Friday, December 11, 2015

It's Time to Put a Rest to This...Once And For All

Ever since I started doing public online postings on places such as Facebook, Xanga, and, of course, here, relationships have often been the topic of discussion.  I've talked about my attempts at finding a date that went wrong; I've discussed the kind of relationship I hoped to have one day; I've described the attributes of certain women that made them more attractive, whether they be older ones or Disney actresses; I've made more than one hypothesis as to why my relationship status just won't seem to change; I've used television characters such as Lizzie McGuire or Mindy McConnell (the latter half of Mork & Mindy, that is) as archetypes of the wife I would like to have; and, I've gone back and forth about whether a relationship is or isn't in my future.  Well, after nearly a decade of this--seriously, I joined Facebook and got my first blog back in 2006!--I've simply had enough...and I think you have, too.  If a relationship is in my future, great; I'll enjoy the benefits whenever it happens.  If not, though, I can be perfectly happy without one; after all, if I've made it this far without a significant other...why do I need one now? She could end up holding me back or leading me astray, and I don't think any of us want that (unless you despise me, though I don't know why on earth you'd bother reading this if you did.)

There are some ideas I've had about relationships that I've shared with a couple of people, and I'd like to make them public...but, after this, that's it.  I may still write on this blog, but, unless I find myself in a relationship--which the writing on the wall deems unlikely--I'm not going to make such a post like this again.  If I'm going to make 2016 my best year yet--and I hope to--I don't need this baggage weighing me down. 

So, what are my ideas? First off: Why would an outlier of my generation such as myself believe that someone of my generation could be my mate for life? Let's face it: Most people of my generation--including Christians--have fallen under the spell of modern culture.  Instead of taking Peter's advice in Acts 2:40 ("Save yourselves from this corrupt generation") they embrace modern "values," many of which are staunchly against Biblical teachings.  You may think that this is about entertainment, and, to a degree, it is; far too often, Christians meet together and watch movies/shows, listen to songs, or play games that would cause Jesus to overturn some tables...but, they don't find it inconsistent with their faith.  Still, millenials in general--regardless of faith or lack thereof--often act in ways that even secular morality would deem wrong...but consider themselves innocent of any wrongdoing.  When they're confronted with their sin, they're quick to quote the verse that says, "Do not judge," not realizing--or are they?--that they're taking Jesus' words out of context.  It astounds me coeval Christians have taken such a lackadaisical attitude towards everything from immodest dress to extramarital affairs.  Sure, I'm a sinner as well, and I've messed up this year alone in ways that would shock you...but, I am not proud of what I did; in fact, I'm rather ashamed.  The more I think about my past mistakes, the lower and lower I feel.  While I know that Jesus' blood washes away all sins, those memories still hurt because of the other people I sinned against, such as family members or once-good friends.

When I was in seventh grade, I was rather frustrated with my classmates' behavior; it went against my moral code.  My mom told me that maybe I'd find someone who agreed with me...but, nobody did; even my Christian friends were find with such sinful acts.  It's the same way now: I'm very unhappy with the way my generation is...but, nobody else seems to care.  I'm reminded of an incident from several years ago: Long story short, a friend of my mom's said that her two-or-three-year-old son hit his older, disabled brother in the head with a chair, and ended up cracking his skull; the older brother was taken to the hospital as a result.  My mom, who had much more parenting experience under her belt, told her friend, "When he does things like this and you think it's cute, you're just encouraging him to keep doing these things." I have no idea how that kid turned out, but, I do know that many people of my generation had authority figures--maybe parents, maybe not--who were just the same way; instead of taking action when the kids they were responsible for acted out, they brushed it off and acted like it was nothing at all.  The high school youth group at my old church once did the unthinkable to me, and, when I complained to the youth leader/associate minister in an e-mail, all I got was defensiveness (such as calling the whole thing "good-natured fun," which is bullfunky if I've ever heard it) instead of forcing them to make it up to me or even apologizing on their behalf.  Unfortunately, things like this are commonplace, which is why my generation is in the sad state that it's in; nobody was willing to take them to task for their inappropriate behavior.

Second off: When people interact with me, whether for good or for ill, they don't see somebody like me.  Some years ago, I made a rather long post that described how, because of my interests, my female friends subconsciously see me as another girl instead of a guy.  That's partially true, but, upon some thinking, I realize that my favorite things are all over the map when it comes to the usual interest demographic.  Disney Channel shows and superhero cartoons appeal to younger kids; shopping aka "bargain hunting" appeals more to the fairer sex; garage sales appeal more to retired people and other older folks; most people think of an older woman when they think of a "librarian" (which, despite popular belief, is not simply someone who works at a library); the old-school shows are more popular with the people who grew up with them, which is usually older folks; many people of my generation read as little as possible; and, much of the music I listen to is largely "out of style" with pretty much everyone.  So, I'm a weird hodgepodge of a "tween" and someone much older than myself, both of which would be unappealing to a potential significant other.  (Seriously, what twenty-something girl would want to date a twelve-year-old or a guy old enough to be her father? It's creepy either way!)  Still, my interests are what they are, and I'm not going to change them just to make someone else happy.

My last point before my conclusion: While I have my convictions, I can't let them ruin things for someone else...including a significant other.  Let's say--and this is purely hypothetical--that your spouse or other significant other wants to see something on TV; he/she was talking about it a week in advance.  So, you sit down together, turn on your television set and cable box or whatever...and your TV service is completely out, which means you can't watch it or record it.  It ends up staying out for a while, so, you call your provider, and it turns out that the outage was caused by something you did; that is, you inadvertently caused your spouse/significant other to miss that big event he/she was really looking forward to watching.  You'd probably feel terrible, right?

Well, that's how I would feel if I caused someone--anyone, really--to miss out on something like that they wanted to see because I wasn't comfortable with its content.  While my spectrum of entertainment is rather broad, it still doesn't include what's popular with most people, especially those around my age.  Still, for most folks, their favorite shows and movies are as important to them as the Disney Channel and superhero cartoons are to me; they just don't want to do without them.  Some people have serious rules about what they will and won't watch; I remember an incident where a usually easy-going friend got rather upset when I mentioned Finding Nemo, which he refused to watch because of Ellen DeGeneres' voice role as Dory.  Other people won't watch anything with Tom Cruise in it because of the whole "jumping the couch"/Katie Holmes thing.  I really have no room to talk, because my rules are just as strict...but, nobody else has those rules.  So, if my significant other wanted to watch something, and I wasn't comfortable with it...what would I do? Of course, one would hope she would respect my convictions...but, there's no guarantees there; with the whole "female superiority" thing going on right now, she'd probably tell me that I was going to watch it with her whether I liked it or not.  I can't have that...which likely means no relationship for me.

Here's my conclusion: Ever since joining Facebook in 2006--and, to a degree, even before that--I've been bombarded with relationship news from my friends and even friends of friends: engagement announcements, wedding photos, mushy statuses, breakups, divorces, etc.  Most of the posts fall into the category of the former three, especially back in the early days, when most of my friends were still in the dating or newlywed phase.  I know their intent was for their friends to share in their happiness...but, those posts actually served as advertisements for a relationship, which made me all the more frustrated that I didn't have one.  Recent developments, however, have shown that they're not all they're cracked up to be; right now, I have two different friends around my age who are in the midst of filing for divorce, which is just heartbreaking.  Still, back in the day--that is, before all this relationship madness--I was perfectly happy being single; in fact, when I was much younger, I didn't even want to get married...and I still kind of don't.  However, that would be easier to accept if people weren't constantly gushing about how great their significant others are; too much of that gives me a big jolt in the other direction...which is not what I need.

All right, that's it; no more on this topic.  I will not be replying to any comments on this post; be warned.

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