I'll try and keep this short, because it's getting late, and I'm going to lose an hour of sleep tonight thanks to "springing forward": One of the most common questions techies ask themselves is: What am I not doing? Though that question presents itself in video/computer games, which usually require a certain number of tasks to be completed before moving on, it also is quite prevalent in the non-gaming tech world. I remember a computer class I took in 2001 where one of our projects was to make a "bubble view" of a room. I took the pictures, and an instructor was supposed to help us convert them into a 3-D view format, but, every time, it kept giving her an error message. The only instructor knowledgeable to help us was on the phone, so the one who was trying to help us deleted a photo or two before realizing that she had the incorrect camera settings. We ended up with a finished product, yet it wasn't the best quality because of the photos that were deleted. Before she realized her mistake, she said, "There's something we're not doing."
Lately, that's how I've felt about life in general. I look around at what my coeval friends--and, in some cases, former friends and friends of friends--are doing, and they seem to be succeeding. You may think that I'm about to lament about my lack of a significant other, but even the single ones are off on their own, traveling places, in well-paying jobs, etc. That's great for them...but what's my greatest achievement of the past year? Gaining a large library of entertainment? Adding two new celebrity crushes? Rediscovering the Disney Channel? It seems like I have simply stagnated.
Many of you reading this have likely heard of author/speaker Andy Andrews, whose Seven Decisions DVD I watched for the third time recently. One of his points in the speech contained on that disc is, "You are where you are today because of the decisions you have made in your life." I hate to say it, but it seems that the reason I am apparently unsuccessful in life is because of my own poor choices. That's not to say that every problem I've ever had in my life is my own fault; growing up fatherless, being mildly autistic, and having a severely disabled older sibling that needed constant care wasn't caused by any decision of my own. Still, I am where I am currently--still living with my parents, working a minimum-wage job, doing dumb things out of boredom--because of the decisions I made in my past. Instead of focusing on my future, I was too worried about my favorite celebrities and failed attempts at romance that would never amount to anything.
Just like a person who reaches an obstacle in a tech project or computer/video game, I have to ask: What am I not doing? What is keeping me from succeeding? It's obvious that my life is lacking in some department; what it is, or how to change that, I have no idea. Though holding a job as long as I've held my current one, and sticking to a daily Bible reading for well over a year, are major strides on my part, that doesn't mean I don't need to make some more changes.
A similar question is: What do I have to do to get what I want out of life? I'm reminded of a woman I once knew who was deeply in love with a man...but he was too enamored with his canine companions to have room for a woman in his life. She lamented, "If I grow an extra set of legs and a tail, maybe he'll love me." Sometimes, I feel that any ladies who are/were interested in a relationship with me feel/felt essentially the same way: "Apparently, I'm not going to win his heart unless I get my own Disney sitcom or suddenly transform into Victoria Justice." To be frank, the feelings are mutual; when an older friend told me that the difference between romance and stalking is simply whether or not the feelings are reciprocated, my mind was raging with one two-word question: That's IT?!! Seriously, all the things I had done for my real-life crushes would have been completely okay if only they'd felt the same way?
It goes beyond relationships, though; I've talked online about how marriage may not be "in the cards" for me. I know God has a plan for me, as he does for everyone; I'm just not sure what it is. I don't agree with the whole "you can do anything you put your mind to" mentality; seriously, that platitude has caused numerous problems, such as all the terrible "singers" who audition for American Idol every season. There are some abilities that God just has not given to some people, and it's His choice; it's not for us to argue. Still, I do feel that I'm not reaching my true potential. Of course, I currently can't live on my own for financial reasons; there's no getting around that until I get a job that pays more. With the economy and job market the way it's been the past few years, I'm actually quite glad to have a job at all, especially in the library field, which seems to be my "calling". Still, right now, having my own place or taking college classes in library science are simply out of the question, though I hope to be able to do both of those at some point. There nonetheless has to be something that I can do right now, though; I just don't know what it is.
At this point, my plea is much like the shocked reply in Judges 19:30: "Think about it! What are we going to do? Who’s going to speak up?" (NLT) Seriously, I can't do this alone, especially considering that I don't even know what to do. At this point, I'm so frustrated with my own life that I'm willing to try almost anything, as long as it doesn't violate Biblical commandments or any federal, state, or local laws. In previous posts on such matters, I ended by talking myself into just keeping on doing what I was already doing; not this time. It's time that I stopped sitting around feeling sorry for myself and saying, "I can't!", or "I don't want to!"
So, friends...think about it! What do you think I should do? Who's going to speak up? (Feel free to use this blog, my Facebook inbox, or my e-mail to reply. Thank you.)
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
An Apology to My Friends
I'm going to try and keep this short because not only do I have to wake up early tomorrow, but I know most of you would rather not read a long, rambling post: If you know me and are reading this, I likely owe you an apology. What I need to apologize for isn't lashing out at anyone; instead, it's my own stubbornness.
Let me explain: For far too long, I have ignored suggestions that well-meaning people have given me. Of course, some of them simply wouldn't have worked; that's especially true when it came to pretty much anything involving my oldest sister. Most people had no clue what having an immediate family member such as her was like, so their asking, "Why don't you...?" was out of a lack of understanding. Still, there have been plenty of other situations or problems I've faced where people have told me what I should do, and I just refused to even attempt it. I used excuses ranging from past events to "knowing" that I would fail to even, "I didn't do it previously; why do I need to now?"
That has got to change. I'm reminded of a longtime friend who once had a serious relationship with a guy that she almost married. Why didn't they say, "I do"? Simply because he chose to sit around and play video games instead of "getting real" about his life. It's true that I've made some positive steps in recent years; getting a job, sticking to a daily Bible reading, learning to take the bus, and contributing to the household in multiple ways are all good things that I wasn't even interested in doing a few years ago. Still, I realize that I am a bit too focused on unimportant matters. When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me, "All you care about is: How can [Siobhan] have fun?" Though I believe all people have a right to some fun in their lives, there is also a time for me to be serious and do what needs to be done, whether I enjoy it or not.
I realize that these positive changes aren't going to happen overnight; frankly, I'm not 100% sure exactly what changes I should make. What I do know is that I can't keep refusing to take others' advice just because it might backfire, or I could fail, or it won't be easy. You all want me to have the best life possible, but I simply tuned you out because you weren't telling me what I wanted to hear, and proceeded to keep doing what I was already doing. It's time for that to stop; frankly, I think refusing to change my ways has been among the reasons why so many people have "unfriended" me.
So, now...do you have any suggestions for positive changes I should make? What should I start doing? What should I stop doing? What should I learn how to do? What new habits should I try to form? What bad habits should I break? If you don't tell me, then I won't know.
Let me explain: For far too long, I have ignored suggestions that well-meaning people have given me. Of course, some of them simply wouldn't have worked; that's especially true when it came to pretty much anything involving my oldest sister. Most people had no clue what having an immediate family member such as her was like, so their asking, "Why don't you...?" was out of a lack of understanding. Still, there have been plenty of other situations or problems I've faced where people have told me what I should do, and I just refused to even attempt it. I used excuses ranging from past events to "knowing" that I would fail to even, "I didn't do it previously; why do I need to now?"
That has got to change. I'm reminded of a longtime friend who once had a serious relationship with a guy that she almost married. Why didn't they say, "I do"? Simply because he chose to sit around and play video games instead of "getting real" about his life. It's true that I've made some positive steps in recent years; getting a job, sticking to a daily Bible reading, learning to take the bus, and contributing to the household in multiple ways are all good things that I wasn't even interested in doing a few years ago. Still, I realize that I am a bit too focused on unimportant matters. When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me, "All you care about is: How can [Siobhan] have fun?" Though I believe all people have a right to some fun in their lives, there is also a time for me to be serious and do what needs to be done, whether I enjoy it or not.
I realize that these positive changes aren't going to happen overnight; frankly, I'm not 100% sure exactly what changes I should make. What I do know is that I can't keep refusing to take others' advice just because it might backfire, or I could fail, or it won't be easy. You all want me to have the best life possible, but I simply tuned you out because you weren't telling me what I wanted to hear, and proceeded to keep doing what I was already doing. It's time for that to stop; frankly, I think refusing to change my ways has been among the reasons why so many people have "unfriended" me.
So, now...do you have any suggestions for positive changes I should make? What should I start doing? What should I stop doing? What should I learn how to do? What new habits should I try to form? What bad habits should I break? If you don't tell me, then I won't know.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
A Literary Approach...to Movies? Yes.
On Christmas Day 2001, my sister and brother-in-law invited me to see The Fellowship of the Ring with them at our local cinema. We arrived quite early; so much so that we had to sit on a bench outside the theater and wait for the cleaning crew to come out before taking our seats. When we did get in, there was nothing but white on the movie screen; my brother-in-law joked, "This is the short film before the movie; it's called Polar Bear in a Snow Storm!" As other folks trickled in, the normal pre-film advertising started, and even the trailers included an ad for the Nintendo GameCube, which, as a Nintendo fan, I liked. When the lights went down, it wasn't long until I became really antsy. I kept looking at my watch, wondering how long I was going to have to sit there, and the dramatic pauses after each line continually drove me insane. For years after that, I repeatedly said that I despised the world of Middle-Earth, simply because of that experience.
However, just last year, I bought the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on DVD at a yard sale in my neighborhood. What changed? I realized that the problem I had wasn't with the movie; it was my attention span. At the time, I was not much of a movie watcher; I had a favorite show--Diff'rent Strokes--but, when that wasn't on, I was usually spending my spare time playing video games or on the Internet. With most of my entertainment--that is, pretty much everything except sitcoms--I preferred to do it a little at a time. That probably stemmed from my Mac CD-ROM, Super NES, and Game Boy Color games, almost all of which had some sort of "save" feature. Instead of attempting to finish them in one sitting, which would have been quite grueling in most cases, I simply played them for a little while, then "bookmarked" my progress on the game's cartridge or my hard drive to come back to it later. The same concept probably goes even farther back to the days when I read like crazy; I couldn't have finished those thick books in just one sitting.
Since then, watching movies a little at a time has become standard procedure. In fact, I didn't care for the second and third Harry Potter flicks the first time I saw them, partly because I was trying to watch them in one sitting. (The other reason? I hadn't finished watching the first one, so I had trouble understanding the next two!) Though some movies are easily watched all at once--for example, The Avengers had me hook, line, and sinker almost from the start--most of them, even some of my favorites, are ones I just can't view in one sitting. Thankfully, technology, both new and old, makes it easy to do that. VHS tapes stay in the same place unless you rewind or fast forward them; DVD and Blu-Ray players usually remember your place on a disc unless you take it out, and Mac and Windows computers will "save" your stopping point; and, the Videos app on iPods, iPads, and similar devices will keep your place if you switch apps or turn the device off.
To many people, that sounds ridiculous; how could anyone not be able to sit through just one whole movie? Frankly, I sometimes wonder how most people can sit still long enough for multiple movies, which seems to be a common thing. Who knows? Maybe, if I hadn't been raised on books and computer/video games with save files, me not watching movies all at once wouldn't be the case; still, that's the life I live. Such traits is why this blog is called Siobhan Thinks Differently.
Any comments?
P. S.: This is an attempt to express my thoughts without coming off as staunchly defensive or preachy. Did I do it?
However, just last year, I bought the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy on DVD at a yard sale in my neighborhood. What changed? I realized that the problem I had wasn't with the movie; it was my attention span. At the time, I was not much of a movie watcher; I had a favorite show--Diff'rent Strokes--but, when that wasn't on, I was usually spending my spare time playing video games or on the Internet. With most of my entertainment--that is, pretty much everything except sitcoms--I preferred to do it a little at a time. That probably stemmed from my Mac CD-ROM, Super NES, and Game Boy Color games, almost all of which had some sort of "save" feature. Instead of attempting to finish them in one sitting, which would have been quite grueling in most cases, I simply played them for a little while, then "bookmarked" my progress on the game's cartridge or my hard drive to come back to it later. The same concept probably goes even farther back to the days when I read like crazy; I couldn't have finished those thick books in just one sitting.
Since then, watching movies a little at a time has become standard procedure. In fact, I didn't care for the second and third Harry Potter flicks the first time I saw them, partly because I was trying to watch them in one sitting. (The other reason? I hadn't finished watching the first one, so I had trouble understanding the next two!) Though some movies are easily watched all at once--for example, The Avengers had me hook, line, and sinker almost from the start--most of them, even some of my favorites, are ones I just can't view in one sitting. Thankfully, technology, both new and old, makes it easy to do that. VHS tapes stay in the same place unless you rewind or fast forward them; DVD and Blu-Ray players usually remember your place on a disc unless you take it out, and Mac and Windows computers will "save" your stopping point; and, the Videos app on iPods, iPads, and similar devices will keep your place if you switch apps or turn the device off.
To many people, that sounds ridiculous; how could anyone not be able to sit through just one whole movie? Frankly, I sometimes wonder how most people can sit still long enough for multiple movies, which seems to be a common thing. Who knows? Maybe, if I hadn't been raised on books and computer/video games with save files, me not watching movies all at once wouldn't be the case; still, that's the life I live. Such traits is why this blog is called Siobhan Thinks Differently.
Any comments?
P. S.: This is an attempt to express my thoughts without coming off as staunchly defensive or preachy. Did I do it?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Why Disney? Why Nickelodeon?: Part Two
As usual, when I typed last night's blog post, there were some thoughts that didn't make it, even though I had them in my head while I was thinking out what I wanted to say. If you haven't seen the original "Why Disney? Why Nickelodeon?" post, I would suggest that you go read it now. It may be a bit long, but I think it'll answer some questions that many of you have probably been asking. You read it? Okay, then, let's get going.
I'll start with what I said in the last paragraph about celebrity/show idolatry. The Bible is pretty clear: Putting anything or anyone before God is a sin. I mentioned that I was too busy researching my favorite media to even think about reading God's Word; what I didn't say was that, even from a secular standpoint, an obsession is bad. Some of you may remember this story, but, for those who don't, here it is: When I was taking a computer class during the summer of 2001, my assigned seat was right next to a girl who liked Dragon Ball Z. I couldn't have cared less about that anime cartoon, but the guy who sat on the other side was fanatical about it. His adoration of that show was so great, it made her not like it anymore. Even with myself, people of all ages have simply gotten annoyed because I only wanted to talk about a few topics, if not just one. It turned away people who could have been my friends otherwise. It got to the point where my mom told me, "You have a one-track mind!"
As I said, I don't know whether those days are past, but I think the fact that I've stuck to reading the Bible every day for well over a year is a step in the right direction. Not only that, but many of the people I talk to frequently don't know and/or don't care about my favorite shows. Now that I'm well-versed in various sorts of entertainment, I can talk wit them about topics that have nothing to do with Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel. That may not sound like much to you, but, compared to what I was, that's a really good start.
Here's another point: When I was a freshman in high school, the teacher of my Sunday school class decided to do something different by showing a clip from the Michael W. Smith: Worship DVD. It started with Mr. Smith reading a verse from Psalms; then, he began performing a vocal/piano number that only had one verse and a chorus that simply repeated the phrase, "Everywhere I go, I see You." Mr. Smith would sing that line, and the live audience would repeat it; it happened several times throughout the song. What should have been a special moment was ruined by two guys who couldn't refrain from mocking the song, and, therefore, the teacher. No one else had any problem with it, but those two spouting off insults such as, "You could not even know this song, and know all the words to this song!", "People actually paid money to see this?", and "You actually paid money for this DVD?" I felt bad for the teacher; even he said that he was trying to do something different, and, "If this is the response I get..." He wouldn't have said that if those two guys had simply kept their mouths shut.
My point? It seems like that a few people's problems with what I do, including watching Disney Channel and Nickelodeon productions, overpowers the majority of my friends and acquaintances who take no issue with it...yet, those scant few just won't let it go. To adapt an old saying, they're the squeaky wheels who want the grease...but they're not going to get it. Seriously, when people come up with inane standards they want me to follow, especially when it comes to taking away what I enjoy, it only makes me want to engage in the activities they disapprove of even more. Usually, their reasoning doesn't even work; them saying ridiculous statements such as, "You're too old for that; you need to find something more appropriate for your age!" proves that they don't get me, because I am that rebel who does pretty much everything differently. If I'm the only twenty-five-year-old who is watching Austin & Ally, so what? It's not for those people to decide.
Another point that sort of ties in with that one: I don't remember the exact situation, but a friend, who happened to have his black belt in Tae Kwon Do, once told me that I had to do as he said because he was a black belt. (What did he want me to do? I honestly couldn't tell you.) Years later, I shared that story with another friend--who, as far as I know, had never seen that guy in her life--and she said, "Don't let people push you around like that, [Siobhan]." That's actually really good advice; unfortunately, there are people who want to "push me around like that," including by taking away what I enjoy, including my favorite entertainment. Those "pushers" don't have the power to take it away, and I'm not going to give it to them. The more adamant they become that I shouldn't do, like, read, watch, or listen to whatever, the more I'm going to do just what they don't want me to do.
My final statement is more on entertainment in general: Anybody who has been watching entertainment trends knows that, when it comes to offensive content, there's more of it to go around than ever before. One need look no further than the recent Movie 43 for a perfect example of how far-gone media morality is these days. However, there are some recent trends that discerning viewers can actually rejoice over. The Dove Foundation reported in December 2012 that not only were there less "R" rated films, but movies they approved performed three times better at the box office than ones they didn't. Plus, they were able to approve 18% more flicks from January to late November that year than they did during the same timeframe in 2011. I personally noticed something that was a good sign: The DVD of We Bought a Zoo features a "family-friendly language track" that, one would assume, eliminates the profanities that caused the movie to get a "PG" rating. One can only hope that more flicks will follow suit. I think entertainment companies are realizing that parents and even some childless adults want more family-appropriate films, TV shows, music, games and such, and, since the one rule of business is to "go where the money is," they're at least attempting to head in that direction. I'll just have to see how that pans out; in the meantime, I'm going to be watching sitcoms on the Disney Channel, since they're the only current ones that aren't bogged down with sex jokes, profanities, drug references, and other obscene content. Whether you accept it or use it as grounds to attack me is your call; just remember what Matthew 12:36-37 says about the power your words have.
I'll start with what I said in the last paragraph about celebrity/show idolatry. The Bible is pretty clear: Putting anything or anyone before God is a sin. I mentioned that I was too busy researching my favorite media to even think about reading God's Word; what I didn't say was that, even from a secular standpoint, an obsession is bad. Some of you may remember this story, but, for those who don't, here it is: When I was taking a computer class during the summer of 2001, my assigned seat was right next to a girl who liked Dragon Ball Z. I couldn't have cared less about that anime cartoon, but the guy who sat on the other side was fanatical about it. His adoration of that show was so great, it made her not like it anymore. Even with myself, people of all ages have simply gotten annoyed because I only wanted to talk about a few topics, if not just one. It turned away people who could have been my friends otherwise. It got to the point where my mom told me, "You have a one-track mind!"
As I said, I don't know whether those days are past, but I think the fact that I've stuck to reading the Bible every day for well over a year is a step in the right direction. Not only that, but many of the people I talk to frequently don't know and/or don't care about my favorite shows. Now that I'm well-versed in various sorts of entertainment, I can talk wit them about topics that have nothing to do with Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel. That may not sound like much to you, but, compared to what I was, that's a really good start.
Here's another point: When I was a freshman in high school, the teacher of my Sunday school class decided to do something different by showing a clip from the Michael W. Smith: Worship DVD. It started with Mr. Smith reading a verse from Psalms; then, he began performing a vocal/piano number that only had one verse and a chorus that simply repeated the phrase, "Everywhere I go, I see You." Mr. Smith would sing that line, and the live audience would repeat it; it happened several times throughout the song. What should have been a special moment was ruined by two guys who couldn't refrain from mocking the song, and, therefore, the teacher. No one else had any problem with it, but those two spouting off insults such as, "You could not even know this song, and know all the words to this song!", "People actually paid money to see this?", and "You actually paid money for this DVD?" I felt bad for the teacher; even he said that he was trying to do something different, and, "If this is the response I get..." He wouldn't have said that if those two guys had simply kept their mouths shut.
My point? It seems like that a few people's problems with what I do, including watching Disney Channel and Nickelodeon productions, overpowers the majority of my friends and acquaintances who take no issue with it...yet, those scant few just won't let it go. To adapt an old saying, they're the squeaky wheels who want the grease...but they're not going to get it. Seriously, when people come up with inane standards they want me to follow, especially when it comes to taking away what I enjoy, it only makes me want to engage in the activities they disapprove of even more. Usually, their reasoning doesn't even work; them saying ridiculous statements such as, "You're too old for that; you need to find something more appropriate for your age!" proves that they don't get me, because I am that rebel who does pretty much everything differently. If I'm the only twenty-five-year-old who is watching Austin & Ally, so what? It's not for those people to decide.
Another point that sort of ties in with that one: I don't remember the exact situation, but a friend, who happened to have his black belt in Tae Kwon Do, once told me that I had to do as he said because he was a black belt. (What did he want me to do? I honestly couldn't tell you.) Years later, I shared that story with another friend--who, as far as I know, had never seen that guy in her life--and she said, "Don't let people push you around like that, [Siobhan]." That's actually really good advice; unfortunately, there are people who want to "push me around like that," including by taking away what I enjoy, including my favorite entertainment. Those "pushers" don't have the power to take it away, and I'm not going to give it to them. The more adamant they become that I shouldn't do, like, read, watch, or listen to whatever, the more I'm going to do just what they don't want me to do.
My final statement is more on entertainment in general: Anybody who has been watching entertainment trends knows that, when it comes to offensive content, there's more of it to go around than ever before. One need look no further than the recent Movie 43 for a perfect example of how far-gone media morality is these days. However, there are some recent trends that discerning viewers can actually rejoice over. The Dove Foundation reported in December 2012 that not only were there less "R" rated films, but movies they approved performed three times better at the box office than ones they didn't. Plus, they were able to approve 18% more flicks from January to late November that year than they did during the same timeframe in 2011. I personally noticed something that was a good sign: The DVD of We Bought a Zoo features a "family-friendly language track" that, one would assume, eliminates the profanities that caused the movie to get a "PG" rating. One can only hope that more flicks will follow suit. I think entertainment companies are realizing that parents and even some childless adults want more family-appropriate films, TV shows, music, games and such, and, since the one rule of business is to "go where the money is," they're at least attempting to head in that direction. I'll just have to see how that pans out; in the meantime, I'm going to be watching sitcoms on the Disney Channel, since they're the only current ones that aren't bogged down with sex jokes, profanities, drug references, and other obscene content. Whether you accept it or use it as grounds to attack me is your call; just remember what Matthew 12:36-37 says about the power your words have.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Why Disney? Why Nickelodeon?
 |
| The answer? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! |
As a young kid, I wasn't much of a couch potato. Though I had my moments where I was told to turn the television off and do something else, I spent most of my time in front of a computer. I had shows that I liked, ranging from Home Improvement to Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers to The Cosby Show to Doug, but Commodore 64 and Mac OS 7 games still took up more of my time than anything else. That all changed in third grade, when I became fanatical over The Magic School Bus, which started as a book series and later became a television show and a line of computer games, only two of which were Mac compatible; yes, I had both. The computer became even less of a focus in fourth grade, when I found out about Growing Pains, and, at the end of the year, Scooby-Doo. I couldn't do much on my computer related to them, since all I had was an antiquated Mac sans Internet, so I spent my time watching them every chance I got. If they weren't on, I went and did something else, but if I could watch them, I did.
Why did I like those shows that much? Well, first off, they were funny; not only that, but they didn't subscribe to the crude mentality that plagued most shows, even back in the nineties. I'd always heard that many shows on our cable were "bad," but it wasn't until a nurse's aide, who was taking care of my oldest sister, watched a rather bawdy episode of Ellen about a sex tape, while I was innocently sitting at my Mac playing Operation Neptune!, that I realized what garbage was out there.
As time went on, I got into other media, some of which included shows (Mork & Mindy, Pokémon, Weakest Link, and Digimon) and some that didn't (contemporary Christian music and Super Smash Bros. Melee, for example). In eighth grade, I was pretty much the retro guy, who was known for adoring Diff'rent Strokes. By the time the year was over, I had also rediscovered Growing Pains and Mork & Mindy; the former even became my number one show just before I started high school. Whatever the shows were, I liked them for the same reason: they were fun, funny, and innocent. I didn't care that many of them were older than me.
It wasn't that far into my freshman year when Growing Pains was removed from ABC Family's lineup, which left me with no way to watch it. For a while, I was so frustrated that I felt like throwing my television in the trash; seriously, without the Seavers, what was there to watch? However, when a younger kid my mom was taking care of, who happened to be well-versed in all things "kiddie" television, showed me Lizzie McGuire, it had me hook, line, and sinker. I'd seen the show previously; an episode on ABC's The Wonderful World of Disney was all about Aaron Carter, and it was followed by the BBMak-themed Even Stevens. Since I couldn't have cared less about either of those musical acts, it made me not want to watch those shows, because it seemed that they were about nothing but such singers. However, seeing Lizzie, albeit for the third or fourth time, made me a fan. Gone were the days of living in the past; my favorite show and actress both became current. Not only was the content even cleaner than most of the classic shows I'd previously liked, but other people my age watched them, and they were still just as fun and funny, if not more so, than Growing Pains and such ever were.
Over the years, I discovered Even Stevens, That's So Raven, Phil of the Future, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, as well as Nickelodeon's Drake & Josh, all of which entertained me immensely and provided me with many laughs and smiles. I knew many of my friends were watching shows that had plenty of profanity, sexual content, graphic violence, drug use, and such, but I had no interest in joining them; I was happy with, not to mention proud of, my viewing choices.
Towards the end of my senior year, I ditched the Disney Channel as a sacrifice for the infamous "Rewind"; I had given up my celebrity crushes for her, and Ashley Tisdale, who starred in Suite Life, was number two; yes, Anne Hathaway was numero uno. Upon finding out of her significant other a few months after graduating, I went back to them, but, for some reason, I was still somewhat hesitant to watch the Mouse network. When I did one day--completely out of boredom--I laughed so hard that I realized I had been missing out.
The next few years were strange for my television tastes. I went back and forth about American Idol at first, but really got into when Carly Smithson was on there, and my interest intensified even further after Siobhan Magnus joined. That wasn't the only reality show I liked; I also watched HGTV's Design Star, if only because contestant Lonni Paul caught my eye. Still, a kiddie show won out; however, it was Nickelodeon's iCarly this time instead of any Disney sitcom.
I'm sure you all know how I ended up becoming a fan of VICTORiOUS; long story short, watching the pilot after the Kids' Choice Awards on Nick got me hooked. For a while, I largely avoided Disney's shows, but, in the wake of my two favorite Nick shows ending, I ventured back, and was glad I did. Good Luck Charlie, Dog with a Blog, Shake It Up and A.N.T. Farm were all equally entertaining and more innocent than Carly and Tori's shows, but the one that really got me interested was Austin & Ally. Not only is the show cute, clean, and fun, but it stars Laura Marano, who was my favorite kid on the first season of Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader? (You didn't know those kids were actors and actresses? How else do you think they fooled the adult contestants into thinking they couldn't "save" them, when they actually could?) Between live television and the "Watch Disney Channel" app on my iPad, I have watched plenty of those new-found shows over the past two months.
No matter what kind of shows they were--reality/competition or sitcom--or where they aired--major network or cable channel--the one thing I liked about all of the past and present favorites was their clean content. If they'd been bogged down with the same salacious garbage as Friends or Will & Grace, I wouldn't have supported them. True, some of them did have their moments--"The Breakfast Bunch" episode of VICTORiOUS was terrible, and I muted the TV and watched a movie on my iPad during Lady Gaga's raunchy performance on one of the Idol finales--but, for the most part, they stayed clean.
You may ask why most of the shows I liked/like were/are intended for kids. Simply put, it seems that Disney and Nick shows are the only ones I can find these days that don't have the inappropriate content. Oftentimes, when I read or hear about what's appearing on the major networks or even other cable stations, I'm so shocked that I want no part of it.
That brings me to an important point: Why do I not spend much time with media that is intended for people my age? Simply put, most of it is garbage. Think about it: What kind of media can "young adults" experience that the Disney crowd--ages eight to fourteen--largely can't? Give up? Movies that are rated "R". Still, even though I am well past the "legal age" to watch such a film, I avoid them like the plague; if the secular standard says they're "only for mature audiences," what would God's standard be? The only media intended for people my age that is morally decent are shows that are meant for everyone, such as Jeopardy! (not that many young people bother with it.)
Unfortunately, it seems that most people my age, including Christians, don't subscribe to that mentality. Instead of using discernment, they'll just watch whatever they want and think nothing of it. Christian actor Kirk Cameron had this to say in a Plugged In article:
Pastors and counselors are worn out trying to get through to these kids, who have their affections rooted in both the church and the world. Our young people feel they can attend a Sunday service or a mid-week youth group event, then go to a party and gossip or sleep with their friends without any qualms of conscience. They have no problem lifting their hands and swaying to the latest praise-and-worship CD, then turning around and singing along with Eminem. And when they want to dress like a prostitute and act like one, or watch ungodly movies and television programs, they think parents and pastors shouldn’t have any problem with that. As long as kids feel justified in their pursuit of "personal fulfillment and ultimate happiness" we will always be two steps behind, chasing after them, eating the dust they have kicked up as they pursue the idol of Personal Pleasure.
Yes, he was talking about teens, but that was written in 2003, so those kids he was speaking of are "young adults" now. It seems that they are still chasing that idol; they couldn't care less about what the Bible has to say about such matters. As a random commentator on the Plugged In Facebook page said, "It seems that entertainment is one area where the Devil has a foothold." I couldn't agree more with that statement.
I will conclude with two thoughts. First one: Most people, including some non-Christians, have a weird sort of reverence for a church building. I've heard people young and old make statements while in a church building such as, "I can't say those words here," "We're not listening to that in church," or, "I have some things to say, but this isn't the place for it." What most people don't realize is that the church isn't a building; the people are the church. So, when you're watching or listening to something that you know wouldn't be allowed to be shown or played during a church service or within a church's walls, if you're a Christian, you have to realize: If you're watching it, the Church is watching it, because you are the church!
Last point: Though many would agree that the innocence of my media diet is a good thing, I know, as do some of you, that there was one big problem with it: I was making the entertainers and/or their characters into idols. Though the secular definition of "idol" seems to be "someone you look up to," I took it beyond that. In fact, one friend I hadn't spoken to in a while asked me when we reconnected, "You still worship that one actress?" I had plenty of time to find out all kinds of trivia and other information about my favorite shows and their stars, but couldn't get around to reading the Bible unless I was told to by my mom or literally sitting in church or Sunday school. For me, what Hilary Duff was doing was more important than anything else, including what God had to say. That's actually changed; I have been doing daily Bible readings with audio Bibles for over a year now, and was surprised at how much I didn't know about God's Word. To be frank, at first, I didn't take it all that seriously; I would listen while I was preparing and eating lunch, and usually didn't "rewind" when I missed something. Once, I even did my reading during the commercial breaks of a show I was watching. Now, I always have God's Word in front of me--in most cases, via an iPod or iPad app--while I'm hearing it, so that I can have total immersion. I started with the New Testament, then went back to the Old; I am currently working through Ezekiel. Not only that, but my media diet is much more diverse; whereas I previously didn't "have the time" to read even what I was assigned to--whether it was the Bible or a piece of literature for English class--I now read, watch, and listen to various entertainment, ranging from science-fiction novels to classic rock songs to superhero cartoons to old-school mysteries to current pop songs to teen-centric stories...and it doesn't stop there! That said, idolatry is still a bit of a struggle for me; it is for all of us, though. Whereas I may struggle with "worshiping" celebrities and shows, others' struggles are with the "worship" of sports, relationships, work, and countless other things. I'm trying to be a fan of my favorite entertainment and entertainers without being a fanatic; I think I'm doing pretty well, but I'm always in denial about myself. I never knew I was obsessed with anything until others told me I was. Oh, well; at least I'm giving it my best shot.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Learning to Love...Myself? Hopefully.
Today is Valentine's Day, where everyone tells their significant other, "I love you," sometimes accompanied by a gift. There are plenty of weddings or marriage proposals that occur on this date, and everyone who went to a public school remembers passing out those little cards. Though love--whether romantic or otherwise--is important, it shouldn't be something limited to just one day out of the year; still, most holiday traditions present ways to show a loved one how much you care about them.
Though I am a lifelong single, I often try to do things to show my friends and family that I care about them. My mom is always very happy when I come home from the library or a yard sale with a new book, CD, or DVD for her. Not only that, but, when the holidays or their birthdays come around, I either give my friends printed cards, if I regularly see them in person, or I send them an e-card, both of which I make on Print Shop. Of course, being the original that I am, I take a different approach than most people would. Instead of cupcakes with candles or winking Santa Clauses, I often use celebrity images--usually of my favorite actresses--and/or fictional characters, such as Yoda or Harry Potter's Fleur Delacour. Everyone who receives one of those homemade cards appreciates it, and I'm glad to show others that I love them. However, when it comes to showing love, there's one person who has never received enough of it from me: myself.
When I used to ask others why I hadn't been in a relationship yet, one female friend used to always tell me, "YOU don't love you, so how can you expect anyone else to?" I once came across a book titled How Can I Learn to Love You, When I Can't Even Love Myself? Some of my single female friends probably asked--and may be still asking--a turnaround version of that titular question: "How can I learn to love you...when you don't even love yourself?" Though I try to be a tolerant person, there are some character traits I see in others that endlessly irk me. Probably tops on my list is being conceited. One example is shampoo maven Paul Mitchell; I haven't ever used his products, but his commercials annoy me, just because he comes off as a stuck-up rich guy who only hangs out with gorgeous hair models. Even an old friend of mine used to constantly remind me and his siblings that he was the "best in the state" at a sport, because he had won a state championship, but he didn't act like a champion in other respects; when he whined like a baby on his fourteenth birthday because he lost a round of the Nintendo 64 classic GoldenEye, it was like seeing Michael Jordan or Mark McGwire crying in a bathroom stall after losing a game of checkers.
As you'd expect, that's how I try not to be. However, many times, I end up being the exact opposite; a downer who considers myself worthless, talentless, and stupid. Instead of loving myself too much, it seems that I don't love myself enough. Both situations may sound extreme, but there's a reason for that: People with Asperger Syndrome, such as myself, mostly operate in extremes. We either do something too much, or we don't do it at all; we either go too far, or don't go far enough; we either adore it, or we despise it. The right way of loving yourself is doing it in moderation; not thinking you're better than everyone else, but also not thinking of yourself as worthless scum. However, doing anything in moderation has never really been my strong suit, so, based on Proverbs 16:18, I chose the lesser of two evils by disliking myself instead of thinking I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
There's a problem with that, though: According to Jesus, the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). Though Bible scholars and readers usually focus on the first three words of that divine instruction, the last two are just as important. David's infamous proclamation in Psalm 139:14 only proves that point even further.
So, what's a chronic extremist such as myself to do? First off, saying that I can't practice moderation is incorrect; I'm reminded of a scene from The Wonderful World of Disney's Noah, which was a modern adaptation of the story in Genesis, where the present-day ark-builder finds that "can't" was literally cut out of their dictionary by his late wife prior to her death. Sure, exercising moderation may be difficult, but that doesn't make it impossible. Also, there have been times where big-time downers were just as annoying as Paul Mitchell; I'm reminded of an old friend whose every statement sounded as negative as a Linkin Park song. True, he had been through some hard times; his marital troubles, which led to separation and, later, divorce, broke the hearts of many who knew him. Still, his comments on nearly everything were redolent with despair, and, to be frank, it was a bit frustrating at times. I would say that people like him, as well as the Paul Mitchells of the world, are both Tim Taylor-style examples: they show me what not to do.
One thing I've heard over the years is, "You don't have any self-respect." Though it's been over half a decade since someone spoke those exact words to me, the general meaning has been delivered to me from friends and others in various ways. Usually, people have said that because I did something no one should be doing, but wasn't the least bit embarrassed when I was caught doing it, or because my hygiene skills were not up to par. In recent years, I have tried to become better about that, but breaking bad habits that I've pretty much had my whole life has proved rather challenging.
I'd like to think that I'm a happier person--and, therefore, love myself more--because of recent changes in my life. I used to have my parents drive me everywhere I wanted to go; now, I take the bus to work, and walk to places in my neighborhood when I can. Previously, any item that I wanted that wasn't available at a yard sale had to be handed to me, due to my lack of income; now that I have a job, I can buy what I want with money I earned myself. In years past, I was frustrated because I had too much spare time on my hands, and sometimes took it out on my friends; having a job and filling my spare time with entertainment changed that. Yes, I am proud of my achievements, but I don't want to become overly proud of what I've done; remember Proverbs 16:18? Loving yourself just the right amount seems to be a tightrope walk, at least for me. Doing it too much is sinful; however, not loving yourself is an insult to the One who created you. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can learn to have better self-esteem without becoming a Paul Mitchell clone.
I will end with two points. First one: When you see something on television you don't like, for whatever reason, you at least have a desire to change the channel. If you can't find something worth watching on television, you might put a DVD or video on, or turn on the radio, or read a book, or find something online to do. Well, at the end of the day, I have to look back at what's happened since I woke up and ask, "Do I like what I see?" A day like today is a good one; I got quite a bit done at work today, and my newly refurbished iPod came back. However, if I lost my temper, or made an unkind statement to or about someone, then that makes for a bad day, but it's my own fault. If I'm going to love myself, I have to be someone that I can love, which goes back to the Golden Rule: doing to others what you would want them to do to you.
Last one: Let's say you were attending a surprise birthday party for a friend. You're hiding in the shadows, and the birthday boy or girl comes in, and you all yell, "Surprise!"...when your friend immediately walks out, gets in his/her car, and drives off without a word. Wouldn't you be offended that he/she refused to attend a party where tons of people came to celebrate him/her? Well, I hate to say it, but that's how I've been. People wanted me to celebrate who I was, what I could do, what talents I had, and the adversity I've overcome...but I was too busy despising myself to even think about doing it. I have friends and family who love me; now, it's time I learned to love myself. It'll be a hard road, but I know I can do it. Can you help me with that?
Though I am a lifelong single, I often try to do things to show my friends and family that I care about them. My mom is always very happy when I come home from the library or a yard sale with a new book, CD, or DVD for her. Not only that, but, when the holidays or their birthdays come around, I either give my friends printed cards, if I regularly see them in person, or I send them an e-card, both of which I make on Print Shop. Of course, being the original that I am, I take a different approach than most people would. Instead of cupcakes with candles or winking Santa Clauses, I often use celebrity images--usually of my favorite actresses--and/or fictional characters, such as Yoda or Harry Potter's Fleur Delacour. Everyone who receives one of those homemade cards appreciates it, and I'm glad to show others that I love them. However, when it comes to showing love, there's one person who has never received enough of it from me: myself.
When I used to ask others why I hadn't been in a relationship yet, one female friend used to always tell me, "YOU don't love you, so how can you expect anyone else to?" I once came across a book titled How Can I Learn to Love You, When I Can't Even Love Myself? Some of my single female friends probably asked--and may be still asking--a turnaround version of that titular question: "How can I learn to love you...when you don't even love yourself?" Though I try to be a tolerant person, there are some character traits I see in others that endlessly irk me. Probably tops on my list is being conceited. One example is shampoo maven Paul Mitchell; I haven't ever used his products, but his commercials annoy me, just because he comes off as a stuck-up rich guy who only hangs out with gorgeous hair models. Even an old friend of mine used to constantly remind me and his siblings that he was the "best in the state" at a sport, because he had won a state championship, but he didn't act like a champion in other respects; when he whined like a baby on his fourteenth birthday because he lost a round of the Nintendo 64 classic GoldenEye, it was like seeing Michael Jordan or Mark McGwire crying in a bathroom stall after losing a game of checkers.
As you'd expect, that's how I try not to be. However, many times, I end up being the exact opposite; a downer who considers myself worthless, talentless, and stupid. Instead of loving myself too much, it seems that I don't love myself enough. Both situations may sound extreme, but there's a reason for that: People with Asperger Syndrome, such as myself, mostly operate in extremes. We either do something too much, or we don't do it at all; we either go too far, or don't go far enough; we either adore it, or we despise it. The right way of loving yourself is doing it in moderation; not thinking you're better than everyone else, but also not thinking of yourself as worthless scum. However, doing anything in moderation has never really been my strong suit, so, based on Proverbs 16:18, I chose the lesser of two evils by disliking myself instead of thinking I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
There's a problem with that, though: According to Jesus, the second greatest commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). Though Bible scholars and readers usually focus on the first three words of that divine instruction, the last two are just as important. David's infamous proclamation in Psalm 139:14 only proves that point even further.
So, what's a chronic extremist such as myself to do? First off, saying that I can't practice moderation is incorrect; I'm reminded of a scene from The Wonderful World of Disney's Noah, which was a modern adaptation of the story in Genesis, where the present-day ark-builder finds that "can't" was literally cut out of their dictionary by his late wife prior to her death. Sure, exercising moderation may be difficult, but that doesn't make it impossible. Also, there have been times where big-time downers were just as annoying as Paul Mitchell; I'm reminded of an old friend whose every statement sounded as negative as a Linkin Park song. True, he had been through some hard times; his marital troubles, which led to separation and, later, divorce, broke the hearts of many who knew him. Still, his comments on nearly everything were redolent with despair, and, to be frank, it was a bit frustrating at times. I would say that people like him, as well as the Paul Mitchells of the world, are both Tim Taylor-style examples: they show me what not to do.
One thing I've heard over the years is, "You don't have any self-respect." Though it's been over half a decade since someone spoke those exact words to me, the general meaning has been delivered to me from friends and others in various ways. Usually, people have said that because I did something no one should be doing, but wasn't the least bit embarrassed when I was caught doing it, or because my hygiene skills were not up to par. In recent years, I have tried to become better about that, but breaking bad habits that I've pretty much had my whole life has proved rather challenging.
I'd like to think that I'm a happier person--and, therefore, love myself more--because of recent changes in my life. I used to have my parents drive me everywhere I wanted to go; now, I take the bus to work, and walk to places in my neighborhood when I can. Previously, any item that I wanted that wasn't available at a yard sale had to be handed to me, due to my lack of income; now that I have a job, I can buy what I want with money I earned myself. In years past, I was frustrated because I had too much spare time on my hands, and sometimes took it out on my friends; having a job and filling my spare time with entertainment changed that. Yes, I am proud of my achievements, but I don't want to become overly proud of what I've done; remember Proverbs 16:18? Loving yourself just the right amount seems to be a tightrope walk, at least for me. Doing it too much is sinful; however, not loving yourself is an insult to the One who created you. I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe, I can learn to have better self-esteem without becoming a Paul Mitchell clone.
I will end with two points. First one: When you see something on television you don't like, for whatever reason, you at least have a desire to change the channel. If you can't find something worth watching on television, you might put a DVD or video on, or turn on the radio, or read a book, or find something online to do. Well, at the end of the day, I have to look back at what's happened since I woke up and ask, "Do I like what I see?" A day like today is a good one; I got quite a bit done at work today, and my newly refurbished iPod came back. However, if I lost my temper, or made an unkind statement to or about someone, then that makes for a bad day, but it's my own fault. If I'm going to love myself, I have to be someone that I can love, which goes back to the Golden Rule: doing to others what you would want them to do to you.
Last one: Let's say you were attending a surprise birthday party for a friend. You're hiding in the shadows, and the birthday boy or girl comes in, and you all yell, "Surprise!"...when your friend immediately walks out, gets in his/her car, and drives off without a word. Wouldn't you be offended that he/she refused to attend a party where tons of people came to celebrate him/her? Well, I hate to say it, but that's how I've been. People wanted me to celebrate who I was, what I could do, what talents I had, and the adversity I've overcome...but I was too busy despising myself to even think about doing it. I have friends and family who love me; now, it's time I learned to love myself. It'll be a hard road, but I know I can do it. Can you help me with that?
Friday, January 25, 2013
Spending More Time Doing What I Love
I did a little count today, and found out that, among the 240 DVDs, VHS tapes, and Blu-Rays in my collection, 160 of them are ones that I have watched less than half of, if any part of them at all. That amounts to two-thirds of my collection that I have yet to watch. Even more to the point, there are numerous books on my shelves, most of which I have yet to read. That's got to change; what kind of entertainment fan would I be if I'm not spending time with what media I have?
Frankly, though, I've been that way before; when I was a kid, I wanted to have a massive Beanie Baby collection, but was unwilling to work for them. I simply wanted them handed to me, and whined and complained because I only got them as birthday and Christmas gifts, which was my own fault. Now, it seems, I'm doing essentially the same thing: spending more time and effort figuring out how to amass more media--library sales, thrift stores, yard/garage sales, trade-ins, eBay, discounts, coupons, etc.--instead of actually using my time to consume the media that I already have. Though I have read some books and watched some movies lately, it hasn't been as many as I could have. The chronic distraction of Facebook only makes matters worse.
So, here is my plan for the rest of the year, which was inspired by my resolution for 2013:
All right, I'm done; there are DVDs to be watched, and books to be read. Look on Siobhan's Entertainment Reviews if you want to see my thoughts on them.
Frankly, though, I've been that way before; when I was a kid, I wanted to have a massive Beanie Baby collection, but was unwilling to work for them. I simply wanted them handed to me, and whined and complained because I only got them as birthday and Christmas gifts, which was my own fault. Now, it seems, I'm doing essentially the same thing: spending more time and effort figuring out how to amass more media--library sales, thrift stores, yard/garage sales, trade-ins, eBay, discounts, coupons, etc.--instead of actually using my time to consume the media that I already have. Though I have read some books and watched some movies lately, it hasn't been as many as I could have. The chronic distraction of Facebook only makes matters worse.
So, here is my plan for the rest of the year, which was inspired by my resolution for 2013:
- Spend less time looking for "deals" online, poking around endlessly on Facebook, or doing other non-constructive tasks.
- Spend more of my spare time doing what I love: reading books, watching movies and TV shows, and reviewing whatever I've just read or watched online.
All right, I'm done; there are DVDs to be watched, and books to be read. Look on Siobhan's Entertainment Reviews if you want to see my thoughts on them.
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