever had a crush on one of his or her teachers...this one is for you. :) ]

The Jennifer Stone Song

THE JENNIFER STONE SONG
To the tune of "Alone" by Heart and Jacob Lusk

Yes, girl, you are on my desktop
Love seeing you when I click "Start"
Loved you as the new Harriet the Spy
And you were great as crazed Harper!
But, I wish more people truly did know
Oh, about you, the great Jennifer L. Stone!

So, now, I will make your great name known!
The star of Waverly Place and Mean Girls 2!
Every scene that you are in, you own!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!

For oh so long now I have wanted
To a talented young actress find, oh!
I knew that my search was over
When I saw you play that blogging Spy!
Yes, great places you will go!
With great talent you have been bestowed, Miss Stone!

Ohh…

Can't wait for M: I: Ghost Protocol!
I'll be watching it just so I can see you!
And, it will surely be great, I know!
You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!

You're so great, Jennifer Stone!
You so rock, Jennifer Stone!
Miss Stone, Miss Stone!

[For you, Jennifer Stone! You rock!]