Over the years, I have tended to be very isolated. Usually, at gatherings that involved other people, especially those around my age, I would be off in a corner, having no desire to talk to anyone. Other attendees would come and say something in a polite attempt to get me to be sociable, and I refused; I didn't need the company of anyone else there, and I was pretty sure they didn't need me. In the event that I did "hang out" with whoever--and, many times, I only did it because I was told/forced to--it tended to happen fairly often that I would go off by myself at some point, because either I just wasn't interested in whatever "they" were doing, or someone/some people said/did something that upset me, and I would rather sit and brood over it than converse with anyone.
The fact that I limited myself made things even worse. Of course, we all have things that we think are overrated; there's simply no getting around my loathing of anything involving big bodies of water, to include beaches, pools, and water parks. To say that I didn't give it a chance is incorrect; up to 1999, I did everything from taking swimming lessons to going to Water Country--twice!--to even attending beaches and/or pools with friends, usually my fellow Cub Scouts or coeval church members. The problem? I never liked it; though I enjoyed the company, that was about the only thing I enjoyed. As I got older, my dislike grew to the point where I just wanted nothing to do with it anymore, much to the chagrin of some people who, to this day, believe that "aquatic therapy" would be good for me. Unless you want to see me more upset than you ever have before, I'd respectfully suggest otherwise.
However, with other areas of interest, even some popular ones, I now realize that I was totally off. One such area is sports; I always said that, since I wasn't raised around them, it wouldn't be possible for me to have an interest in them. As I got older, and I saw what I considered sports fanaticism from others everywhere I went, I was convinced that sports were horrible, wretched things, and even had a desire for them to be outlawed. It wasn't until later on, when I looked back at the fanaticism over celebrities and what-not that I had been showing my entire life, that I realized: I was just as guilty of it as they were. Unfortunately, I realized that a bit too late, and many would-be friends had already been turned off by my vehement attacks on one of their favorite pastimes. (If only I had applied Matthew 7:3-5 to my own life, instead of using it--and other Scriptures--to tell others why they were wrong.)
Even with other popular entities--non-Nintendo video games, current shows on networks other than the Disney Channel, etc.--I was just so sure that I wouldn't like them that I almost always refused to give them a chance. No matter how my friends or peers felt about whatever or whoever, one thing is true: To this day, I feel that I deprived myself of quite a bit when I was younger just because I was unwilling to try it out.
As you'd expect, people got very concerned, and there was a lot of debate, because I was offended that they would be adamant that I should attend something that I had already told them I had no interest in doing. The youth group at the church I previously attended went to the beach once, and it caused a fiasco, because, as I realize now, they really wanted me to go; they were trying to include me in the group, but I was furious that they even invited me. I even told others that I would rather they not have done it, which I currently consider an immature and incorrect statement. Later on, my classmates and other people I knew at the time--including even my brother-in-law--really wanted me to go to the school dances, especially Ring Dance--aka "junior prom"--and senior prom. I fought them every step of the way; when I heard about my real-life high school crush suffering an allergic reaction at senior prom, I spent the next few years proclaiming that as divine protection. True, some have since expressed disagreement with what "everyone else" seemed to be saying. One friend said, "I don't think you would have enjoyed prom, anyway, regardless of _______'s allergic reaction"; another friend said, "The dances at [our high school] were quite sexual, [Siobhan]. At the cleanest, you would have objected to some of the dances." Those statements may be true, but that still doesn't make my reaction to my other friends correct; instead of feeling honored that people would be looking out for me in such a way, I was both seriously offended and quite infuriated at them, which wasn't right at all.
So, what's to be done? First off, it's time to expand my horizons; limiting myself only to entertainment that relates to Disney, Nickelodeon, Christianity, or superheroes isn't the way to go. (Suggestions are welcome.) The baseless "loathing" of theme parks and sporting events needs to go away, too; the reasoning for such negative feelings is, in a word, stupid. Second off, I must issue an apology to many of my friends and even some former friends; I shouldn't have doubted your intentions and/or fiercely debated you when you suggested that I do something that I would rather not have done. If you still consider me a friend, I would guess that you have already forgiven me, but I still feel the need to apologize regardless. The biggest thing I need to do, though? Be more sociable!
So, this is an open invitation for any of my local friends, regardless of your age, for us to get together and do something. Want to see a movie together? Great! Would you like to go bargain hunting with me? Wonderful! Is one of our favorite artists/bands holding a concert nearby? If you don't mind me coming along, I'd be glad to do so! Even if you aren't currently living in my area, if you happen to be visiting for whatever reason, I'd be glad to get together with you.
I have a few points I would like to make before I close this. One: Why am I doing this? Yesterday, I had a phone conversation with a long-time friend, and she said, "If we lived closer, we'd definitely be hanging out." The problem is: She lives about three hours away, and rarely makes it out my way. Other long-distance friends of mine who are reading this probably feel the same way. So, I want to make it clear to my local friends that I don't want to be anti-social and that I am interested in getting together with them. You may think that I'd rather sit at home and watch Disney Channel than be out with friends on a Friday night, but you'd be wrong.
Two: I realize that there are other factors--or, at least, one big one--that is/are affecting my social life. No matter how well you know me, one fact you probably already know about me is that I have never had a driver's license. The fact that I can't transport myself to and from wherever I want to go has hurt my social life quite a bit; getting others to give me a ride has always been a hassle, if it was even possible. When all my coeval friends were getting their first cars, I was still taking the bus to school and riding with my mom or sister and brother-in-law to church. At one point, I did have my learner's permit, and I did take a few driving lessons with friends, but I never got very far, mostly because of my self-defeating attitude. When the permit expired, my dad wanted me to renew it, but I decided to get a non-driver ID instead. Though I spent years staunchly believing that I would never be able to drive a car properly--which my friends, family, and others almost universally disagreed with--over the past year or two, that belief has been cracking at its foundations. It may have been that, at the age when most people learn to drive, I simply wasn't ready for it. Since I have always been a bit behind--socially, anyway--compared to others my age, even if I could have successfully operated a motor vehicle, the responsibility of driving was one I just was likely not ready for at the time. Now that I am older and hopefully more mature, I'm planning on getting my learner's permit again soon. Before actually getting my license, I'm going to have a licensed driving instructor make sure that I belong behind the wheel of a car; if he/she says I'm not, then my fears were right all along, and I won't pursue it any further. Still, as the old saying goes, "You never know what you can do until you try."
Three: I don't want this to be something that we just talk about, and never actually do. I recently won a Bible Bowl competition at my church on the book of James. An old teen Bible that I got for Christmas when I was twelve says in its intro to that epistle, "'Don't just talk about it'--that's what was on James's mind." Another study help says, "The main point of [James] is simple: Don't just talk about it, do it." When you read the book--a mere five chapters--you see that's exactly the case. Unfortunately, it seems that, in many cases, us humans--myself included--tend to say we will do something, but never actually do it, even if we mean to follow through with our word. I'm really serious about this; I've known for a while that I am in need of change, and this is how I'm trying to make it happen. I can't do it without your support, though.
Any comments?
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Friday, June 28, 2013
Me and My Opposite-Gender Friends: A History
I didn't set out to have mostly female friends. In fact, it wasn't until after I graduated from high school that I even had a girl who I could call a "best friend." Sure, I've always had acquaintances of the opposite gender, and even some real-life crushes, but, lately, things have changed big time. Not only are the top friends listed on my Facebook profile--which are not determined by me, but always seems to be the same--all female, but the number of private message conversations I've had on my new Facebook account, which started on April 1, can be counted on one hand. How did that happen? I'll try and answer that question by starting from the beginning.
The first good friend I remember having was a kid named Robert. He was actually several years older than me, but we bonded over Commodore 64 and Mac System 7 games. Unfortunately, due to my condition, he and I got into some altercations, sometimes when he didn't even do anything. I learned from him about asthma, as he had a rather severe case of it. We had some fun times, as did me and my second good friend, Ben...but I ended up losing contact with them.
However, things all changed when I made friends with four siblings--Lowell, Ricardo, Emil, and Linda-- from my neighborhood. Not only did they only live two houses down from me--which made it easy to get to each others' houses--but they had an original Nintendo and later got a Nintendo 64, which woke me up to the world of video games. Originally, we only played outside, whether old-school backyard games like hide-and-seek or board games ranging from Monopoly Junior to Knock-Out to Clue. They moved just before I started middle school; I sorely missed them afterwards, and the feelings appeared to be mutual.
Just before those friends moved, I made friends with two brothers, Korrey and Kevin. They were originally intended to be kids in my mom's daycare, but, since they were much older than any of the other children there, they hung out with me instead. Not only were they smart, but they didn't fall for trends, and they loved to laugh about...well, anything. My mom said that was good therapy for me, because I tended to be a bit too uptight most of the time. We had mutual interests, but, just like those kids from my neighborhood, we mostly bonded over gaming, whether it be with dice and pawns or of the Nintendo variety. Around that same time, I made friends with Cody, my sixth grade classmate. I lost contact with all of them, but was able to reconnect with Korrey and Kevin through Facebook. From seventh grade throughout the rest of high school, my best friend was Jakob, who I still do consider among my good friends, thanks to keeping in touch via Zuckerberg's website. We had some similar interests at first, but we ended up really bonding over Lizzie McGuire.
Now, here's where things changed quite a bit: Most high school guys wouldn't willingly watch a Disney Channel show (at least, for the right reasons), and my new-found tastes in entertainment put me at odds with most of my male classmates. However, right many of the coeval females I knew at least liked some of the Disney Channel shows. Previously, my main interest--gaming--was more popular with guys then girls, and, though I still played video games in high school, they got short shrift because of the Disney shows and their stars. Like most elementary school kids, I though girls were yucky until I was in sixth grade (though I did have a thing for certain famous women: Amy Jo Johnson, Catherine Bell, and Pam Dawber, to be specific) which only made it harder to have friends of the opposite gender at the time. However, trying to talk about Hilary Duff or Chelsea Daniels with my guy friends got me absolutely nowhere, so, I became good friends with my female peers, if only because of similar tastes.
Sometime in early 2007, I got a friend request from a young lady who later became my first female "best friend": Emily. Those of you who know my history know that she and I will likely never be friends again; that is my fault, and I admit it 100%. I barely knew her prior to her contacting me on Facebook; we had two classes together, and rode the same bus for part of one year, but that was it. Still, over time, our friendship grew, before it all came crashing down; again, my fault.
However, it wasn't just Emily; my interactions with girls/women of all ages, from younger than me to old enough to be my parents, showed that they understood me better than guys tended to. Was it a product of being raised by women? Did it have to do with the differences between men's and women's personalities? It's hard to say...but I do know that, when I had a problem with someone or something, I was much more likely to turn to a woman for advice about it than a guy. That actually cost me a friendship; when a new friend was bombarded by previous private details before I asked her for advice, she said, "Why in the world are you telling me this?" It was only a few weeks later that she unfriended me.
In recent years, my church has become the place where all my friends are. During most worship services and many classes, you'll almost always see me sitting next to one of my lovely female friends. I do talk with the guys there--in fact, I always love "talking tech" with them--but, usually, I spend my time hanging out with the pretty ladies. If I had to guess, I would say that it's just a natural thing for me to get along better with women than guys. Why, exactly? I don't know...but it sure is fun!
In conclusion, let me say this: As a lifelong single, it is much easier to have many friends of the opposite gender than it would be if I had a significant other. I'm sure most of you married or engaged ladies would have a problem with your fiancée or husband constantly hanging out with attractive women. Still, one thing that I have to make sure of is that I absolutely do not cross any moral boundaries. Having good friends who are female is wonderful, but, if it veers into sinful and/or obscene territory, I'm in for a whole world of trouble. My biological father--who was gone when I was still an infant--was, among other morally objectionable things, a womanizer. Some sources even say that he left my mom, my sisters, and me for another woman. In that--and other areas, too--he serves as what I call a Tim Taylor example: He showed me what not to do. (Yes, I know the host of Tool Time never cheated on his wife; as many times as I've seen that show, I probably know it better than any of you reading this.) I've got to make sure that, no matter what kind of connection I have with a female friend, unless I'm married to her, it must stay innocent!
The first good friend I remember having was a kid named Robert. He was actually several years older than me, but we bonded over Commodore 64 and Mac System 7 games. Unfortunately, due to my condition, he and I got into some altercations, sometimes when he didn't even do anything. I learned from him about asthma, as he had a rather severe case of it. We had some fun times, as did me and my second good friend, Ben...but I ended up losing contact with them.
However, things all changed when I made friends with four siblings--Lowell, Ricardo, Emil, and Linda-- from my neighborhood. Not only did they only live two houses down from me--which made it easy to get to each others' houses--but they had an original Nintendo and later got a Nintendo 64, which woke me up to the world of video games. Originally, we only played outside, whether old-school backyard games like hide-and-seek or board games ranging from Monopoly Junior to Knock-Out to Clue. They moved just before I started middle school; I sorely missed them afterwards, and the feelings appeared to be mutual.
Just before those friends moved, I made friends with two brothers, Korrey and Kevin. They were originally intended to be kids in my mom's daycare, but, since they were much older than any of the other children there, they hung out with me instead. Not only were they smart, but they didn't fall for trends, and they loved to laugh about...well, anything. My mom said that was good therapy for me, because I tended to be a bit too uptight most of the time. We had mutual interests, but, just like those kids from my neighborhood, we mostly bonded over gaming, whether it be with dice and pawns or of the Nintendo variety. Around that same time, I made friends with Cody, my sixth grade classmate. I lost contact with all of them, but was able to reconnect with Korrey and Kevin through Facebook. From seventh grade throughout the rest of high school, my best friend was Jakob, who I still do consider among my good friends, thanks to keeping in touch via Zuckerberg's website. We had some similar interests at first, but we ended up really bonding over Lizzie McGuire.
Now, here's where things changed quite a bit: Most high school guys wouldn't willingly watch a Disney Channel show (at least, for the right reasons), and my new-found tastes in entertainment put me at odds with most of my male classmates. However, right many of the coeval females I knew at least liked some of the Disney Channel shows. Previously, my main interest--gaming--was more popular with guys then girls, and, though I still played video games in high school, they got short shrift because of the Disney shows and their stars. Like most elementary school kids, I though girls were yucky until I was in sixth grade (though I did have a thing for certain famous women: Amy Jo Johnson, Catherine Bell, and Pam Dawber, to be specific) which only made it harder to have friends of the opposite gender at the time. However, trying to talk about Hilary Duff or Chelsea Daniels with my guy friends got me absolutely nowhere, so, I became good friends with my female peers, if only because of similar tastes.
Sometime in early 2007, I got a friend request from a young lady who later became my first female "best friend": Emily. Those of you who know my history know that she and I will likely never be friends again; that is my fault, and I admit it 100%. I barely knew her prior to her contacting me on Facebook; we had two classes together, and rode the same bus for part of one year, but that was it. Still, over time, our friendship grew, before it all came crashing down; again, my fault.
However, it wasn't just Emily; my interactions with girls/women of all ages, from younger than me to old enough to be my parents, showed that they understood me better than guys tended to. Was it a product of being raised by women? Did it have to do with the differences between men's and women's personalities? It's hard to say...but I do know that, when I had a problem with someone or something, I was much more likely to turn to a woman for advice about it than a guy. That actually cost me a friendship; when a new friend was bombarded by previous private details before I asked her for advice, she said, "Why in the world are you telling me this?" It was only a few weeks later that she unfriended me.
In recent years, my church has become the place where all my friends are. During most worship services and many classes, you'll almost always see me sitting next to one of my lovely female friends. I do talk with the guys there--in fact, I always love "talking tech" with them--but, usually, I spend my time hanging out with the pretty ladies. If I had to guess, I would say that it's just a natural thing for me to get along better with women than guys. Why, exactly? I don't know...but it sure is fun!
In conclusion, let me say this: As a lifelong single, it is much easier to have many friends of the opposite gender than it would be if I had a significant other. I'm sure most of you married or engaged ladies would have a problem with your fiancée or husband constantly hanging out with attractive women. Still, one thing that I have to make sure of is that I absolutely do not cross any moral boundaries. Having good friends who are female is wonderful, but, if it veers into sinful and/or obscene territory, I'm in for a whole world of trouble. My biological father--who was gone when I was still an infant--was, among other morally objectionable things, a womanizer. Some sources even say that he left my mom, my sisters, and me for another woman. In that--and other areas, too--he serves as what I call a Tim Taylor example: He showed me what not to do. (Yes, I know the host of Tool Time never cheated on his wife; as many times as I've seen that show, I probably know it better than any of you reading this.) I've got to make sure that, no matter what kind of connection I have with a female friend, unless I'm married to her, it must stay innocent!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
What Do You Want Me to Do?
Pretty much all of us have or have had someone who tells/told us what to do. Whether it was a parent, a boss, a teacher, or whoever else, we had to do what he/she said or face the consequences. Though some people correctly use such authority, others misuse it or use it when it hasn't even been given to them. I've had way too much experience being on the receiving end of the latter; people pushed me around when I was younger because they believed there was nothing I could do to stop them. That has led to a bit of a standoffish attitude towards others in recent years; people might have had well-meaning suggestions of what to do to improve my life, but I usually refuted them without another thought. Sometimes, well after the fact, I realized that whoever or whatever was right, but, by that point, it was too little, too late.
Then again, I have always had a bit of trouble with listening. When I was younger, commands or questions from others were met by a, "What?" It got so bad that my sister remarked that I needed a hearing aid. My mom actually had my hearing checked more than once, and it was fine; my problem was, as she put it, "You just don't listen!" Spoken multi-step directions were also hard for me to follow, especially when they were non-specific, i.e., someone saying, "Move that dresser over," and I proceed to move it in the wrong direction. (Hey, "over" could be any direction!) Yet, written directions have usually been easy for me to follow; I could prepare TV dinners as a kid like nobody's business, and followed the directions to a "T". Maybe that's why I'm an avid reader; I can understand it better in writing than spoken.
So, other than putting it in writing, how can you get me to listen to you? Well, I have two suggestions that may prove hard for many of my friends who are reading this to follow. Still, if you don't follow them, getting me to do what you say might prove to be quite the impossible mission. The first--and cardinal rule--is: Don't insult me. Those of you who are Harry Potter fans may remember that iconic scene in Order of the Phoenix when Hermione proclaims, "Oh, Harry, don't you see? If she could have done one thing to make absolutely sure that every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it!" The context of that quotation? The almost universally disliked Professor Umbridge, who had taken over Hogwarts, banned an interview Harry did with the wizarding newspaper The Daily Prophet. Since Umbridge got little respect, the students were all the more likely to defy her ban, if only because they didn't like her.
Unfortunately, it seems that some people want to mix disrespect with instruction. When I get reprimanded for something I'm doing/not doing in an insulting way, I am all the more ready to keep doing (or not doing) whatever, regardless of what whoever or whatever is saying. Some people have spouted off so much garbage--personal attacks? public embarrassment? needless, non-joking insults? physical pain?--that it's highly unlikely I will ever even consider anything they say again. Defending others who do that is just as bad. In short: If I can't respect you, it's unlikely that I will do as you say.
As a side note: When it comes to my tastes, I am not as "dogmatic" as some people claim that I am. A difference of opinion is one thing; I realize that most people, including those reading this, probably like less than a third of the same things I do. However, when "I don't like _____" turns into, "_____ is not appropriate for you," or "You like ______? That's stupid!", that's when the claws come out. I realize that I used to exhibit such behavior myself; I staunchly protested everything from others watching sports to people going to the beach to owning and loving dogs just because I disagreed with them. I hated sports; I despised the beach; dogs were nothing more than an annoyance; why couldn't anyone else see that? After realizing that I needed to respect others' preferences--isn't that what the Golden Rule is all about?--and that the supposed fanaticism I disliked in others couldn't hold a candle to my obsessions, I decided to stop pushing such issues. However, that didn't stop the mouthy denizens of Planet Earth from still dishing it out to me. (Such people need to go read James 3:1-12.)
The second rule? Make sure you have sufficient backup for whatever you are saying. Just saying that I can't like or dislike whatever or whoever because that's not "cool," "hip," or "appropriate" for my age or gender isn't going to work; if you truly knew me, you'd know that I don't care about all that mess, anyway. Some people have come up with some ridiculous arguments against my tastes; a babysitter I had once told me I couldn't watch Power Rangers because, and this is a direct quote, "That show makes you do weird things like wear your pants backwards!" Um...in which episode did Jason, Tommy, Billy, or Kimberly wear anything backwards? (Thanks to Shout! Factory and my local MovieStop, I can now laugh in her face.) Others have spouted off some other ridiculous claims, yet they were said in all seriousness. That's not to say anyone who contradicts me is wrong; when an older friend informed me that going to camp for a week would involve me being outdoors the whole time, I couldn't believe I had glossed over that obvious detail, and was no longer interested in going. (If you know me, you understand why that's a deal-breaker.)
The final rule? Pick your battles wisely. No matter how you feel about me watching Disney Channel shows, trying to get me to give them up isn't worth it. Not only will your disapproval make me want to do it even more--more on that later--but taking that away from me would be equivalent to taking away sports from the guys--and even some ladies--of this country. Seriously, that is how important it is to me. That said, if there is something that I am doing that is somehow bothering, hurting, annoying, etc., other people, you should say something. I want to live out Romans 12:18--"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." (NLT)--but how can I stop annoying people if I don't know that I am?
In conclusion, let me say this: Most of you reading this probably never met my grandmother, but she was a wonderful woman. One story my mom has told about her was how she got her driver's license. When my mom was a kid, her mother--that is, my grandmother--did not drive; they relied on my grandfather to drive them everywhere. After my mom was grown, my grandmother had a desire to get a driver's license...but my grandfather told her, "You'll never get it!" That made my grandmother all the more determined to get it, and it was a good thing that she did, because, after my grandfather died, she definitely needed it.
My point? When someone--anyone, really--tells me, "You shouldn't be watching Disney shows!", "You're a guy; how can you not like sports?", "Why don't you like dogs? They're so cute!" or anything to that effect, it just makes me all the more determined to do whatever they're chiding me for doing. People have been dropping such gauntlets for years without realizing it; they don't realize that, despite their mouthiness, they've always lost, and will continue to do so. I have my likes and dislikes, just like everyone else; if you can't take mine...there's the door.
Then again, I have always had a bit of trouble with listening. When I was younger, commands or questions from others were met by a, "What?" It got so bad that my sister remarked that I needed a hearing aid. My mom actually had my hearing checked more than once, and it was fine; my problem was, as she put it, "You just don't listen!" Spoken multi-step directions were also hard for me to follow, especially when they were non-specific, i.e., someone saying, "Move that dresser over," and I proceed to move it in the wrong direction. (Hey, "over" could be any direction!) Yet, written directions have usually been easy for me to follow; I could prepare TV dinners as a kid like nobody's business, and followed the directions to a "T". Maybe that's why I'm an avid reader; I can understand it better in writing than spoken.
So, other than putting it in writing, how can you get me to listen to you? Well, I have two suggestions that may prove hard for many of my friends who are reading this to follow. Still, if you don't follow them, getting me to do what you say might prove to be quite the impossible mission. The first--and cardinal rule--is: Don't insult me. Those of you who are Harry Potter fans may remember that iconic scene in Order of the Phoenix when Hermione proclaims, "Oh, Harry, don't you see? If she could have done one thing to make absolutely sure that every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it!" The context of that quotation? The almost universally disliked Professor Umbridge, who had taken over Hogwarts, banned an interview Harry did with the wizarding newspaper The Daily Prophet. Since Umbridge got little respect, the students were all the more likely to defy her ban, if only because they didn't like her.
Unfortunately, it seems that some people want to mix disrespect with instruction. When I get reprimanded for something I'm doing/not doing in an insulting way, I am all the more ready to keep doing (or not doing) whatever, regardless of what whoever or whatever is saying. Some people have spouted off so much garbage--personal attacks? public embarrassment? needless, non-joking insults? physical pain?--that it's highly unlikely I will ever even consider anything they say again. Defending others who do that is just as bad. In short: If I can't respect you, it's unlikely that I will do as you say.
As a side note: When it comes to my tastes, I am not as "dogmatic" as some people claim that I am. A difference of opinion is one thing; I realize that most people, including those reading this, probably like less than a third of the same things I do. However, when "I don't like _____" turns into, "_____ is not appropriate for you," or "You like ______? That's stupid!", that's when the claws come out. I realize that I used to exhibit such behavior myself; I staunchly protested everything from others watching sports to people going to the beach to owning and loving dogs just because I disagreed with them. I hated sports; I despised the beach; dogs were nothing more than an annoyance; why couldn't anyone else see that? After realizing that I needed to respect others' preferences--isn't that what the Golden Rule is all about?--and that the supposed fanaticism I disliked in others couldn't hold a candle to my obsessions, I decided to stop pushing such issues. However, that didn't stop the mouthy denizens of Planet Earth from still dishing it out to me. (Such people need to go read James 3:1-12.)
The second rule? Make sure you have sufficient backup for whatever you are saying. Just saying that I can't like or dislike whatever or whoever because that's not "cool," "hip," or "appropriate" for my age or gender isn't going to work; if you truly knew me, you'd know that I don't care about all that mess, anyway. Some people have come up with some ridiculous arguments against my tastes; a babysitter I had once told me I couldn't watch Power Rangers because, and this is a direct quote, "That show makes you do weird things like wear your pants backwards!" Um...in which episode did Jason, Tommy, Billy, or Kimberly wear anything backwards? (Thanks to Shout! Factory and my local MovieStop, I can now laugh in her face.) Others have spouted off some other ridiculous claims, yet they were said in all seriousness. That's not to say anyone who contradicts me is wrong; when an older friend informed me that going to camp for a week would involve me being outdoors the whole time, I couldn't believe I had glossed over that obvious detail, and was no longer interested in going. (If you know me, you understand why that's a deal-breaker.)
The final rule? Pick your battles wisely. No matter how you feel about me watching Disney Channel shows, trying to get me to give them up isn't worth it. Not only will your disapproval make me want to do it even more--more on that later--but taking that away from me would be equivalent to taking away sports from the guys--and even some ladies--of this country. Seriously, that is how important it is to me. That said, if there is something that I am doing that is somehow bothering, hurting, annoying, etc., other people, you should say something. I want to live out Romans 12:18--"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." (NLT)--but how can I stop annoying people if I don't know that I am?
In conclusion, let me say this: Most of you reading this probably never met my grandmother, but she was a wonderful woman. One story my mom has told about her was how she got her driver's license. When my mom was a kid, her mother--that is, my grandmother--did not drive; they relied on my grandfather to drive them everywhere. After my mom was grown, my grandmother had a desire to get a driver's license...but my grandfather told her, "You'll never get it!" That made my grandmother all the more determined to get it, and it was a good thing that she did, because, after my grandfather died, she definitely needed it.
My point? When someone--anyone, really--tells me, "You shouldn't be watching Disney shows!", "You're a guy; how can you not like sports?", "Why don't you like dogs? They're so cute!" or anything to that effect, it just makes me all the more determined to do whatever they're chiding me for doing. People have been dropping such gauntlets for years without realizing it; they don't realize that, despite their mouthiness, they've always lost, and will continue to do so. I have my likes and dislikes, just like everyone else; if you can't take mine...there's the door.
Friday, June 14, 2013
"My Way or the Highway"? No Way!
Unless you've watched absolutely zero broadcast television or fast forwarded/muted every single commercial break over the past several years, no doubt you have seen some commercial with a little kid saying, "Mommy doesn't ______!" The entire point of those ads is to show that "Mommy" has a better way of doing things: using the product which is being advertised. My mom doesn't like those commercials, and I agree that they are a bit annoying.
Still, I think they make a valid point about the "way" we do things. Of course, there are always certain rules that have to be followed, especially on the job. When it comes to everyday life, especially leisurely pursuits, however, there aren't many rules. As long as you keep it in following with Biblical commandments, no one should have a problem.
Most of you reading this probably already know that my "way" of doing things is...well, not "normal". Compared to the "average" millennial, my tastes, my priorities, my hobbies, my interests, and even my way of thinking are quite different. (If you and I are coeval, can you honestly disagree?) You could even say the same about me and the "average" guy of any age; how many other human American males do you know who couldn't care less about professional sports? (Okay, maybe you know a few...but only a few, I'm sure!) It's a combination of being mildly autistic--though not disabled; remember?--and being raised in a family situation that was unique in multiple ways.
As most of you can imagine--and some of you probably already know--people have often challenged my "way". Here are some common behaviors of mine, along with the questions I get and the responses I give (or would give):
W
You bet, my "way" has been challenged for years! Even on Facebook, I have been unfriended without warning several times, presumably because they were "weirded out" and didn't know what else to do. Therein lies a problem, though: I have to stand firm in what I believe in...but how do I refrain from becoming conceited and/or believing that my way is the only way? Just over a year ago, an acquaintance commented, "You are very rigid about your opinions, and it seems that if one does not agree with you, they are persecuting you, or just wrong. [...] Being so dogmatic can lead people to just agree without sharing their own ideas and opinions, because they don’t want to argue anymore." Before that, other friends and peers had similar things to say. One older friend commented on a post about the likely impossibility of me driving and said, "The real issue is pride: 'I am right and pretty much everyone else is wrong.'" (Yes, he was quoting me.) Even if you go back to my freshman year of high school, a coeval friend from church reprimanded me for my attitude after I talked about something I knew that the rest of the class--including her--didn't; her exact words were, "You shouldn't think you're better than us because you know who that is and we don't!" When I replied, "Did I say I was better than you?", she quickly countered with, "No...but you implied it!" In those cases and other similar ones, it was not my intent to look down on others because their belief was supposedly incorrect or they didn't know some bit of trivia...but I still came off that way.
When I was in seventh grade, we did an activity at my youth group meeting involving a hypothetical coeval classmate whose situation was randomly generated from a numeric list of options. One of the kids ended up with a "sloppy, disliked kid" whose problem was being conceited. Upon hearing that, some of the kids there started to laugh; if no one liked the kid, how could he be stuck-up? They were soon silenced, however, by a rather smart girl who commented something to the effect of, "Maybe his opinion of himself was inflated because everyone else's opinion of him was so low." I think I had a similar problem: When countless people told me my "way" was wrong, I insisted it was right and said that their "way"--which was usually much more "normal" than mine--was wrong, which caused a lot of friction between me and that person, and, sometimes, our mutual friends.
That attitude is wrong, though; it's problematically similar to the hypothetical Pharisee whom Jesus vilified: "I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don't cheat, I don't sin, and I don't commit adultery. I'm certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income." (Luke 18:11b-12, NLT) Though it's right for me to stand firm in my beliefs--as long as they are correct beliefs, that is--it's not right for me to use conflicting opinions as a catalyst for dissension. It shouldn't be a "my way or the highway" deal; Paul warned about that in 2 Timothy 2:23: "Stay away from foolish and stupid arguments. You know that these arguments grow into bigger arguments." (ERV)
One thing I've noticed about myself--which could be an A.S. thing, or simply a personality trait; maybe even a combination of both--is that I tend to operate in extremes. Essentially, I either take things too far--eating too much of the same food, the obsessions/addictions, reading the same material a thousand times--or don't take it far enough: walking as slow as I can on my "mile run" in P.E. class, only opening a Bible during a church service or Sunday school class, not taking my medication or brushing my teeth as often as I was directed. In both departments, I have improved to a degree; still, it seems that I don't know how to "stand firm" or have good self-esteem without becoming prideful. Though Psalm 139:14 says us humans are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (NIV), Proverbs 16:18 also says, "Pride leads to destruction; a proud attitude brings ruin." (NCV) I used to choose to have low self-esteem because of not only that verse, but also annoyance with people who were stuck-up. There's a happy medium that I need to strike: standing firm in my beliefs and being proud of the way God made me, but not becoming "dogmatic" or conceited. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can do it; it seems like I'll just end up gravitating to one extreme or the other.
I will end by saying this: Most of you already know that I have felt that a relationship is unlikely in my near future for multiple reasons. That right there puts me at odds with many people; some folks feel that getting married is a rite of passage, just like graduating from high school or learning to ride a bicycle. That acquaintance who called me "dogmatic" also said, "[Siobhan], I truly believe you have the potential to [...] have a happy, full life with [...] God willing, a wife/family. I know that you have the rocky path of Asperger's [sic] to deal with, but I think that if you are given the right guidance, you can overcome the obstacles in your way. It may take longer for you to reach, but that goal is attainable for you." I hate to disagree with something that is presented in such a sweet, kind fashion, but said individual is, in a word, wrong. Marriage isn't for everyone; I don't need to quote the Bible verses again that say just that. Still, people like that acquaintance think that they're doing the right thing when they suggest that I should try what "everyone else" is doing, not realizing that they could be sending me down a path I'll end up wishing I never traveled. That doesn't mean that said road is wrong for my friends, but it is wrong for me. All the good intentions in the world aren't going to change that. Is living "the single life" any better than being married? No; every sort of lifestyle has its own pitfalls and temptations. What I need to do is learn to work with what I've got, instead of obsessing over what I don't have.
Any comments?
Still, I think they make a valid point about the "way" we do things. Of course, there are always certain rules that have to be followed, especially on the job. When it comes to everyday life, especially leisurely pursuits, however, there aren't many rules. As long as you keep it in following with Biblical commandments, no one should have a problem.
Most of you reading this probably already know that my "way" of doing things is...well, not "normal". Compared to the "average" millennial, my tastes, my priorities, my hobbies, my interests, and even my way of thinking are quite different. (If you and I are coeval, can you honestly disagree?) You could even say the same about me and the "average" guy of any age; how many other human American males do you know who couldn't care less about professional sports? (Okay, maybe you know a few...but only a few, I'm sure!) It's a combination of being mildly autistic--though not disabled; remember?--and being raised in a family situation that was unique in multiple ways.
As most of you can imagine--and some of you probably already know--people have often challenged my "way". Here are some common behaviors of mine, along with the questions I get and the responses I give (or would give):
W
| What I Do | What They Say About It | What I Say in Response (If I Can) |
| Bring my own books with me when going to the library just for fun | "Why do you need those? There are plenty of books to read at the library!" | I have a large collection of books of my own that I need to read in order to get rid of them. Going to the library is a good way to get out of the house and avoid getting "cabin fever". |
| Consume "kiddie" entertainment instead of shows, movies, music, etc. that is popular with my peers | "You're too old for that! You should be watching stuff meant for people your own age!" | Most entertainment specifically intended for "young adults" is morally offensive, and I refuse to take part in it. My friends aren't bothered by it in the least bit, and, by getting all out of joint about it, you've proven that you are not my friend. |
| Consuming entertainment that some find too "girly" (i.e., Princess Diaries or Christian "young adult" novels with adolescent females as the target demographic) | "What would your guy friends think if they knew you were reading [or watching] _____?" | My guy friends would probably be more bothered that you feel that such a matter is a problem than the fact I was consuming whatever entertainment; they're mature enough to refrain from judging, unlike you. Your response smacks of the immature behavior that I saw kids deal other kids who were "different" when I was in middle school. "For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ." (Galatians 1:10d, NKJV) |
When I was in seventh grade, we did an activity at my youth group meeting involving a hypothetical coeval classmate whose situation was randomly generated from a numeric list of options. One of the kids ended up with a "sloppy, disliked kid" whose problem was being conceited. Upon hearing that, some of the kids there started to laugh; if no one liked the kid, how could he be stuck-up? They were soon silenced, however, by a rather smart girl who commented something to the effect of, "Maybe his opinion of himself was inflated because everyone else's opinion of him was so low." I think I had a similar problem: When countless people told me my "way" was wrong, I insisted it was right and said that their "way"--which was usually much more "normal" than mine--was wrong, which caused a lot of friction between me and that person, and, sometimes, our mutual friends.
That attitude is wrong, though; it's problematically similar to the hypothetical Pharisee whom Jesus vilified: "I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don't cheat, I don't sin, and I don't commit adultery. I'm certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income." (Luke 18:11b-12, NLT) Though it's right for me to stand firm in my beliefs--as long as they are correct beliefs, that is--it's not right for me to use conflicting opinions as a catalyst for dissension. It shouldn't be a "my way or the highway" deal; Paul warned about that in 2 Timothy 2:23: "Stay away from foolish and stupid arguments. You know that these arguments grow into bigger arguments." (ERV)
One thing I've noticed about myself--which could be an A.S. thing, or simply a personality trait; maybe even a combination of both--is that I tend to operate in extremes. Essentially, I either take things too far--eating too much of the same food, the obsessions/addictions, reading the same material a thousand times--or don't take it far enough: walking as slow as I can on my "mile run" in P.E. class, only opening a Bible during a church service or Sunday school class, not taking my medication or brushing my teeth as often as I was directed. In both departments, I have improved to a degree; still, it seems that I don't know how to "stand firm" or have good self-esteem without becoming prideful. Though Psalm 139:14 says us humans are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (NIV), Proverbs 16:18 also says, "Pride leads to destruction; a proud attitude brings ruin." (NCV) I used to choose to have low self-esteem because of not only that verse, but also annoyance with people who were stuck-up. There's a happy medium that I need to strike: standing firm in my beliefs and being proud of the way God made me, but not becoming "dogmatic" or conceited. Unfortunately, I don't know if I can do it; it seems like I'll just end up gravitating to one extreme or the other.
I will end by saying this: Most of you already know that I have felt that a relationship is unlikely in my near future for multiple reasons. That right there puts me at odds with many people; some folks feel that getting married is a rite of passage, just like graduating from high school or learning to ride a bicycle. That acquaintance who called me "dogmatic" also said, "[Siobhan], I truly believe you have the potential to [...] have a happy, full life with [...] God willing, a wife/family. I know that you have the rocky path of Asperger's [sic] to deal with, but I think that if you are given the right guidance, you can overcome the obstacles in your way. It may take longer for you to reach, but that goal is attainable for you." I hate to disagree with something that is presented in such a sweet, kind fashion, but said individual is, in a word, wrong. Marriage isn't for everyone; I don't need to quote the Bible verses again that say just that. Still, people like that acquaintance think that they're doing the right thing when they suggest that I should try what "everyone else" is doing, not realizing that they could be sending me down a path I'll end up wishing I never traveled. That doesn't mean that said road is wrong for my friends, but it is wrong for me. All the good intentions in the world aren't going to change that. Is living "the single life" any better than being married? No; every sort of lifestyle has its own pitfalls and temptations. What I need to do is learn to work with what I've got, instead of obsessing over what I don't have.
Any comments?
Monday, June 10, 2013
Blooming Where I'm Planted
Most of us have felt homesickness at some point. Even though I've never been much of a traveler, I felt a twinge of it while at church camp in 1998, when I looked at my watch and realized, "If I were home right now, I could be watching Growing Pains." Later that year, my area was hit by a severe winter storm that forced my family to evacuate to my grandmother's house from Christmas Eve until December 26, which had all of us pretty bummed.
Still, for most of my life, I have felt what I call "reverse homesickness." There's an old joke I once read about it that goes like this (don't blame me if you don't think it's funny; I didn't make it up):A husband finds his wife crying at home, so, he asks what is wrong.Whether or not that joke made you laugh, it still brings home a serious point: For far too long, I have been sick of being home. Instead of taking advantage of the time I have at my own residence, I usually end up wasting it or unnecessarily preparing to go elsewhere. That's why many of my books, DVDs, and VHS tapes have sat and collected dust for a long time; I spent time that could have been used enjoying a movie or a good book essentially pouting because I wasn't doing something outside the house. I would even waste time traveling places to do what I could just as easily do at home, such as reading my own books; why couldn't I have done that in my own living room?
"I am homesick!" his wife replied.
"But...this is your home, sweetheart!" the husband responded.
"Yes, and I am sick of it!" said his wife.
Unfortunately, it seems that I have similar problems in other areas of my life; it's probably the worst in the relationship area. This summer, four of my coeval friends are set to be married, all to fiancés whom I have never met. I can't really say I'm envious of their soon-to-be-spouses; one of those friends is a guy, another has been essentially engaged for as long as I've known her, and the other two are nice young ladies and good friends, but not really the type of girls I would want to marry, so, frankly, I don't feel deprived or jealous. Still, my Facebook news feed has been abuzz with updates about their upcoming nuptials and others' romances, including details about the love lives of people whom I know nothing about on my Ticker. Part of me wants to whine and complain: "Well, where's my significant other? Why don't I have a wife?" Yet, the other part of me realizes that I should be taking advantage of not being tied down to a woman at the moment.
I'm reminded of the Bible story where a woman pours costly perfume on Jesus' head. When the disciples become indignant--they thought it was a big waste, and that the perfume could have been sold for money, which would have been given to the poor--Christ replied, "The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me." (Matthew 26:11, NIV 2010) It serves as an analogy for our lives: I'm not always going to have everyone whom/everything that I have around me right now. People pass away, relocate and lose contact, or just grow apart from one another. Material things wear out, get lost or stolen, or become destroyed. That means that I have to take advantage of my situation right now: where I'm living, where I'm working, what I can do with what I have, and the people I have around me at the current time.
Most of you reading this probably believe in spiritual, unseen evil, as described in Ephesians 6:12. I'm of the belief that most, if not all, sinful thoughts and desires come from those influences. It seems that the demon of discontent is one that has been bothering me all my life; it wasn't possible for me to be happy unless I had whatever it was I wanted at the time...yet, once I got whatever "it" was, I wanted something else. That's in violation of Philippians 4:13, which describes being content in any situation. Even Psalm 23:1 (NLT) says, "The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need." One of the things I need to learn is to be content in whatever situation I might be in, regardless of what whoever or whatever is doing. (Can I count on you to keep me accountable?)
There are two points I want to finish with. First off: Being single actually rocks, when you think about it. A few weeks ago, I was at my local barber shop, and Danielle, the lady who cut my hair that day--yes, even though it's a place for guys to get their hair cut, all of the "stylists" are women--had never given me a haircut in the 4.5 years that I've been going to that place. Since I enjoy talking to people, I asked her the usual "get to know you" questions, one of which is, "Are you married?" Usually, the women there say they already are committed to a significant other, but she said she wasn't; she was single, but wouldn't have it any other way, because she got to do what she wanted to do. Well, I say Danielle--who just happens to share her name with my iPod--was right on target!
I've heard married people say that they don't have as many opposite gender friends as they did when they were single. Though I currently lack a significant other, I have plenty of friends who are female; the ladies seem to gravitate to me for some reason, and I love it. I often think jokingly that God saw fit to bless me with several women instead of just one; however, when you really think about it, that isn't a joke. If my Maker decided that I should have several lady friends instead of just one, that must mean He considers me special.
My final point: When facing a challenge like this, it is wrong to expect instant gratification. Just think: When was the last time you made a New Year's resolution? Usually, people don't make them because they know they won't keep them. I've often found that many people just make resolutions that are simply too audacious, such as running two or three miles every single day. What a New Year's resolution should be is something that you work on gradually until the last page of the calendar turns. My resolution for 2013 was to spend less time doing completely pointless and non-constructive tasks, like pacing and talking to myself, or looking through old e-mails or Facebook messages for the thousandth time. Have I completely conquered that battle yet? No...but I'm doing better than I was at the end of 2012, and I've still got 6.5 months left to reach my goal! Even if I haven't completely rid myself of my non-constructive habits by January 1, 2014, if I've made significant progress, that is something of which to be proud.
When it comes to learning to be content in any situation, that won't happen overnight either; it's something that has to be learned. The fact that I'm not burning with jealousy of any of my Facebook friends is a step in the right direction; it wasn't all that long ago that I lashed out in anger at the news of a friend's engagement. This situation I am in right now might actually be a blessing; frankly, I think I currently lack the maturity to be in a relationship. Asperger Syndrome is a form of developmental delay, which means that I am socially behind for my age. That likely explains why I was almost the only one among my high school friends who liked the Disney shows; I was socially the target age for Lizzie McGuire and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. That hasn't gone away; lately, I've found myself devouring a three-disc, thirty-episode set of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, which is/was intended for essentially the same age group. It's funny; many parents have problems with teenagers thinking of themselves as adults. I remember seeing an argument where an adolescent female said, "I am an adult!", and her mother replied, "No; you are a child!" With me, it's the exact opposite; I sometimes think of myself as still a child, even though I am actually a quarter-century old. Thinking that way has led to some sticky situations.
Though I have made progress in my life, sometimes I wonder if others don't think of me in the way that Tru felt of her developmentally disabled brother Eddie in the Disney Channel Original Movie (DCOM) Tru Confessions: "I'm going to be off to college, get married, have kids, and Eddie is always going to be Eddie." I sometimes feel that way about myself, but I know that the "I am what I am; I cannot change; I am hopeless" mentality is nothing more than one of Satan's many lies. With God's help, I can--and will--continue to progress and mature...but I won't end up ready to be married tomorrow. Still, with the help of my many friends, who are likely reading this, I will do it over the course of time.
Any comments?
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The REAL Reason Behind The Recent Frustration
Disclaimer: I hope this does not offend anyone, as it is not my intent to do that. If you have any problem with anything I have said, please let me know, and I will resolve it somehow. Thank you.
Over the past eight or nine months, my Facebook friend list has been bombarded with news of engagements and/or upcoming weddings. I have at least three or four friends who are set to be married this summer, including one female friend--whom I never considered a potential significant other, though she is a nice young lady--who I've known since the seventh grade. At least two other friends aren't getting married that soon, but, barring some tragedy or Jesus' return, they're still going to marry their sweethearts in the near future. I'm really the only mutual friend all of those people would have, as they came from different places: my middle/high school, my church, a small group I attended outside of my church, etc.
You may be thinking, "Oh, no; here he goes again bashing those in relationships. I better get ready to click the 'unfriend' button." I'm not going to do that, though; seriously, if God blessed you with a great significant other, and he/she makes you happy, who am I to bash you for talking about that online or elsewhere? I realize that I did that in the past, and paid the price for it; I know now how wrong that was. So, then, is there a problem with others being in serious relationships? Well...sort of.
You probably already know that I believe that--for the time being, at least--romance likely isn't in my future. My belief is, as I've said before countless times, that living that way is what God wants, regardless of what society might say about it. If I've convinced you of that, great; I need friends who understand me and why I do what I do instead of ones who constantly badger me to "stick to the status quo," as the High School Musical song says. The problem is...I have yet to convince myself.
Let's go back into my history for a bit: Though I was known in school--for good or for ill--as someone who smiled a lot, I actually had a lot of pent-up anger. I wanted to travel, but my family situation prevented that. I wanted my obsessions/addictions fed, but didn't want to work to satiate them, and then got upset when my mom did the best she could to support me, because it was never enough; I always wanted more. Though I really had a pretty good life, I made it sound like I had it worse than anyone else, just because I didn't get everything I wanted. Many kids across the planet never got even a tenth of what I was given, but I didn't care; I was treated unfairly because I had to eat food for dinner I didn't like, or because I didn't have as many Beanie Babies as my friends did.
I hate to say it, but that attitude it still going strong. Just yesterday, I discovered on the way home from work that the belt clip on Danielle's (that is, my iPod Touch's) case was busted, and neither my dad nor I were able to fix it properly. I was so mad that I was insulting myself and threatening to jump off the roof. After taking a walk around the block, I realized that there are much worse things than an iPod belt clip breaking; just look at the recent devastation in Oklahoma, or those three ladies who were held captive for about a decade. Still, for that moment, there was no one who had it any worse than me.
Such feelings apply to relationships, too: Though I know and have said that there are good reasons for my current lack of a significant other, there has always been a voice in my head--perhaps that of Satan or one of his minions?--that says, "Oh, please; do you really believe that tripe? The reason you're sans girlfriend right now is simple: You're an idiot. You're the same worthless individual you have always been, and you will always continue to be that way. You are who you are, and you cannot change; therefore, you are hopeless." I know what that voice says isn't true; I've said the opposite for a while now. Still, sometimes, the voices plague me and send me into a fury.
I'm sure most of you reading this could come up with some Scripture or inspirational quotation that would tell me not to worry, and that I am valuable and worthy of being loved. It's not that I would disagree with you; I believe in everything the Bible says, and even most secular motivational sayings apply to me, despite me being different from most people. The problem is that, though I believe all that, I don't know how to put it into practice. As someone who grew up in the church, I've been getting encouragement from friends and family all my life; there's really nothing any of you could tell me that I haven't already heard. Still, that demon of low self-esteem and unhappiness that has been plaguing me all my life just won't go away. Some time ago, a comment was made in a Sunday morning class on Matthew that demon possession in Bible times is what we would call mental illness today. I honestly wonder if the Asperger Syndrome isn't what's causing these feelings...but I do know that no amount of K-Love or Scripture reading is going to take it away. I've been listening to Christian music since 1999, and I've done a daily Bible reading for well over a year, yet those negative emotions--wherever they come from--are still just as present as they were prior to that. I want them to go away--I know that, if they did, I would be a much happier person--but they just won't, which makes me all the more frustrated.
Over the past eight or nine months, my Facebook friend list has been bombarded with news of engagements and/or upcoming weddings. I have at least three or four friends who are set to be married this summer, including one female friend--whom I never considered a potential significant other, though she is a nice young lady--who I've known since the seventh grade. At least two other friends aren't getting married that soon, but, barring some tragedy or Jesus' return, they're still going to marry their sweethearts in the near future. I'm really the only mutual friend all of those people would have, as they came from different places: my middle/high school, my church, a small group I attended outside of my church, etc.
You may be thinking, "Oh, no; here he goes again bashing those in relationships. I better get ready to click the 'unfriend' button." I'm not going to do that, though; seriously, if God blessed you with a great significant other, and he/she makes you happy, who am I to bash you for talking about that online or elsewhere? I realize that I did that in the past, and paid the price for it; I know now how wrong that was. So, then, is there a problem with others being in serious relationships? Well...sort of.
You probably already know that I believe that--for the time being, at least--romance likely isn't in my future. My belief is, as I've said before countless times, that living that way is what God wants, regardless of what society might say about it. If I've convinced you of that, great; I need friends who understand me and why I do what I do instead of ones who constantly badger me to "stick to the status quo," as the High School Musical song says. The problem is...I have yet to convince myself.
Let's go back into my history for a bit: Though I was known in school--for good or for ill--as someone who smiled a lot, I actually had a lot of pent-up anger. I wanted to travel, but my family situation prevented that. I wanted my obsessions/addictions fed, but didn't want to work to satiate them, and then got upset when my mom did the best she could to support me, because it was never enough; I always wanted more. Though I really had a pretty good life, I made it sound like I had it worse than anyone else, just because I didn't get everything I wanted. Many kids across the planet never got even a tenth of what I was given, but I didn't care; I was treated unfairly because I had to eat food for dinner I didn't like, or because I didn't have as many Beanie Babies as my friends did.
I hate to say it, but that attitude it still going strong. Just yesterday, I discovered on the way home from work that the belt clip on Danielle's (that is, my iPod Touch's) case was busted, and neither my dad nor I were able to fix it properly. I was so mad that I was insulting myself and threatening to jump off the roof. After taking a walk around the block, I realized that there are much worse things than an iPod belt clip breaking; just look at the recent devastation in Oklahoma, or those three ladies who were held captive for about a decade. Still, for that moment, there was no one who had it any worse than me.
Such feelings apply to relationships, too: Though I know and have said that there are good reasons for my current lack of a significant other, there has always been a voice in my head--perhaps that of Satan or one of his minions?--that says, "Oh, please; do you really believe that tripe? The reason you're sans girlfriend right now is simple: You're an idiot. You're the same worthless individual you have always been, and you will always continue to be that way. You are who you are, and you cannot change; therefore, you are hopeless." I know what that voice says isn't true; I've said the opposite for a while now. Still, sometimes, the voices plague me and send me into a fury.
I'm sure most of you reading this could come up with some Scripture or inspirational quotation that would tell me not to worry, and that I am valuable and worthy of being loved. It's not that I would disagree with you; I believe in everything the Bible says, and even most secular motivational sayings apply to me, despite me being different from most people. The problem is that, though I believe all that, I don't know how to put it into practice. As someone who grew up in the church, I've been getting encouragement from friends and family all my life; there's really nothing any of you could tell me that I haven't already heard. Still, that demon of low self-esteem and unhappiness that has been plaguing me all my life just won't go away. Some time ago, a comment was made in a Sunday morning class on Matthew that demon possession in Bible times is what we would call mental illness today. I honestly wonder if the Asperger Syndrome isn't what's causing these feelings...but I do know that no amount of K-Love or Scripture reading is going to take it away. I've been listening to Christian music since 1999, and I've done a daily Bible reading for well over a year, yet those negative emotions--wherever they come from--are still just as present as they were prior to that. I want them to go away--I know that, if they did, I would be a much happier person--but they just won't, which makes me all the more frustrated.
Monday, May 20, 2013
"Gotta Buy 'Em All"? No...Gotta Buy What I WANT!
The cards weren't just ones to collect, like baseball cards; there was a game you could play with them, albeit a complicated one with various rules. Though there were some standard decks available that had some good cards, the most powerful--and the rarest--ones were only available in booster packs. Unless you had X-ray vision, though, you wouldn't know what was in each booster pack until you opened it. Kids nonetheless stopped at nothing to get the best cards, even spending their allowance only on booster packs, as a New York Post story from 1999 said:
Two Pokemon [sic] pack rats are suing the maker of the wildly popular trading cards, charging that the pocket monsters are turning them into pint-sized gamblers.It's no surprise that Nintendo and Wizards of the Coast raked in oodles of money from the franchise, is it? Still, that serves as an analogy for me recently: Though I gave up on those "pocket monsters" years ago, recently, as probably everyone reading this knows, I have become a bargain hunter, or, as some would say, a shopaholic or even "a hoarder". Thanks to various yard sales in my area, as well as library sales, thrift stores, and such, I've brought home numerous books, DVDs, and CDs, and other items, also. When there are bargains around, I just can't help myself.
Alex Silverman and Andrew Imber, two 9-year- old friends from Merrick, L.I., say they were forced to empty their piggy banks to buy endless packs of low-value cards in the hope of buying a rare one.
The suit says the cards' maker, Nintendo, randomly includes a rare one in the 11-card packages that sell for $3 to $11.
Thus, the lawsuit says, kids are forced to empty their pockets to get the rare cards, which can be resold for $30 to $100. [...]
Alex, who used to be a frenzied collector, said "I spent lots of money on it. It's like gambling, kind of."
He and fellow fourth-grader Andrew said they spent thousands of dollars trying to get the scarce cards that are a big status symbol with their friends.
"People are stealing them and trading them," said Alex.
Andrew said, "Sometimes I used to get too into it and I wouldn't think about anything else."
Recently, I was thinking: There are certain items that I have been looking to own for quite a while. Instead of going to yard sales on the off chance that they might have that specific item, why not use the Internet to find those items? That ended up being just what I did this past Friday; I ordered twelve items from Barnes and Noble's Marketplace--which is much like Amazon's same-name service--and they are all currently en route to my house from various parts of the country.You may wonder: Does that mean I will give up on yard sales and similar places, now that I have found what I want after all that searching? In a word...no. As an article in AARP Magazine said, "Stores are for things you know you want. Yard sales are for things you didn't know you wanted." You could also make the same statement about thrift stores, library sales, and even used bookstores and MovieStop; many times, the best "finds" are media that you either hadn't heard of before, or about which you had just had simply forgotten. Garage sales and similar places have been the genesis of many of my recent interests, ranging from Star Wars books to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I will end by saying this: James 1:17 (NIV) says, "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights." No matter how much media I bring home after a day of bargain hunting, I must remember one thing: Without God, it wouldn't be possible. Even if this world and everything on it were here by chance--which isn't the case--it would take planning for things to have fallen into place they way they have for me. Think about it: I live in an area where yard sales pop up all over during the spring, summer, and fall; I have a job, so I can pay for my own finds; there are two used bookstores and a MovieStop quite close to my house; and, I've been good with computers all my life, which makes using eBay and other e-stores, as well as online classifieds, a snap. That couldn't just happen by chance; Someone planned it, and I think I know who He is.
Any comments?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)