I Can't Be With You If You Don't Respect Me

We all know that I'm a complicated individual.  While everyone has their quirks, it seems that I have more than most people.  You can blame my "condition," my unique upbringing, or whatever you want, but that's just the way it is.  Trying to get me to be "normal" just isn't going to work.  First off, a truly normal person doesn't exist; as John Ortberg said in the title of one of his books, "Everybody's normal until you get to know them." Second off, when it comes to one person's or some group's definition of "normal," I'm just not going to fit it.  I've tried in the past, and it just hasn't worked.

As such, some people have had serious trouble dealing with me.  While I've been adored by countless individuals, many folks I've known just couldn't handle me; I just drove them crazy.  You may think that was just punk kids at school, but it was not only fellow church members--of all ages--it was also teachers, and other people who really should have been on my side, but just weren't.

Sometimes, their annoyances with me led them to doing the unthinkable to me; what they probably didn't realize was that they'd scarred me for life.  I regularly am haunted by the horrible things people said or did to me over the years; sometimes as far back as elementary school.  While I haven't had to worry about that much lately--while there are some people I currently know who don't like me, they just don't pay me any mind, which I much prefer to what I endured back in the day--the bad memories are still there, and probably always will be.  I've heard people say they don't care for certain things because of bad memories from years past...but, if I avoided anything that reminded me of such times in my life, I wouldn't do anything at all, including watch television and movies or read books.

While I haven't heard much of anything in years from the majority of the people who did such things way back when--which is actually the way I prefer it--some of them I'm still in contact with.  Why? Well, while they may have done the unthinkable and refused to apologize for it, they also did some really good things, such as going out of their way to help me out.  The question I still ask myself is: If they could be that good some of the time...how could they have been as terrible as they were those other times?

While that concept applies within social interaction in general, it's also true in relationships as well; in fact, it's the main reason why I feel that one just isn't for me.  If I'm going to be close with someone--whether in a romantic relationship or even a close friendship--I need someone who understands me.  Sometimes, there are obvious signs that someone doesn't know you very well.  Back in the '90's, I attended the birthday party of a neighborhood friend, who got countless gifts; someone who obviously didn't know him very well got him some books, which I doubt he ever read.  If they'd known him like I did, they would have known that reading was difficult for him because English was not his first language; even when trying to read dialogue in video games, he struggled.  Truth be told, when I first met him, I didn't know about his language difficulty either; if I hadn't been close friends with him, I probably never would have.

While everybody's situation is different, mine seems to be more so than others', and it's also complicated.  That makes it tough to find someone to be in a relationship with or even close friends with; people tend to be afraid of what they don't understand, which would mean respect wouldn't come naturally.  One thing I've always said is: I'm not going to let anyone--even a potential significant other--take away what's important to me.  That includes my faith, but it also includes all the other things I'm passionate about: my shows, Disney Channel or otherwise; my music; bargain hunting; my technology; my books; pretty much anything I'm known for.  If I feel that God is taking those things away, that's a different story; however, if some "friend" tells me I'll be unfriended if I ever watch Supergirl again...well, I'd unfriend him/her right then and there.

However, it seems that such beliefs are going to lead to me staying single forever.  When I meet people around my age--regardless of gender or marital status--they just aren't doing what I am.  Maybe they might like one or two of the same things I do--such as superheroes and/or reading--but, that's about it; they couldn't care less about last week's episode of Liv & Maddie or when the next neighborhood garage sale is in my area.  I'm not about to fake being interested in something that I'm really not--i.e., sports or theme parks--just to impress some girl; eventually, the truth would come out, and she would be steamed when it did.

There's another problem when it comes to relationships as well: I don't want to marry a jerk.  You may have seen the video that went viral on Facebook where a married woman told the sordid tale of the guy she married who eventually did the unthinkable to her teenage daughter.  I recently saw a similar story of a young woman who married a guy who turned out to be a pedophile; he had just finished a prison sentence for his horrible crimes before they met...but he neglected to tell her that, and she didn't find out until it was too late.  So, if people can hide their criminal acts before they get married...why can't they hide the fact that they're a jerk, which there is no law against?

I've always been attracted to sweet, kind women; some years ago, I had a crush on an older friend because of how nice she was.  I used to say back then that, while she was already married, the reason for my attraction to her was because she was the kind of woman I hoped to wed one day.  Unfortunately, people can easily put on a sweet exterior and hide their true self underneath, as was the case with some of the teachers I had; they may have conned my parents and others into thinking they were God's gift to the education system, but they ended up being a thorn in my side the whole time I had them.  It was bad enough being stuck in a classroom every day with such a person for an entire school year; if I had to come home to someone like that every night for the rest of my life, I'd probably shoot myself.  I simply can't deal with people being jerks; if someone can't be nice to me, I'd rather they not talk to me at all.

This is my concluding point: Unfortunately, with the whole feminism thing going on, it seems like many women think it's their duty to demean the men in their lives.  While I agree with the base belief of feminism--women are divinely created individuals, and should be treated as such--I don't think any entire group of people should be looked down upon, whether it's all men, all Hispanics, or anyone from the state of Texas.  Such behavior is nothing short of prejudice...but, it's all too common, and people engage in it without realizing it.  God made women as a helper for men, not as a thorn in the flesh or a middle school bully.  If I ever do get married one day, I hope the woman I wed realizes that and sticks to that belief; otherwise, I'm going to regret the day I ever said "I do".