Friday, March 26, 2010

On Romantic Relationships

Okay, first off, for those who don't know: I've been single my whole life. The closest things I've had to girlfriends were celebrities whose pictures I put all over everything. There's been more times than I can count on one hand where I was hoping for a relationship with a female friend, but, I got shot down every time, sometimes before I even mentioned the thought of a relationship. This post is not an attempt to find a date; unless I personally know and have met you, if you offer me a date online, I'm going to refuse. I sincerely hope that a romantic relationship is part of my future, but it may not be God's will.
Now, I'm sure most of you reading this, especially if you are in or have been through high school and/or college, either are or were in some sort of romantic relationship. I don't hate or even dislike you for that. Granted, I do wish I could be in a relationship like you are or were, particularly if you are around my age or younger, but I'm not going to hold a grudge because of it. If I were to guess, I would say that there might be some reasons why I'm not ready for a relationship yet. Plus, I really don't want to rush into a relationship. I have/had friends, and I won't name names, though most of my long-time friends know at least one of these people, who got into a relationship, married, then started having problems and ended up divorced. I don't know what the stories behind why their marriages ended were, but they are really not any of my business. I know how painful a divorce can be, at least from a child's standpoint; my biological parents divorced when I was six weeks old, and it was hard growing up not having anyone to call Dad, while pretty much all of my friends' parents were still together. I definitely don't want to end up in a broken marriage. In fact, I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone, no matter who they are.
Some of my friends may wonder why seeing them in a relationship bothers me at times. Well, friends, it isn't you; it's me. To illustrate my point, I'll share a story from my childhood. I've told this one before, but some of you might not remember it: Way back in the late 90's, I had some friends who lived in my neighborhood. On some weekends, they would go to some theme park or other fun location--I can't say the names of the places, because that would give my location away--while I was stuck at home with computer games I'd played a thousand times and no one to have any fun with. I wanted to go to those places back then, believe me, but I couldn't. So, I didn't want to hear my friends even talk about those places. If all they said was, "We went to [insert theme park here]," what I would hear was, "We went to [insert theme park here] and you didn't! Na-na-na-na-na-na!" Even then, I knew that wasn't my friends' intent, but, I wanted to go to those places so bad, and I couldn't, but they could, and I really didn't like that. Fast forward to the past few years, and it's pretty much the same story; just replace going to theme parks with having a romantic relationship.
Now, let me be clear: I'm not faulting any of my friends for posting stuff about their love lives; there's nothing that says I have to look at it. More than anything, I want my friends to be happy. I would hope that my friends would wish the same for me. It's like the book of Romans says: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." It's hard for me to rejoice about a friend's engagement while I'm their age or older and dateless, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't be happy for them. After all, I don't want someone sitting there brooding or sulking because I'm engaged. I'm waiting to see how many "likes" I'll get when I'm finally able to truthfully post on Facebook that I'm actually in a relationship. I would hope it would be a lot.
In closing, I'll just say this: I'll keep waiting for the day when I find the right one for me. I'm still going to pursue a romantic relationship, despite the fact that I've been doing it for a decade and have had zero luck. While I'm waiting, Anne, Ashley, Siobhan and friends will keep me company. You may think that's stupid, but, if you really knew me, you'd realize that giving up the whole celebrity addiction is out of the question. As an autistic, I need some sort of obsession/addiction, and celebrities are mine. Maybe some girl will come along that has a bunch of celebrity crushes herself, and we'll have that in common. Who knows? Only time will tell...

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