Monday, March 22, 2010

On My Obsession Or Lack Thereof

If you've known me for a while, you know that I've been obsessed with various things in the past. What I was obsessed with depends on when you and I were in contact. I'm not going to list every obsession that I've ever had, because not only have I already done that more than once, but I don't think anyone really wants to read that. What I'm going to talk about is how, at least to me, it seems like I'm doing better about the whole obsession thing.
In years past, when I was obsessed with something, almost everyone knew. (There was one person who didn't; more on that later.) However, it's been months since I've had someone tell me I was obsessed with anything. Last year, some friends said I was obsessed with my obsessions, which made sense when I thought about it. Others said I was obsessed with Facebook or finding a girlfriend. All of those statements were based on some of the posts I'd made on Facebook. However, I have written two Facebook notes in the past two months, and one was about the name Siobhan, while the other was new lyrics to "Beverly Hills" about someone I used to know. Even on here, I haven't made any big, long, ranting posts about my lack of a girlfriend or what I've been obsessed with in the past in quite a while.
Honestly, right now, I have no idea what I'm obsessed with. Granted, I may spend a lot of time on Facebook, but no one can honestly say that I don't do anything else. I read books; I watch movies and television; I go to church functions; I volunteer at my local library; I listen to my iPod; and, there are probably plenty of other things I do that have nothing to do with Facebook. I'll admit that I don't like being single, and I do lament it from time to time, but, the truth is, I know romantic love will come someday. It may be that I'm not currently ready for it right now. Also, when I talk to people, I'll talk about anything and everything. Look at the various topics I've recently posted about on this blog: 3-D movies, birthdays, chick flicks, books, music, talking to myself...does any of that have to do with my previous obsessions, Facebook, or finding a girlfriend? No.
Then again, I may not be a reliable gauge of whether of I'm obsessed with anything or not. There was a friend of mine (he knows who he is) who was actually courageous enough to stand up to me and tell me I was obsessed with something I won't name, and I even denied it, saying he was obsessed with that same thing as well as other things. I did essentially the same thing when my mom told me I was obsessed with something else I won't name. So, maybe I am obsessed with something and I just don't know it.
Obsession may be my nature, but I think I can overcome it. I mean, hey: not to be a braggart or anything, but when I see other autistics, even ones with Asperger's Syndrome, I realize that my case is quite mild. It may have been worse when I was younger, but I've learned a lot in my 22 years of life, like what bothers my peers, and that humans aren't logical. I get that no one wants to hear me ramble about anything for 30 minutes. I get that I can't use overly technical language to someone who doesn't know very much about the subject I'm speaking of. I get that no one wants to hear me talk to myself. I get that things aren't necessarily going to be in perfect order, even when they're organized. I get that there are things in life that I will never understand, and arguing or debating them isn't going to change anything. Those, however, are lessons I've learned over the years. The autistic nature would make me want to do those annoying things, but I have trained myself to not do them. Maybe I'm overcoming the obsessive part of the autistic nature; what do you think?

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