Two Different Issues...One Big Reason Why

There is something that I've been debating about doing for a while.  Many of my friends have done it, and some have had success, whereas others have suffered tragedy as a result of it.  In the past, I've taken steps towards it...but, there always seemed to be hindrances of some sort, such as those who could help me do it not being able to for any number of reasons.  At one point, I was completely happy without this thing...but, eventually, peer pressure caused me to give in, if only because I thought I needed it; now, however, I'm not all that sure that's true, if only because I've known people without it who are doing just fine nonetheless.  Some people would call me a "loser" or a "wimp" because I refuse to subscribe to the mass mentality that would tell me that I need it, but I know it's for the greater good that I don't bother with it, because of the potential problems it could cause not only myself, but others as well.

Okay, now that you've read that, take a guess: What is the "it" I'm speaking of? I'll give you a hint: It has nothing to do with entertainment.  Do you know now? You're probably thinking it's either driving or being in a relationship...and, you're right; it's both.  Believe it or not, my views on myself operating a motor vehicle are quite similar to my views about myself getting married one day.  Though I've debated about these issues for years, I now realize that the fact I can't seem to get involved in them is because of divine intervention; God is keeping me from doing what everybody and their mother seems to think I should have done a long time ago.

As usual, I'll explain with a few different points.  First off: Nobody has the right to do absolutely anything they want! When I was in school, we had to get a form signed that allowed us to use the Internet on the school's computers, and one of the statements it made was, "Usage of the Internet is a privilege and not a right." I could say the same thing about driving or being in a relationship.  As a bonus page in an old teen Bible of mine said, "At age 16 [sic], most kids feel it's their God-given right to buckle up, start the engine and cruise the planet.  From somewhere deep within, they discover the drive to drive." However, just because you want to do something doesn't mean you should.  How often do we hear about fatal automobile accidents? I understand that accidents of any kind happen to everyone, but, some people just shouldn't be allowed to operate a motor vehicle...yet, they are, and lives have been lost as a result.

That aforementioned Bible page used driving as an analogy for sex, and compared getting a driver's license to a marriage license...but, just like operating a motor vehicle, sex and relationships in general aren't for everyone either.  Today's culture is so saturated with sex, you can hardly shop anywhere without seeing a magazine, DVD cover, or poster that doesn't objectify a human being, usually a woman.  Christians know that sex is only for married people; as an old children's Bible described the seventh commandment, "Keep your actions and thoughts pure.  Sex is God's gift to married couples." While I agree with that statement, I also think that people everywhere--including Christians--are desiring sex because of what they see in the media; how many times have we seen movies, television shows, and books that glorify tawdry affairs? Abstinence advocates will tell you that if you wait to have sex, it's a blast...but, I once saw an article in Christianity Today that argued that such indoctrination has led to divorces among Christians; when they discover that sex with their spouse isn't "all that and a bag of chips," it causes a rift between them that often leads to divorce.  I know that all of us have a "sex drive," but we also have a desire for revenge, and that's always wrong to act on (Romans 12:19).

Just like with driving, there are plenty of people who are or have been married but shouldn't have been...and they didn't or won't realize it until it was or is too late.  While some of my friends are still happily married, some others probably consider saying, "I do," to be the biggest mistake they've ever made, or will eventually do just that.  I'm reminded of an incident that happened back in 2004, when I was complaining about what I had to do during a summer school P.E. class.  My teacher was reprimanding me, saying, "You signed up for this class!"...but, I actually didn't.  I needed to get a class out of the way to prepare for the next school year, but I had wanted to take chemistry instead...yet, the lead special education teacher told me it wasn't available, which I later found out was a lie.  I tried telling that P.E. instructor that I was lied to; I don't know if she believed me, but, regardless of what she thought, it was not my choice to be in that class.  That summer was easily the worst one I ever had, and that stupid class was a big part of the reason why.  However, when it comes to marriage these days, no one is forcing people to say, "I do"; they do it when they choose, with whom they choose.  I know many cases of divorce are because of adultery and/or abuse...but, that's still a problem; seriously, if you can't stay true to your spouse and treat him/her with respect, why even bother getting married in the first place? Such incidents are so commonplace that it makes me afraid to even go on a date; seriously, why would I want to bother with something that was seemingly doomed from the start with way too many of my friends and family members?

Second off: The system has failed everyone! I once saw a walkthrough for an old-school computer game that said, "The game doesn't check that you SHOULD know the answers, only that you DO know the answers. [...] Consequently, the walkthrough can be EXTREMELY brief." That actually mirrors a big problem with today's education system: It focuses too much on standardized testing and not enough on actually applying the knowledge.  Sure, pretty much anybody can fill in the right bubbles on a test sheet...but, can they put what they've learned to good use? While pretty much every system--not just education--has failed people left and right, no one feels it more than millenials, aka people of my generation.  People my age were told to go to college and get a degree in order to get a high-paying job someday...only to graduate and find nothing of the sort, having to take a "McJob" just to pay the bills.  They also didn't seem to learn very much in school; I've heard that most high schoolers graduate with only a sixth grade education.  That's why many parents are pulling their kids out of the public schools, and either putting them in private schools or homeschooling them; honestly, I can't say I blame them.

More to the point: Too many "professionals" have no clue what they're doing.  I've sat in many a doctor's office only to be told something absolutely ridiculous; seriously, if they can't come up with a diagnosis easily found on Google, how did they even graduate from medical school?  It's the same with pretty much any profession; even many high-paid Hollywood actors and actresses often deliver notoriously wooden performances.  It's just saddening when you think about it; if people can't do what they're supposed to do, why on earth are we paying them? Even if they have the training, it's not worth anything if they don't utilize it correctly.

For a while, I've been afraid to pursue a driver's license because I'm afraid I'll be allowed to pass when I really shouldn't be.  You may say that couldn't happen, but, just look at what I said above; have you never been done wrong by a supposed trained professional? The same is true of marriage: I could get married, and all my friends could approve of what I was doing...but, it could still end in disaster.  I've seen too many people who went from gushing about their significant other to despising him/her.  True, that's a Facebook thing, but, I'm sure it's been happening since well before social networking; you just don't know what happens behind closed doors.  In either case, it would be a mistake from which I'd never recover.

Third off: I don't even understand the principles behind those things! Most of you know that, just before my senior year ended, I confessed to my crush how I felt about her, and that she told me she wasn't interested in dating.  What you probably don't know is what was going through my mind when she said that: "Dating?!! Who said anything about dating??!" I don't know exactly what I was picturing in my mind, but, it definitely wasn't dating; I think it was more hanging out together and eventually getting married.  Some would say that isn't how it works...but some people have been married to someone for a long time whom they never dated.  The rules of dating and relationships are sketchy, and there seems to be no constant; what some people would tell you that you just "have" to do, other people would staunchly disagree.  While Christians would tell you not to engage in sexual activity before marriage, there are plenty of other things to worry about: How long should the guy wait before he proposes...or should the guy even be the one to propose? How long should the engagement be? Should you try to be friends before you date, or should you leap right into the relationship? The answers to those questions depend on who you ask.

The same is true with driving: While behind the wheel, you're bound to encounter some strange things.  My parents are both good drivers, but they've had to do some extreme maneuvers because of other people on the road who seem to have gotten their license from Toys "R" Us.  While behind the wheel training is helpful, there are some occurrences that no Driver's Ed class can prepare you for; they're just snap decisions that you have to make without even thinking about them.  Unfortunately, when it comes to split-second decisions, I tend to do the wrong thing...and, behind the wheel, the consequences could be deadly.

Fourth off: What's a kid like me need to be driving or dating for anyway? This is purely hypothetical, because I don't think anyone would bother with this: If someone who didn't know anything about me came in my room and tried to guess who it belonged to, I guarantee they'd come up with the wrong idea.  The Disney Channel calendars and posters would probably make them think it belonged to a ten-year-old.  I know most of you wouldn't trust a fifth grader behind the wheel, and nobody takes elementary school relationships seriously...yet, it seems that is where I am in many respects.  Though I have progressed on some fronts, I'm still very much a kid...and probably always will be.  Seriously, would you want an eleven-year-old as your significant other or chauffeur? Didn't think so.

My last point before my conclusion: If I were to achieve those things at some point in my life...wouldn't I have done so by now? I once saw a saying on a female friend's Facebook profile that said, "Guys' rejection is God's protection." I'm sure most of you would agree that goes the other way as well...but, I believe it applies to more than just relationships.  When I played Pokémon Red, which was kind of my introduction to video games, I was surprised at how the makers put hints and tips in various parts of the game, including some that weren't even in the official Nintendo Power player's guide.  For a long time, I've believed God does the same thing: He tells you what to do; not just through the Bible, but through events that others would believe happen only by chance.  When it comes to dating, I've been hindered several times, from rejection of dating offers from female friends to being "set up" with a woman with whom I had absolutely nothing in common.  The same is true of driving; from inadvertently failing the driver's test twice to an allegedly great driving instructor telling me he couldn't give me lessons because of a new law that didn't turn up in online research or even make much sense, I've been hindered more than once.  I've ignored divine hindrance before, and paid the price for it; I once was writing a Facebook message to someone that I knew I wasn't supposed to write...when my iPad crashed in the middle of it.  I kind of knew the reason why that happened, but, I pressed on and ended up sending it...and I regret it to this day.  I know everyone wants me to drive and get married someday, but, who knows better: God, or mere mortals? The best intentions in the world aren't going to save me from a vehicular accident or serious heartbreak.  Just like before, I think it would be wise to heed God's guidance; after all, I've had my doubts about both of those things since the beginning.

In conclusion, I will say this: I tend to wear my preferences on my sleeve; in fact, I kind of always have.  Unless you've never met me, I imagine all of you reading this know that I love the Disney Channel and despise sports; that wouldn't even be news those who don't like me.  It's more than just about entertainment, though; when I staunchly refused to get my driver's license in years past, everyone knew about it...and they debated it with me left and right.  Well, in all honesty, I'm tired of the debating.  This is not the first time I've explained why I choose to not date or not drive; you've seen it multiple times before.  You don't have to agree with it, but, I do ask that, as my friends, you respect it, not turn it into a point of contention.  The various debates I had on this topic in years past got me and the opposing parties nowhere; I wasn't convinced of their opinion, and vice versa.

Most of you have things you wear on your sleeves, too, such as your favorite sports team or your beloved pets.  I'm not knocking that; I would never unfriend you for posts on those topics.  What I ask is that you do the same for me.  Some people just don't have what it takes to be friends with me; I've been unfriended countless times, usually by people who didn't know me all that well pre-Facebook.  I'd say it takes a special person to be my friend...but, I think you already knew that.  Much like a canine devotee would say, "Love me; love my dogs!", I would say that, if you don't respect why I do what I do...then you don't respect me at all, and I have no need for such negativity in my life.  I know why I'm doing this, and, even if it seems inexplicable to you, you just need to do an Elsa and let it go.  Anything else could spell the end of our friendship.

The Search for the Real Lizzie McGuire

By now, I think everyone knows that Hilary Duff was my main girl during my first 2.5 years of high school, thanks to me discovering Lizzie McGuire right after the start of freshman year.  While the show had its share of detractors--and which one doesn't?--it catapulted Miss Duff into super stardom, and has a cultural impact that is still felt today, especially by people who grew up with it, much like I did.  Lizzie herself was a likable character; a New York Times article called her "the luminous and loyal friend any kid would want to have at a stage of adolescence when the world just begins to seem very dark." Looking back, I think part of the reason I revered her as highly as I did was because I didn't have an actual best friend; sure, there were people I talked to often at school, church, and elsewhere, but I rarely did things with them outside of those places.  It was true that a kid that my mom was taking care of introduced me to the show, but, to this day, I question whether or not he was my friend, only because he acted like a jerk half the time.

I don't watch Lizzie near as much as I used to, though it does make for some nice nostalgia material now and then.  Still, just like with other previous favorite entertainment entities of mine, its impact is still felt to this day...but, in this case, more than any of the rest of them.  You probably already know how Hilary Duff and her show changed my life forever, and woke me up to a whole world of entertainment I'd be missing out on otherwise; I doubt I would have ever discovered my later celebrity crushes or pretty much any show I've enjoyed in the past decade or so if it hadn't been for Lizzie.  What you may not know is how it has also impacted my views on friendship, though whether that's for good or for ill is up for debate.

If you're unfamiliar with the show, you probably don't know this, but, despite its title, it wasn't only about Lizzie.  She had a family, of course--mom, dad, and pesky little brother--but she also had two best friends, Miranda Sanchez and David "Gordo" Gordon.  From the outset, the three of them did pretty much everything together.  Not only did they have all of the same classes--which is actually possible in middle school; I know from experience--but they attended functions together and often got in trouble together as well.  They were pretty much three peas in a pod, until Miranda made an exit towards the end of the show for reasons I never did quite understand.  Together, they braved evil cheerleaders, family drama, school dances, the struggles of growing up, and plenty more.  The same could be said for the main cast of other similar shows, ranging from Austin & Ally to even Nickelodeon's iCarly; even when there was enmity between some of the main characters, they ended up doing the right thing for each other, and, sometimes, became friends before the series finale.

When I think of these shows, I have to ask myself: Where is my Lizzie, or my Miranda, or my Ally? (Yes, the last one was intended as a pun.) I'm not saying that I'm searching for some lovely young single blonde, brunette, or Latina to marry me; if you think that's my focus, you're sorely mistaken.  In fact, the person who could fill that role could be already married, older than I am, or maybe even (gasp!) a guy; what I'm saying is, I'm looking for a best friend.  In the past, I used to have some good friends who took me to the movies and such...but they're all gone now.  Two of them won't talk to me anymore thanks to my own dumb actions, while others have passed away or moved away, if not both.  While it's great to keep in contact with old friends via Facebook or even old-school style--i.e., on the phone--you can't deny that distance and time puts a strain on any relationship, even if it's completely platonic.  Still, I get along with pretty much everyone at my church...but, other than one older couple and my family members, I hardly ever see them outside church events.  I'm not sure I'd call most of them close friends, and I'm sure they'd say the same about me.

Friendship is a concept that has always proved rather enigmatic to me.  I've had bad experiences with people who laid me out--sometimes in public--over nothing, or generally acted in a rather ugly fashion, yet others said of those folks, "They are your biggest advocates!", "They're the best friends you've ever had!", "She is your biggest fan!", or "He likes you and you don't even know it!" If I'm going to have friends, I expect them to treat me with respect, not constantly make me feel like I'm back in seventh grade, dealing with middle school bullies again.  Seriously, when someone comes over to your table only to blast you over something completely innocent you said on Facebook...how is that not persecution? Where is the Christian love in that? I would say that a true friend wouldn't do such a thing...but others would say I'd be wrong about that.

To use another television analogy: I've been a fan of Mork & Mindy ever since my mom first introduced me to it in 1999, and a big part of that is because I identify with the character of Mork.  Just like him, I continue to struggle to understand human ways; after twenty-seven years on this planet, I'm still at a loss to explain some people's actions.  True, sometimes, nobody can explain why someone said or did whatever; my mom has said more than once, "I don't know why _______ said that!", and, depending on the incident, the person in question was anyone from my sister to my elementary school principal.  Still, more often than not, others seem to "get" what people are saying...whereas, I just don't.  It's not that I intend to misunderstand or do the wrong thing; I try my best, but it usually isn't good enough.  Mork needed someone to explain Earth concepts to him, and, as a college student, Mindy was a perfect fit.  I know they eventually married, but, this isn't about a relationship; in fact, in the first season, Mindy's father and grandmother also helped Mork out.  What I want is just someone to look out for me; someone who will help me out if I mess up, not make me feel like an idiot.

Unfortunately, that just seems hard to come by; even people who I should have been able to trust did me seriously wrong.  I found many teachers in school hard to respect because they acted like jerks; even my kindergarten teacher was rather cold and aloof.  I had two different principals at my high school, and hardly anyone respected either of them; the first one got booed at a pep rally, while the second was complained about by many teachers, all because of their overreactions to certain situations.  My family and I ended up leaving our home church of nearly three decades because of corruption within the leadership; they were doing whatever they wanted without regards to how the congregation felt, and many longtime members departed as a result.  My parents often try their best, but, due to their age and everything they've had on their plate over the years--even just this year alone--they often don't have the time or energy to deal with situations as they'd like.  I'd say I need a true best friend...but, I wouldn't know where to find one.

I will conclude by saying this: While I believe that anyone who wants to be my friend can be (Luke 9:50), in my experience, women seem to "get" me better than guys do.  It's not that every female human I've known has had the utmost respect for me--I currently know a few who pay me absolutely no mind, though, in more than one case, I have no idea why--but, in most cases, the women seem to understand me while the guys just sit there flummoxed.  I recall an incident at a high school youth retreat where we were discussing media discernment, and I proudly proclaimed that the only "R" film I'd ever seen was Vision Quest; when one of the girls heard that, she was shocked and quickly replied, "That was bad! You shouldn't have watched that!"...but, one of the guys thought it was no big deal.  I have to say, I agree with the member of the fairer sex; in fact, I only saw that dumb flick because another guy in the group lied to me about its content.  You might say that was just immaturity, but I've had the exact same problem since then countless times.  That's why I'm more inclined to think that I would need a female best friend like Lizzie McGuire, Mindy McConnell, or Ally Dawson; then again, maybe I'm totally wrong.

Worship Vs. Entertainment

Though it's been ages since I've been to one, during my middle and high school years, I went to Christian concerts fairly regularly.  I've seen various artists and bands within the CCM genre live, ranging from the well-known (TobyMac, Third Day, and the Newsboys) to the...well, not so well-known (ApologetiX, Sanctus Real, and even the local, now-defunct band Saving Sam).  I also got autographs and other memorabilia at said shows; to this day, my mom adores the photo of me with the since-disbanded Australian group Paul Colman Trio.  (If you haven't seen that photo, I can show it to you sometime.)  Since my mom isn't exactly a fan of rock or pop music of any kind, I mostly attended Christian concerts with my sister and/or brother-in-law, who were responsible for me discovering contemporary Christian music in the first place, all thanks to them playing dc Talk's Supernatural during rides to and from church.  Sometimes, friends from church would join in; unfortunately, most of my fellow youth group members never bothered with such music, choosing to listen to Eminem or Limp Bizkit instead, so it was usually older church members.  Back in 2002, after one such concert I attended with both of those family members and some friends, my sister said something to me that has stuck with me to this day: "When we go to these concerts, we're not going because we like the music; we're not going because it's not secular; we're going there to worship God.  We're going to work on that."

Honestly, when I first heard those words, I was so flummoxed that I didn't really know what to say; those of you who know me know that's a rarity.  When I listened to music--of any kind--I wasn't worshiping; I was simply letting the music and vocals envelop me.  To me, listening to dc Talk on my CD player was no different than hearing Smash Mouth on the radio; music was music.  It's still largely that way...but, then again, much of Christian music doesn't really fall into the category of worship for me anyway.

What do I define as worship? An article in Breakaway magazine--a publication from Focus on the Family for teenage guys--described it as being music "directed to or about God."  Webster defines it as, "reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also, an act of expressing such reverence."  A Facebook friend gave this definition: "Reverent honor and homage paid to God."  Sure, Christian music does go into that area sometimes; some bands and artists produce nothing but worship music.  Still, many of CCM's best-loved artists talk about other things as well.  dc Talk did everything from a pro-life anthem ("Children Can Live (Without It)") to "Godsend," a song about romantic love.  ApologetiX retells stories from the Bible that have nothing to do with the Gospel, including obscure ones such as the demise of King Eglon ("Plump").  Relient K's first few albums have everything from an ode to ThunderCats to a love song to fictional sleuth Nancy Drew to even a song almost completely in gibberish.  Though the messages behind those songs are great, I wouldn't call them worship tunes; in fact, if I saw the song leader at my church try to lead the congregation in one of those songs during a service, I'd walk out.  It's telling that most of the hymns we sing rarely mention Biblical figures other than members of the Trinity: God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit; church is no place to sing the praises of Saturday morning cartoons or the person you married.  Sure, there's a time and a place for everything--including that--but a church service isn't it.

More to the point, it would seem that some people, including Christians, have a warped definition of what worship music really is.  Around Y2K, writer Mark Allan Powell released an Encyclopedia of Contemporary Christian Music.  Most of the information in it is now outdated, or can easily be found on Google or Wikipedia; still, at the time it was released, it was heralded by many Christian music fans as a wonderful piece of work, probably due to the fact that such a volume had never before been published.  Though it had some great information, I quibbled with one part of its article about ApologetiX, a Christian parody band I used to listen to constantly.  It described their spoof of Beck's "Loser" as "a worship song," and quoted the lyric, "I want You to save me, so why don't You fill me?" to prove its point.  Unfortunately, like many Bible verses, that quotation was taken out of context; the chorus actually went like this:

Someone's at the door!
Find out who's there, baby!
Go light up your building!
Go and tell the Lord:
"I want You to save me,
So, why don't You fill me?"

That doesn't exactly sound like worship, does it? Just like many CCM songs in general, while the message behind it was great, it wasn't exactly worship.  Even if a song mentions God in a positive way, that doesn't exactly make it a worship tune.

If there's anything I've always loved, it's entertainment.  Some would say computers are my lifelong love, but, I mostly used them for entertainment-related purposes: to play games when I was younger, and to research my favorite media when I got older.  I once saw an article claiming that a study supposedly proved that watching lots of TV at a young age causes autistic disorders...but the myriad of comments debunked it; instead of the television watching causing the autism, it was the exact opposite.  While I may not be as severely autistic as some people--seriously, some of them can't even begin to carry on a conversation--I find that it's a natural impulse to stare at what's on a screen or listen to whatever music is playing, even if I don't like it; without headphones--sometimes even with them--it's impossible for me to tune it out.  These days, many parents allow their young children to play with iPads, Kindles, Nintendo DSes, or other devices in order to help them remain quiet during church services.  While I don't take offense to that--my mom did the same thing with books when I was their age--I have to admit it can be distracting; I sometimes find myself staring at the screen of their device instead of singing along like I should be.  More to the point, my mom turned on some reruns of Two of a Kind, a sitcom starring the Olsen twins, who are among my least favorite celebrities.  A kid who my mom was taking care of said that I must have liked them, because I was sitting there watching it, but, honestly, I was just watching it because it was on; I did the same thing sometimes when my mom turned on figure skating or the news, two things that aren't exactly my among my viewing preferences.  It was just too difficult to not pay attention, regardless of what was on the screen, which is why my mom was usually careful about what she allowed me to watch and listen to.

To me, there's little difference between Christian entertainment and mainstream entertainment; whether books, movies, music, TV shows, or anything else, it exists only to entertain.  Sure, Christian fare may have a big message behind it, but so does much secular fare, even if the message isn't morally right.  When I listen to Christian music, I don't find myself worshiping; I find myself pleased by the sounds hitting my ears...which is the same thing that happens when I'm listening to Victoria Justice.  That's why I'm glad I go to a church that doesn't use instruments; if every church service I went to was like a Demi Lovato concert, I'd lose focus of why I was there.  I remember an instance in the middle school Bible class where the teacher asked if we felt church was boring, and one guy commented, "We don't come to church to have fun." I agree; church services aren't movie showings or ball games, and shouldn't be treated as such.  True, some slight instrumentation--i.e., a light piano background--wouldn't be too distracting, but heavy rock guitars would be.  That's why I was shocked when I heard my sister say that we were going to Christian concerts to worship God; that wasn't why I consumed entertainment of any kind, including Christian music.

I've known some people who are anti-CCM, for various reasons: they feel said music is of low quality, that Christian music shouldn't have instruments, that the music isn't really Christian like it claims to be, etc.  While I'm not against it--after all, I've been listening to CCM since I was in fifth grade--I still feel that it's not a replacement for the music we sing in church.  Most popular music--of any genre, Christian or otherwise--is about sonic quality: the instrumentation, the vocals, or both.  However, worship music--as we sing it in church, that is--is all about the lyrics; it's not about the vocal prowess of the people singing it.  If you've sat in a church service, you've probably sat near someone who sang off-key; I once heard a story about a now-late fellow church member who always sang loudly, even though he couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.  It wasn't because he wanted everyone to hear him; it was because of the One to whom he was singing.  The rest of us would do good to follow his example, regardless of vocal talent or lack thereof.

In closing, I will say this: Regardless of what kind of music you listen to or how many hymns you sing during church services, you have to be careful about idol worship.  I've always heard the definition of "idol" as "anything that takes the place of God," and that could be pretty much anything in the universe but God.  People used to know me for my "idols"; one high school friend asked me after we reconnected via Facebook, "You still worship that one actress?" He was speaking of Anne Hathaway; while that friend wasn't a Christian, it wasn't a good sign that my adoration of a celebrity--any of them, really--came off that way.  The secular definition of "worship" is usually used in regards to people's attitudes towards famous people; I've often heard the term "idol" used as a synonym for "hero," when it really isn't.  It doesn't even have to be someone famous; it could be an abstract entity, such as entertainment, or a loved one, such as a spouse or other romantic interest.  I'm not going to accuse anyone of idolatry; I really don't know anyone reading this well enough to know where their priorities truly lie.  What I do know is that I have to make sure that I don't let anything come between me and my eternal salvation; while having a hobby is fine, my tendency is to turn a fun activity into an addiction, which is a problem.

What Do You Think? It Really DOES Matter!

I've always been a staunch advocate of living my life the way I want to live it.  I'll watch whatever shows and movies I want to, read whatever books I want to, listen to whatever music I want to, spend my spare time doing whatever I want to, post whatever I want to on Facebook and elsewhere...and it doesn't stop there.  However, now that I think about it, that attitude has turned people off; when I've offended or bothered those who cared about me, but couldn't care less about what I did, and chose to proclaim my innocence instead of owning up to my mistakes...it was rather off-putting, and led to me losing friends.  True, sometimes, I realized the errors of my ways...but, by that point, it was usually too little, too late.  If I'd just thought about what I was doing before I did it, I could have saved myself from the consequences.

Over the years, my mom and my sister--who was kind of my second mother, especially when I had no father to speak of--would often say, "What would your friend(s) think if they knew you were _____?" It usually didn't stop me; I was bent on doing what I wanted to do, regardless of what they had to say.  Still, I think they make a great point; if my friends--especially ones of the female persuasion whom I was hoping to date--had seen me angrily refusing to help around the house, that would have been a major turn-off.

In both cases, I wish I could say I've put such actions behind me...but I haven't.  Just this week alone, I've reacted to situations at home in ways that would embarrass me if my friends were there to witness them.  Of course, nobody is perfect; we all mess up now and then; still, continually having to apologize for losing my cool over essentially nothing is not fun for anyone, especially not me.

So, what's to be done? Instead of simply doing my own thing and not caring who I bother or offend, I need to act in a way of which my Christian friends would approve.  I know we're supposed to please God and not people, but, I think many of my friends who are reading this would always be pleased with me acting in a Christian way.  That also means that I won't do anything that my friends wouldn't approve of, regardless of who is watching.  Some time ago, I came across a book that had a cover and plot that appealed to me, even though I knew it was something that I probably shouldn't read.  A now-former friend told me to go ahead and read it, and not worry about what my friends and family would think...and not only did I do just that, I also read the sequel.  I've also been reading quite a bit of manga; you may know the story of how a scary scene in one of those Japanese comics was burned into my retina, but, thanks to a friend's comment, I realized that much of it isn't something I should be reading for other reasons as well, especially since it often objectifies women.  I won't give up on reading or even manga/comics completely; like any medium, printed media can be used for good or for evil.  Still, I'll need to make more informed decisions before plunking down cash or store credit, or whipping out my library card, for entertainment...of any kind.  If I would be embarrassed for my parents or my Christian friends to see me reading or watching it...then I shouldn't bother.

We all know entertainment is a big thing for me, but this whole thing goes beyond that.  Sure, television, movies, books, and music are fun, but they shouldn't be my whole life.  As a Christian, it's my duty to help people in need; whatever we do for those who need help, we've done for Jesus.  If anyone needs my assistance, it doesn't matter what I'm watching on TV; it's time to turn the set off, get up from my recliner, and take care of business.  It also means that I need to have hobbies outside the realm of entertainment; doing nothing but reading books and watching television shows is lazy and unhealthy.  In the past, people have suggested that I try my hand at everything from running to martial arts, and I always declined...but I shouldn't have; doing so would help me lose weight and get physically fit, not to mention be much better for my mind than a steady diet of the Disney Channel.  I think many people would be proud of me for achieving something that doesn't involve technology or bargain hunting.

In conclusion, I will say this: I once read a Christian book about dating that discussed the oft-asked question: How far is too far before marriage? The author argued that you shouldn't do anything while dating you wouldn't want your spouse to find out about...because, despite how in love you may think you are, you may not end up marrying that person.  Secrets have a way of being discovered, sometimes by complete accident. I remember an incident where one of my aunts was positively livid with another aunt of mine because of something the latter had done...but, though my mom told me of the former's angry response, she wouldn't tell me what made her that angry.  I eventually found out, though, only because the latter aunt told me during a phone conversation; presumably, she didn't know that my mom didn't want me to know what had happened.  I mention that for one reason: If I plan on being married one day, I have to act in a way that a woman would be pleased with; regardless of how I try to hide it, if I mess up, she'll find out about it.  Unfortunately, I have turned right many women off; most of the people who have unfriended me have been of the opposite gender, and most of said ladies have been around my age.  Of course, I don't want to be a show-off or a braggart, but, I can't expect to be admired if I don't do anything admirable.

You're NEVER Gonna Keep Me Down!

All the way back in January 1998, I joined a local Cub Scout pack thanks to a friend from church and his father's involvement with it.  (You may think you know this story, but, keep reading.) I participated in the Pinewood Derbies, the various cheers, "Boom Chicka Boom", summer day camp, and several other activities during my time there.  Two years later, it became time for me to transition to Boy Scouting...but I almost didn't do it, and I would have quit after finishing Cub Scouting if it hadn't been for my sister's insistence that I keep going.

What happened? Some of you may remember me saying that I never planned on being a Boy Scout; honestly, I used to think that was the case, but, I had a bit of doubt about that fact, and another memory from that time told me exactly what happened: I got discouraged.  No, it wasn't a product of bullying or anything; in fact, the thought of it still breaks my heart to this day.  I remember it like it was yesterday: My brother-in-law--a Scout leader--and I were just starting to head home, and I was in a very happy and chatty mood; I was talking about a fake cassette-playing jukebox that my fourth grade teacher had, when he delivered some news that shocked me to the core.  Long story short, there were two fellow Scouts who were younger than I was, but were moving up to Boy Scouting despite not being old enough...yet, I was old enough to transition, but I was nonetheless going to spend the next year being the only middle schooler in the country still in Cub Scouting.  This news was very disheartening to me; in fact, when I got home and told my mom, I cried, and was still lamenting it well after that.  I had fought against not being in the right group in Scouting for my age, but, the powers that be wouldn't do anything about it.  It became ten times as disheartening when I discovered that becoming a Boy Scout at a later age than normal gave me a year and a half less to earn Eagle, and right around the time I found out I had Asperger Syndrome, whereas those other two guys--who were good Scouts; otherwise, they wouldn't have transitioned early--didn't even need any extra time...but still got it.  Another disheartening detail was that my brother-in-law wanted to buy some knives for those new Boy Scouts, but, when my sister found out about it, she didn't feel it was appropriate for them due to their age, which led to my sister and brother-in-law getting in a huge fight the whole way to church one Wednesday night.  Looking back, I can kind of see both sides: Part of Boy Scouting is learning wilderness survival, which means learning how to use a knife as a tool, and I'm pretty sure that my brother-in-law wouldn't have bought something like that for those guys if they didn't need it...but that's still a bit much for kids who are young enough to be Cub Scouts.

That entire situation just really discouraged me, which is why, even during the thirteen months I was in Boy Scouting, I rarely participated, much to my sister and brother-in-law's chagrin.  I went on a total of two camping trips--well, three if you count the one that was in a heated/air conditioned gym; I wouldn't--and used to hide in the bathroom and elsewhere during parts of the weekly meetings.  After just over a year, my mom finally pulled the plug, which was only because I kept going back and forth about attending the monthly trips...because I didn't want to go in the first place.  My brother-in-law said of two different leaders, "He does not want to give up on you!"; me jumping ship probably broke their hearts, and others' as well.

By now, you're probably wondering what the point of that story was...and I do have one: I let the circumstances discourage me...but I shouldn't have.  Even if I got the short end of the stick from the Scout leaders, I could have used that as an opportunity to triumph despite my circumstances...but, instead, I wussed out and left Scouting first chance I got.  True, the hand they dealt me wasn't exactly fair, but, they would have been remarking about what I'd done if I'd just stuck to it instead of letting the circumstances bring me down...which is why I'm starting to regret giving up as early as I did.

It applies to more than just Scouting, though.  You probably know the familiar story of Sparky, the family dog whom I despised from day one, even though he was intended to be not only my pet, but my friend as well.  Before we got him, my mom had talked about getting another canine companion...but I argued against it the entire way.  The example I always used was something that happened with the dog we had before Sparky: One Sunday, I was very tired because I had just gotten back from a youth retreat to Raleigh, NC, but my mom asked me to feed the dog anyway.  I went and did it, but, I was so tired that even just walking to the backyard hurt...yet, as soon as I set foot in the house again, my mom immediately asked me, "Jerry, why didn't you run with him?" I couldn't believe she had the audacity to ask me that; did she not realize how tired I was? After that dog died later that year, I never wanted one again, because I was afraid of a repeat of that same incident; when my mom adopted Sparky, I was positively livid.  Looking back, my mom probably wasn't thinking; she had just started working nights, so, she was probably tired.  Regardless of why my mom did it, it wasn't the dog's fault, and Sparky didn't deserve to pay for it on his first night at our house.  While that circumstance was discouraging, it was my fault for letting it bring me down that badly.

It's the same story with other things as well.  I spent years refusing to drive was because of some people's remarks which I saw as discouraging, which I actually later realized were misinterpreted.  Sure, they said it would be difficult, but they didn't say it wouldn't happen! It's also the same with theme parks; after years of not being able to go to them with anyone outside the family, I started to lose interest, even though my mom's rule about them was not only for the sake of my friends and their parents, but also eventually rescinded.  In every case, I let circumstances keep me from things that I really could have enjoyed if only I'd given them the chance.

The only exception to that rule is entertainment.  Since I've always worn my favorite shows and such on my sleeve, I ended up enduring a lot of criticism...and not just from kids.  Many adults--including my mom--got tired of hearing or reading about the same topics again and again, and sometimes reacted in ways they normally wouldn't have because of it.  Despite that, though, I kept watching my favorite shows until I either decided that it was time to move on or couldn't do so anymore.  It seems that I was just determined to consume that audiovisual entertainment, no matter what anyone else thought...but that determination didn't seem to apply to anything else.

People often knew me for being unwilling to do quite a few things; in fact, that led to some serious arguments.  One of my teachers in high school thought it was unthinkable that I refused to go to Busch Gardens; she insisted that I'd have fun if I went, but I staunchly denied it...though without a legitimate reason.  Other people had the same issue; my sister even once told me, "You need to do things that do not involve your computer or CD player!" I think the message was clear: While consuming and researching audiovisual entertainment is fun, it's a problem when I don't want to do anything else.  Such people wanted me to get up and get out, not waste away doing the same things again and again.  Though I do attend social events at my church and elsewhere, entertainment has long taken precedence; a former friend mistakenly thought that I spent all my time reading books and watching TV shows because I never seemed to post about anything but those topics.  Even before that, my mom used to say that people probably thought I did nothing but sit around and watch TV because of the way I bandied about the names of my favorite shows and TV characters.

I've always said that I post about entertainment because it makes me happy...but does it really? It's largely a solitary pursuit; I rarely have someone watch my shows with me.  Even when I try to discuss movies I've recently watched, most of my friends have never seen them, even if they got a major theatrical release.  Plus, sitting around reading books isn't likely to get me a girlfriend; you have to be out meeting people to find the right match, not plopped down in your living room with your face glued to your iPad.  I think my entertainment addiction has really led to frustration.

So, what's to be done? First off: I think I need to abandon these rules about what I don't do.  If I want to have friends, I need to be willing to do things with them that they enjoy, which would include trips to Busch and similar places.  Past circumstances only have a hold on me when I let them.  Second off: When the seemingly unthinkable happens--and it tends to--I need to keep James 1:2-3 in mind: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (NIV) I had something terrible happen to me before I was even two years old: my biological father walked out on me and my family for another woman.  Though I've been emotionally hurt by others, nothing anyone has ever done since has been more terrible than that...but, I know some of you have been through much worse.  You've been in abusive relationships; you've faced divorce or other romantic heartbreak; you've lost loved ones at the hands of someone else.  I may think what happened in Scouting was bad, but, I'll likely end up facing much worse; in fact, I kind of already have.  Such circumstances are tests to see how I'll react; if I keep my cool and don't lash out, I pass...but, if I lose my temper, I fail, and I've done just that too many times in the past, so, it's time to stop.

In conclusion, I'll say this: You probably know that I've discussed my hesitancy to get in a relationship because of all the married couples I've known who have eventually divorced.  I don't need to tell the stories again; in fact, if you have ever gone to school or church with me, you probably already know the people whose failed marriages I've referenced.  It's tragic what happened to them, and statistics show the the divorce rate is at an all-time high...but, that doesn't necessarily spell doom for a potential relationship in the future.  When I was contemplating leaving Boy Scouting, I was telling my mom of all the boys who had left my troop...but she told me that the only thing that mattered was what I wanted to do.  Many Scouts do end up chickening out; out of over 83.4 million boys who have been part of the program, only about two percent end up earning Eagle...but, their decisions don't affect mine.  It's the same with marriages: We all know someone who has been through some sort of romantic tragedy...but, that's no reason to give up on it completely.  Even if you are the recipient of the romantic raw deal, you just have to move on; like the old song says: "I get knocked down...but I get up again! You're never gonna keep me down!"

Give It a Go...Or Throw in the Towel?

Lately, among my friends and other people I know, it seems that love is in the air.  Relationships have started; people have gotten engaged and/or married; even friends who have been married for quite a while have had serious landmark moments, such as their first kid or a big anniversary.  All the while, I'm sitting here with no ring on my finger and no one to call my sweetheart.

At this point in my life--remember, I'm twenty-seven years old, and have never even been on a date--I'm wondering if a relationship will ever be in my future; part of me hopes for it, but another part of me seriously doubts it.  It's one thing when some teenager laments that she is doomed to remain single, even though she isn't even old enough to get married, but, in my case, I think I have a valid point.  Since I graduated from high school, I have been bombarded with news of engagements and weddings from not only longtime friends, but also friends of friends and former friends.  It's true that I do know some single adults, but, the number is lessening all the time.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Just like pretty much anything, marriage isn't for everyone.  Some people go into a relationship, only to end up regretting it and/or paying for it the rest of their lives.  You've heard the stories of the various married couples I've known who have ended up divorcing, including some within my church.  Though we can't be sure exactly what happened, I wonder if, in some cases, said people were just incompatible; not with each other, but with marriage in general.  Despite what the media would have you believe, marriage isn't some fairy tale; it takes serious work, and some people just aren't up to it...but they don't know it until it's too late.

You've probably heard or seen me talk about the relationship issue; most of my recent posts on the topic have been saying why I'm not really interested in being in one.  I have to admit that it's not really that I have no desire to get married; it's that I've just accepted that it most likely isn't in my future.  Sure, well-meaning people have told me that I will find a wife one day, and, while I don't doubt their intentions, sometimes I wonder if they just don't want to see me go through life without a mate.  It's sort of like the driving issue: Yes, it's tough not having your own transportation, especially around here...but, that doesn't change the fact that some people just weren't meant to be drivers.  With my current relationship status, I kind of feel like the only kid in the class who isn't allowed to watch the new, popular TV show that all his classmates are raving about.  It seems like nothing I do will bring about a relationship; then again, it's been ages since I last asked a girl out.  My lack of a significant other often makes it hard to hang around my coeval fellow church members, as pretty much all of them are in committed relationships; they're either already married, or will be soon.  That's why I tend to gravitate towards the folks that are at least old enough to be my parents; even if they're married, they tend to see me as one of their kids, not a third wheel.

Still another part of me, however, believes that I really do need to get married.  I mean that in the most literal sense; sometimes it feels like I just won't make it on my own.  That may sound like a cry of desperation, but, think about it: If you're married--and most of you reading this are--would you be where you are today if you'd never said, "I do"? However, that part of me is warring against the other part that is shouting, "Absolutely not!" It's an internal conflict that I can't resolve...so, maybe you can for me.

Why do I feel I need to get married? Here's one reason: The thought of being alone scares me.  I'm not talking about being left alone for a few hours; even at work, though there are other people around, I spend much of my time doing my job solo.  It's actually nice to have some time alone; I think you'd agree with me on that.  My fear is of being completely alone: no friends and no family; at least, none that care about me.  Right now, I've got parents and other family members, as well as many friends, who have gone above the call of duty to help me out...but, some friends who have done just that are gone from my life, probably for good, because I didn't treat them like I should have.  It's probably partly a product of my biological father walking out on me at a young age; still, I know my true family--which isn't entirely biological--and real friends would never do that.  It's also partly because of the issue of me talking out loud to myself, which has always existed, but was made worse by being left alone or essentially alone constantly during my preteen and teenage years.  Still, I take every unfriending on Facebook seriously for that and other reasons; every friend I lose is one step closer to being alone.

Here's another reason: I'm pretty sure I'll need someone to look after me.  Before you get all up in arms, I'm not looking for a babysitter or a nanny or even another mother; in a way, I kind of already have more than one mom.  Still, God said after creating Adam, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him," and proceeded to make Eve.  I have known some single guys, but, I honestly wonder how they do it, even without kids.  If it weren't for the women in my life--my mom, my sister, my late grandmother, and my numerous female friends--I don't know what I'd do.  Sure, I do what I can, but nobody can do it all, as much as they try to.  I hate it when people think they can do everything by themselves, and refuse to let anyone help them; seriously, if you need the assistance, why not take it?

When this issue comes up, I'm reminded of the scene in Aladdin where the Sultan tells his daughter, Princess Jasmine, "I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of; provided for." I think my parents feel the same way; they're not getting any younger, and I think they want to make sure I'm good to go after they leave this earth for good.  Both of my siblings are already secured; one is already in heaven, and the other has been married for nearly two decades.  I'm the only one left for them to worry about...but I don't want them to worry about me.  Though I know I can handle some things alone--I kind of already have--without a mate, being on my own could be a difficult road to travel.  Still, the pickings are slim, as many of my female friends that I'd considered asking out either despise me or are already spoken for, if not both.  It may sound like desperation, but, seriously: Who wants to face life alone?

However, the counterpoint is just as convincing.  You probably already know about issues such as demanding respect yet not showing it, being stuck in the fifth grade mentally, and others that I've talked about at length fairly recently.  Here's a point you probably don't know: I have a tendency to drive people crazy.  I've always had friends, but, there's always been someone--maybe more than one person--who complained about me being annoying.  You may think such a person is just being a jerk, but, honestly, Facebook would prove them right.  I've been a fan of comic strips for quite a while, and they still continue to be popular, they also have gotten a drubbing from various critics, especially when it comes to the longtime mainstays.  A random online commentator derided Garfield by saying, "How many jokes about lasagna can you make?" A Daily Press reader also dissed The Family Circus in a comics survey, saying, "How many times do we have to see Billy walking home from school in circuitous fashion?" Much like sitcoms, comic strips tend to be repetitive...yet they also tend to go on for decades.  I tend to be repetitive as well, and that's the thing that has most likely led to all my unfriendings that were for unspecified reasons.  People just got tired of hearing about the Disney Channel, celebrity crushes, bargain hunting, my entertainment history, Apple technology, my lack of a relationship, etc., day in and day out...so, they decided to jump ship completely, probably because they felt they had no choice.

What does that have to do with relationships? Easy: If you think being my Facebook friend is hard...try living with me! I'm reminded of the scene in an episode of Monk where police chief Stottlemeyer ends up staying with the defective detective after getting into a marital spat...but Monk's OCD habits drive him so crazy, he ends up saying, "First thing tomorrow, I am calling the Vatican, and I am nominating your late wife, Trudy, for sainthood, because you are impossible! [...] You know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor! You could save every marriage in California! All people would have to do is live with you for two days--two days!--and they'd never complain about their spouse again!" I've always identified with the character of Monk, because he and I have similar habits...which could drive anyone bonkers.

As a Christian, I don't believe in engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage, which also means I would never "shack up" with someone.  However, I've heard advocates of such a practice defend it by saying that you can't know what it's like to live under the same roof with someone unless you actually do it.  I once saw an e-mail from Focus on the Family that talked about one of the hard truths of marriage: once the honeymoon is over, reality sets in.  I know many of you reading this think I'm great, and you love talking to me at church or wherever else...but have you actually tried living with me? If you did, you'd probably change your tune; my habits have driven my entire immediate family, including even our pets, crazy, and it did the same to others as well.  If my habits drove my wife crazy, she could walk out on me and never come back.  I know some of you would say that a Christian woman would never do that, but, Christians do the wrong thing all the time and think nothing of it.


Here's another similar issue: I have a tendency to get historical.  If you go to my church, you probably know this joke, but, I'll post it for those who don't:

Two guys at a convention with their wives. They were long lost friends. They sat in the lobby all night talking. They knew they would be in trouble with their wives. They went back to their rooms. The next day they happened to see each other.
"What did your wife think?"
"I walked in the door and my wife got historical."
"Don’t you mean hysterical?"
"No, historical. She told me everything I ever did wrong."

Some years ago, my mom heard of a mother who had just lost a child; my mother had suffered the same loss already, so, she told a brother of the deceased, "That pain never goes away."  I've never lost a child, but I have suffered loss...but, with any bad memory, the pain never goes away.  Incidents involving people I haven't seen or places I haven't set foot into in years still plague me left and right, especially when I'm trying to sleep.  It also makes me start to feel disdain for the people responsible, some of whom are still my friends and would be rather offended if I lobbied such accusations at them.  Not only that, but, some of the people who did me wrong also did me right, but, my mind focuses on what they did wrong.  For some reason, I find it easy to be a jerk; you all already know the story of how I treated my dog like dirt for the entire four years we had him, and was overjoyed when my mistreatment of him led to him being taken back to the SPCA.  People criticized me for doing that, saying, "That dog never did anything to you!" I knew that...but I didn't care; I simply didn't want a canine companion, only because I didn't want the responsibility of looking after one.  It's also shocking how quickly I went from singing the praises of my friends to dissing them; one supposed misstep, and I used them as target practice for my angry words.  In those and other cases, it just came naturally; still, Jesus commands us to go beyond human nature.  I now realize my mistake on that front...but that realization came much too late.

If you're married, your spouse has probably done you wrong at some point; when you're dealing with family, you get to see them both at their best and at their worst.  There's been times when my mom was very proud of me...and there were also times when she was rather upset with me.  You would probably never use a family member's past mistakes against him/her unless you were really upset with him/her...but, I tend to do it all the time, without even realizing it.  I know I shouldn't keep a record of wrongs, but, that's just the way my mind has always worked.  Rarely a day goes by when I don't bring up a past incident of some sort.

It goes beyond just that, though.  Some of you reading this may have gone through emotional heartbreak when it comes to romance.  Maybe your first spouse died; maybe you went through a terrible divorce; maybe you were engaged and hoped to be married, only for the wedding to be called off.  If that was a long time ago, you've probably moved on with your life and have found a new mate.  That's great for you...but that would never happen to me.  In the classic Dickens novel Great Expectations, there's a character named Miss Havisham, who, as SparkNotes puts it, "She is manic and often seems insane, flitting around her house in a faded wedding dress, keeping a decaying feast on her table, and surrounding herself with clocks stopped at twenty minutes to nine. As a young woman, Miss Havisham was jilted by her fiancé minutes before her wedding, and now she has a vendetta against all men." If I went through a bad romance, then, that would be me.

You have no idea how bad experiences have made me hesitant to do certain things.  When I was in Cub Scouting, we visited a Boy Scout meeting, and they played a game that I decided to join...only for things to get so rough that I ended up getting physically hurt.  The injury wasn't that bad--all I did was skin my elbows--but, it made me never want to join in on the games again, even after joining that troop.  A Scout leader was very upset with me for refusing to participate, and told me I had to do the after-meeting cleanup even though my patrol wasn't assigned to do it...and I would have taken the punishment if he hadn't later come up to me and said, "I was wrong." To some, that would sound ridiculous; why would I want to clean up? Just play the game! Still, I just wanted to avoid it after that traumatic experience.  So, if I went through a similar time with romance...I would never recover.

I recently watched the last of two seasons of Sonny With a Chance, a Disney Channel sitcom starring Demi Lovato.  Though it's usual happy, cutesy Mouse network fare, it actually ends on a depressing note.  In the penultimate episode, Sonny (Lovato) has broken up with her actor boyfriend Chad after an awards show fiasco; when her show beats his at the Tween Choice Awards, he just can't handle it...so, he asks for a recount, which shows that his show won after all.  Sonny hands him the award, but is heartbroken by his actions; she tells him, "I can't be in a relationship with someone who always puts himself first. [...] The only us there is now is between you and this award. I hope you two will be very happy together." In the show's final episode, they still don't get back together, which makes it all the more depressing.  It actually wasn't supposed to end that way--it got canceled prematurely because of Demi Lovato's health issues--but it still makes a good point, especially for my situation.  Part of why certain former friends have left me is because I didn't respect them; I held my favorite celebrities--people I'll probably never meet--in much higher regard than those who actually cared about me.  One actually said, "That's just great! Some actress you're never going to meet gets more respect than a real life friend! Yes, I'm being sarcastic!" I'd much rather have the friendship than the celebrity crushes, but I ignored an age-old truth: In order to have a friend, you must be a friend.

Here's my conclusion: Can you see why I can't decide whether or not a relationship is for me? It seems that, either way, I'm doomed; I either suffer due to being alone, or end up breaking someone's heart inadvertently.  That just leaves me not knowing what to do...which drives me crazy.

There's No Time For (Puppy) Love

When I was in fifth grade, a classmate ended up mortified when the teacher read a note the kid had written about his secret admiration for two female classmates; it reportedly ended with, "Oh, how I love _______ and ________!" He actually got off easy; word around the school was that, a previous year, another fifth grade teacher had read a similar note over the intercom, presumably to the entire student body.  After my teacher finished reading my classmate's note, he said, "The reason I do this is: This is fifth grade.  We don't have time for this..."--and then he "thumped" his chest three times--"...puppy love."

Despite the fact that it occurred over 1.5 decades ago, that incident has been bouncing around in my head over the past few days.  Why? Only because I seemingly still engage in puppy love, despite being twenty-seven years old.  This was actually a point I was going to make in the previous post, but forgot to; however, it's complex enough that it deserves its own post.  I may have talked about this a while ago, but, I've had some new insights that give me a better view of the issue.

First question is: What exactly is puppy love?  Webster defines it as "transitory love or affection felt by a child or adolescent"; when I asked my friends, they had these responses:

• "In my opinion, it is that love of innocence when there is no real depth to the emotion."
• "You love something unconditionally."
• "I feel like puppy love is mostly when younger children are 'dating'. There aren't thoughts of marriage; it's more like they are best friends and just happen to be male and female."
• "When young kids have their first boyfriend or girlfriend, and there is only a crush, not real, deep feelings."
• "When you think you love someone, but are actually too young and/or immature to know what 'real' love is." 

I'd say all of those definitions are correct...because that describes the "romantic" feelings I've had over the years, with celebrities or anyone else.

How exactly? First off: My crushes tended to be innocent.  You've probably known an elementary school kid who had a crush on someone older; maybe a high schooler, a teacher, or even a celebrity who was old enough to be his/her parent.  In most cases, such admirations are innocent; it isn't like with the typical teenage boy, who wants nothing more than to undress any attractive female he sees.  Well, all of my crushes were like that of a third grader; maybe I dreamed of marriage--in fact, I used to tell people I was going to marry Hilary Duff one day--but I would never have looked at a woman I admired as a sex object, regardless of celebrity status or lack thereof.  As someone who was raised by women, I know how much the opposite sex hates being objectified.  It's one thing to tell a lady she is pretty--I do that to my female friends all the time--but, lascivious comments, especially to a moral woman--i.e., a Christian--could get you in serious trouble.  Even though plenty of people may be making inappropriate comments about the ladies in the entertainment world--even on the Disney Channel--I wouldn't stoop to those levels.  (If you're thinking of a certain incident, as I've said before, that comment was meant as a complete joke; I never actually wanted her to do what I said, though she seemed to think otherwise.)  I've pretty much always known that women are divinely created individuals, and deserve to be treated as such, even if the world seems to think otherwise.

Second off: I didn't always expect it to lead to marriage.  You may remember when I talked about
"Mrs. Russo," a teacher I had in high school who many male students--including me--found rather attractive.  For a while, I couldn't stop talking about her; my classmates and even people outside my school got tired of hearing about her.  One guy at my lunch table even said, "What is it with you and Ms. Russo?" However, I knew full well that Mrs. Russo was just that; a Mrs., aka a married woman (at the time, anyway).  I had no intention of stealing her from her husband; I knew such a thing was immoral.  When I heard about the "Russos" divorcing within less than two years after I graduated from high school--and less than four years since they said, "I do"--I was a bit shocked; a Facebook friend tried to tell me, "She's all yours!", but I didn't necessarily think that.  Though I did find the former Mrs. Russo on Facebook and add her as a friend--only to be rather dismayed when she denied my request--I wasn't even thinking about asking her out.  Though I admired her, I didn't want to marry or even date her...and that goes for many of my crushes, and not just real-life female friends who were married or otherwise taken.  When Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice was my number one favorite celebrity, I used to say that I hoped she never proposed marriage to me.  Yes, you read that right; I wanted no part of that.  Why? Simply this: Victoria may have been a wonderful actress, a talented singer, a great dancer, and a beautiful young lady...but, as her later career proved, our religious beliefs are incompatible.  Not only that, but...how do we know if we have anything in common? Does she listen to music from the Disney Channel? Is she an avid bargain hunter? (Given her Hollywood elite status, probably not.) That's why I didn't want her to ask me to marry her; if she did, I'd have to turn her down, and then would likely end up publicly shamed.  It was the same with Demi Lovato, Olivia Holt, or pretty much any of the rest of them; in fact, I stopped telling people that I was going to marry Hilary Duff well before I switched to Anne Hathaway.

Third off: I tended to love things unconditionally.  No, I'm not talking about any people; didn't I just discuss about how women were not to be objectified? Instead, what I mean is this: I've always had a tendency to fixate on certain things: maybe a word, maybe a place, maybe a device, or maybe something else entirely.  Back in the late '90's, one of my friends who was going to be moving away very soon was worried because of my addiction to his Nintendo 64; he went as far as saying, "We wish we never got it, because people who don't have it would end up addicted to it!" He could only have been talking about me; the other kids in the neighborhood either had their own or rarely played his.  He didn't know about my tendency to fixate, and neither did I; in fact, I probably denied such an addiction, as I usually did back then, because I knew such a thing was not good.  I never got to play their console again, but I still remembered it and talked about it for years to come.  Such fondness smacks of infatuation, aka a crush.

It doesn't even have to be a certain physical object.  Most of you know that my hobbies are bargain hunting, technology, and, of course, entertainment; what some of you may not know is that I take them beyond hobby status, to where they're pretty much a lifestyle.  It's easy to do when you don't have children, relationships, classes, or other time-consuming things that many people my age have; though I do have a job, I only work nineteen hours a week...which gives me even more time to feed my passions.  It's not like I do nothing but shop, go online, and watch movies and TV shows.   I go to church; I work; I talk with friends, and go places with them sometimes; I study the Bible every day; and, I've even been taking a Spanish class via iTunes U.  Still, though many people enjoy the same things I do, they usually don't take it to the levels that I do.

That kind of "love" is problematic for two reasons, though: First off, that can be idolatry.  An idol doesn't have to be a celebrity or even a person of any sort; it could even be an abstract entity...such as entertainment.  Second off, and much more importantly, such "love" could seriously turn off a significant other, or even a potential one.  Many of you who are reading this are married or otherwise taken, and I'm sure you love the person you're with, and he/she loves you back...but, is he/she obsessed with you, or vice versa? Are you all he/she talks about? Is he/she all you talk about? It may seem less problematic when another person isn't involved--after all, around Y2K, Nintendo made billions from kids' obsessions with Pokémon--but, if you're obsessed with someone else, the object of your affection will likely exit stage left.  Even in the case of an elementary schooler admiring someone older, it could start off cute and funny, but, after a while, it'll likely get annoying; I know from experience.

Fourth off: It wasn't really love because it ended too quickly.  If you're married, and your spouse starts to show signs of age, you're not going to divorce him/her for some fresh-faced college kid, are you? Of course not; you're in it until the end! I once saw an episode of TalkBack Live on CNN where they asked the on-set audience about whether newspapers should allow people to submit obituaries for pets, and the answer was largely a resounding no.  One guy commented that, if you lose a pet, you'd just go out and get another one the next day...but, you wouldn't do that with a spouse or a child or a parent.  In our family, we didn't even do that with pets; when we tragically lost a dog to a car accident in September 1997, it wasn't until the end of the school year that we ended up getting another one.  When we lost that one in December 2001, a friend gave us hers soon after...but my mom couldn't take it; getting another dog that soon was just way too sad for her, so, she ended up giving it back.  As you can tell, she has always loved her pets.

However, when it comes to my supposed "crushes," I sometimes have been too quick to turn on them.  I used to brag about how my thing for Hilary Duff lasted 2.5 years, which was an eternity compared to most high school relationships...but, some people told me that if my heart was really in it, I wouldn't have ditched her for Anne Hathaway or anyone else.  Even with real life crushes, I've sometimes gone from singing their praises to seemingly despising them, sometimes over absolutely nothing! So what if one of my female friends gets engaged or happens to one-up me? If I truly care about them...that shouldn't matter!  In an actual relationship, such behavior could lead to heartbreak; seriously, how sad would you all be if your spouse or significant other walked out on you over something completely paltry? It's time to put such behaviors behind me.

Okay, now for my conclusion: Though I know my readers vary in age, I'm pretty sure that most of you are well past elementary school.  So, let me ask you this: If you were the same age you are now, but were single--if you aren't already--would you want to date a fifth grader? Of course not; that probably sounds as appealing as a Barney and Friends marathon.  However, that right there is the most likely reason why I can't get a date; I may be twenty-seven years old, but, in right many ways, I'm still in elementary school.  If a single person was looking to adopt a kid, he or she would contact an adoption agency, not go out on a date.  One thing I've learned about my condition is that, though my psychological changed are delayed, they're just like others' in that they happen on their own.  At some point, I may be an adult socially...but, since I'm nearly thirty and am only about a third of that socially, it could be a long time before that ever happens.