Saturday, February 6, 2016

Why I Don't See Myself As A Leader...And Likely Never Will

When I've talked about a potential future relationship, I've often said that I would need a wife who would guide me and look out for me.  My friends have disagreed with me, citing the Biblical standard that husbands/fathers are supposed to be heads of their households.  However, I have never seen myself as much of a leader.  It's not that I'm exactly a follower either; I just sort of do my own thing, which is entirely my own decision.  I don't let other people's opinions sway me, but, nor do I have anybody doing all of the same things I do; I've been essentially endorsing garage sales, the Disney Channel, and libraries for years, but everyone I know either still doesn't bother with them or was already a fan of them before they even met me.  Despite my gender, I just don't see myself as leader material; in fact, I'm more inclined to let the women in my life--well, okay, only the right women!--lead me.

Why would I do that? For more than one reason.  First off: In my family, the women have pretty much always led.  You probably know that my biological parents divorced when I was very young, leaving my mom as head of the household.  What you may not know is that my maternal grandfather died when I was barely in kindergarten; my grandmother on the same side of the family, however, outlived him by nearly a decade and a half.  Due to her age and related health problems, she often needed help...but, it was often my mom and my aunts--that is, my mom's siblings--that came to my grandmother's aid.  My sister--the one still living, that is--has always been a "Miss Independent" type from a young age; I would say it's part of the time in which she was raised.  She has never been afraid to take charge of a situation, and people have often been very thankful for that.  No offense to any people with "Y" chromosomes who may be reading this, my family, most--though not all!--of the guys just couldn't be depended upon, at least in my lifetime; it was the women who called the shots.

Second off: I've grown up with countless stories that showcase strong female characters, sometimes even making their male counterparts look like idiots.  Over the past two or three years, I have watched countless episodes of Power Rangers; I started off with the very first Mighty Morphin season, but have also watched newer iterations ranging from Operation Overdrive to Megaforce.  Every season has at least one female Ranger, but, one thing I read on IMDb about the very first incarnation of the franchise surprised me: While the American version had two female Rangers, in the Japanese show it was based one had a male Yellow Ranger; the Pink Ranger was the sole lady among the group.  That's not all that surprising, though, given the time in which it was made; in the 1990's, feminism continued to grow, and I'm sure Saban felt they needed a good hook for female viewers.  When you look at other series of the time, you see many other strong women as well.  In Home Improvement, Jill had to tell Tim what to do all the time, because he often acted like one of the kids.  Even in Lois & Clark, Teri Hatcher's portrayal of Lois Lane was no mere damsel in distress; in fact, one episode featured a gadgetry mishap that led to her getting Superman's powers! It's true in many stories I've read, watched, listened to, played, etc.; the vast majority of the entertainment I've consumed over the years subscribes to the "Girls rule; boys drool" mentality.  After hours upon hours of could I not expect a woman to lead me?

Third off: I have never been a part of something where there wasn't a female in some sort of higher position.  When you think of a teacher, you probably picture a woman; though men have been holding teaching positions for quite a while, it's still a female-dominated field.  I remember one of my teachers in high school nominating a male instructor for Teacher of the Year, and mentioning that he was one of only two or three guys in his entire department.  That was probably the case in most if not all of my high school, though; in fact, the Latin teacher there was the only guy in the whole foreign language department.  While that may be expected in school, that was also the case when I was involved in other things as well...including Boy Scouting.  Two of my friends in Scouting had mothers who served as leaders, despite their gender; while one of them lacked a father, the other one's dad was also a leader in the troop! The mothers of the Scouts played a big part in Cub Scouting, as well.  Even at my church, while we don't believe in female elders, deacons, or preachers--and, that is NOT a debate I want to get into!--it would not be where it is today without the contributions of its female members, including the wives of the elders and deacons.  The story of Jesus turning the water into wine shows that even the Savior of the world needed a woman--in that case, his mother--to tell him what to do, so, I don't think the rest of us guys have much hope without one.

Fourth off: I have never been in a leadership position.  We all know that I've never been in a relationship, but, that's true in other cases as well: I'm by far the youngest of my siblings and even the baby among my first cousins.  At every job I've had, I've been the low man on the totem pole.  I was never a leader in any capacity of any organization I was in, including church, Scouting, and anything online.  That's probably the reason I like technology as much as I do: I can tell it what to do, and it does it...but people just won't.  Then again, that may be the way God wants it; leadership just isn't in my personality.  I know many would say that it should be because of my gender, but, as everyone who knows me already knows: I'm not the typical guy, and for multiple reasons.

Now, for my conclusion: When talking about romantic relations, I have always expected the women in my life to be the ones to take charge; that is, to ask me out, to propose to me, etc.  I know that's traditionally the guys' role, and many women would cringe at the thought of doing such a thing, but, after the experiences I've had in my life, I would ask the same question Hilary Duff once asked: Why not? If I was romantically involved with a woman who took charge of the relationship, it wouldn't bother me, because that's what women have always done in my experience, both in life and in art.  Honestly, I'm inclined to let them do it, because they seem to know what they're doing; I wouldn't be where I am in my life today if not for the women in my life. Then again, maybe I'm just biased; your thoughts?


Dana Loper said...

We are helpmates! We help! You are spot on?

Anonymous said...

Male, Christian opinion here,

The marriage is not designed to have a hierarchical system. I believe the female provides insight and the male double-checks the logic while being a Christian (which means he is to be selfless.)

I believe God set marriage up this way to give females that advantage and provide the males with a constant flow of opportunities to show their love for the "better half."

P.S. It should always be considered a guess when contemplating "why" God made a certain decision.